![World Sports Entertainment : To iNSANITY... & Beyond! [get the wrestling OUT!]](http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y127/shanomacbry/7312847a-6aad-4bcc-b1f7-ca83b78c33fc_zpsyhuncysr.png "World Sports Entertainment : To iNSANITY... & Beyond! [get the wrestling OUT!]")
Post by THE Mac Bry v2 on Jul 8, 2012 16:25:13 GMT -6
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[The camera opens... to a darkened room. A lightbulb dangles loosely overhead, and other than that, there is nothing in sight. The dim glow casts over a vacant space... bare, and without life. Until...]
[... A single figure walks onto the scene from stage left.]
[THE Mac Bry.]
[He wears a jet black suit, red under-shirt, black tie, and a pair of ruby-tinted shades. His long, ravenesque black hair is tied into a ponytail, and his hands are shoved into his pockets. He smiles so maliciously that the devil himself would be sickened at the sight. Mac at first glares through his sunglasses into the lens of the camera... before turning his head, looking off to the left, letting out a deep sigh... reflecting on the past. A bright flash slices through the screen, and we see images from WSE's past... From the very beginning, Jack Hoff giving birth to a unique creation in what was then called "The UnFed". StupidStars such as raYne, Reeve Gordon, Wright Angle, Val Halla, Redd W. Bloo, Goo the Adventurer, Zorlax Firling, Gruel Renshaw, Kruzifix, Team 2D, John Semen, SuperManDudePersonGuy, The Brown Ranger, Triple S, The UnderBaker, 'Drunk Ass' Austin Stevens, HollyRocky, and many more. The screen returns to Mac Bry, standing with his side to the camera, staring in the direction of stage right, almost as if he's looking ahead. We then see visions of an insurgance of fresh talent in World Sports Entertainment... Anarchy, Hyped Fairy Daddy, Rushing Tom, Mad Hatter, Bubbles the Bastard, Rough Shagwell and others.]
[The screen flashes once again, and we find Mac Bry sitting in a wooden chair beneath the hanging lightbulb. He smiles from behind the shades... before using his middle finger to pull the glasses down the bridge of his nose. His eyes are dark brown, and filled with pride and anticipation for tonight's event... the culmination of three years of dedication... A night where one path ends... only for an epic journey to begin. He looks down at the hard wood floor, hands clasped in his lap. He chuckles lightly to himself...]
TMB: This is where it all began... in this very room, a man named Jack Hoff concocted what he referred to as The UnFed. This log cabin... once his home. He was down on his luck... he was grasping at straws... and finally? It hit him. An idea that changed the course of professional amateur fake-ass e-sports entertainment wrasslin'... forever. He wanted change... he wanted a product that delievered something different. He created a company based soley around comedy.
TMB: Three years later? Change has arrived once more... only this time? It has come to rectify what mistakes Jack Hoff made.
TMB: Namely...
... creating a wrestling company based soley around comedy.
TMB: I have a dream. ... A vision. A vision that will transform this company into something that has never before been seen in ANY form of entertainment. A ground-breaking, foundation-shaking, earth-shattering transformation...
[Mac looks up from the floor... the smile now gone from his face, replaced with a strong, serious look. He pushes the ruby-tinted shades back over his eyes using his middle finger. He licks his lips, and breathes heavily... before speaking, oh so solemnly...]
TMB: Tonight... a new chapter is written. A chapter that will set in motion the future of this federation... as well as the rest of my life here on Earth. This is not the beginning of the end...
TMB: This is truly... the end of the beginning.
TMB: Welcome... to the New Horizon.
[Mac raises his hand above his head, and grasps the chain attached to the lightbulb's base. Still sitting in the wooden chair, Mac Bry pulls the chain downward...
... plunging the room into darkness.]
==================
Live [on tape] from The Hell Hole!!!
DisneyWorldLand, Nowhere, OKLAHOMA ... 06/03/12
==================
["Born Again" by Marilyn Manson plays over the arena speakers, as we open to a packed Hell Hole in the center of Nowhere, Oklahoma's DisneyWorldLand amusement park. Fans lift signs proclaiming such things as "Rough Shagwell will FUCK. YOU. UP.", "Finally, HollyRocky has come BACK... to DisneyWorldLand", and "John Semen is the Doctor of Wigganomix!". Pyro sets off on stage, before blasting down the ramp, and finally exploding around the ring. We turn our attention to the commentary desk, where our new announce team of Good ol' Boom Boom Quaker and Mitchell "Vintage" Kohl are prepared to kick things off...]
BBQ: Hello there folks, and welcome to a brand new bah gawd era here at good ol' World Sports Entertainment!!!
MK: VINTAGE Boom Boom Quaker! Ladies and gentlemen, and all you vegan NERDS with no TV still living in your parents basements, it's time for the SPECTACLE that is... WrestleNymphoMania!!! I am Mitcehll "Vintage" Kohl, and sitting beside me like a big fat bump on a log, it is the redneck retard himself, the Oklahoman idiot with the cheap, dollar store black cowboy hat, none other than Good ol' Boom Boom Quaker! BBQ, say hi to the people watching around the world, in places like Luxembourgh, Paris, Africa, Australia, Antarctica, Mars, the Earthling Moon, and the Mushroom Kingdom Marines Network!
BBQ: ... You're a tool.
MK: And with that, let's send it to the ring, where ring announcer Howard Fecal is ready to introduce our first two combatants...
Howard Fecal: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs and children of all alien races. The following contest is the opening bout of WrestleNymphoMania : The End. It is scheduled for one glorified squash, and is for the Mastery of the Fine Art of Jobbing Title.
["Pretty Fly for a White Guy" by the OffSpring hits, and Daniel Bryan Danielson steps through the curtains to a mild reaction from the live audience. He wears a pair of short velvet red spandex, crimson knee and elbow pads, and red boots. His hair is cut short, but his facial hair is kept in a long, scraggly beard. He wears a white jacket to the ring with the words written on the back proclaiming "I'm the Best in the World and All I Got Was This Lousy Jacket".]
Howard Fecal: Hailing from Albino, Washington... the White Bread Wonder... Daniel Bryan Danielson!
[Danny-Boy steps up the ring staircase, and through the ropes. He removes his jacket and passes it off to Howard Fecal, before bouncing off one set of ropes, and then the oppposite... he lifts his fists to the heavens, soaking in the smattering of cheers he receives.]
[Suddenly...]
[An ominous voice screams through the speakers, before "Take a Picture" by Filter hits the system.]
Howard Fecal: Hailing from Lesnar, Kentucky... he is the MASTER of the F-69... he is "The Next Best Thing"... come taste the pain... he is BROCK... HENDRRRIIIXXX~!!1one
[The crowd roars with a deafening cheer, as pyro sets off on stage, and the curtains part... through the entrance comes the one and only "Next Best Thing", Brock Hendrix. His hair is shaped into a golden blonde crew-cut... he wears a pair of black trunks with white lines down the sides... his feet are slipped into a pair of black boots with white laces... he wears fingerless gloves on either hand, and he wears a black t-shirt with the words "This Won't Take Long" written acrross the front.]
[Brock storms down the ramp, and leaps onto the apron, setting off a blast of pyro from all four corners of the ring, startling the much smaller and scrawnier Danielson. Hendrix grins from ear to ear at the sight of Danielson quaking... Brock steps into the ring... the ref calls for the bell...]
BBQ: ... F-69!!! Brock Hendrix immediately drops Daniel Bryan Danielson with the modified Death Valley Driver!
MK: VINTAGE Brock Hendrix! He goes for the cover... and picks up the pin-fall in a matter of seconds!
Howard Fecal: Your winner, and FIRST EVER Mastery of the Fine Art of Jobbing Champion... Brock HENDRIX!!!
BBQ: That was one helluva tuna-baker of a squash match, Kohl!
MK: I'll say! That NERD Daniel Bryan Danielson got exactly what he deserved!
BBQ: For what?
MK: For being a VEGAN! What else?!
BBQ: ... We now send it to the back, where WSE StupidStar Kruzifix is apparently wanting to recite poetry. ... The fuck?
[Indeed, we head to the back, where Kruzifix is sitting in the boiler room of the arena, in a corner... He wears a leather jacket, shredded jeans, and a plaid shirt wrapped tightly around his waist. His hair is long and crimson red, tied in a ponytail... and his face is covered with a black mask cut off above the nose. He stares down at the concrete floor before him... holding a soiled stuffed monkey in his hands... an eye missing, shrouded in dirt, and ripped... stuffing pouring from here and there.]
Kruz: We are all monkeys.
Primates... primitive beings.
Flinging our own feces at one another...
... clouding our vision and what we are seeing.
Performing in an eternal circus...
Waiting to be tossed a bananna for our efforts.
While the billionaire ring keepers control our fate...
Filling their pockets... and filling us with hurt.
In the end...
... evolution passes us by.
Time keeps on slipping into the future...
We slip on the bananna peel...
... and all we have left to do...
... is try.
qUOTH the Betty...
Evil Betty: ... This is the circus we call humanity. And each and every last one of you are but clowns...
[Kruzifix looks up, and hands the stuffed monkey over to Evil Betty, who takes it... before ripping the head off, and tossing it in the direction of the camera. He drops the 'decapitated' body to the floor, and cackles... before glaring into the camera.]
Evil Betty: ... But soon? The circus will be cancelled... and the day of worship shall arrive. And you will ALL bow at the feet...
[Evil Betty rests a palm on Kruzifix's shoulder... and shows a grin dripping with malice.]
Evil Betty: ... of my disciple... YOUR SAVIOR... Kruzifix.
Kruz: So it was written... so it shall come to pass.
[Evil Betty and Kruzifix stare coldly into the camera's lens... as we fade out on the scene...]
BBQ: Bah gawd, that was one weird freak show, I tell ya what!
MK: You're tellin' me! Well sports fans, we send it back to the ring for the next bout in this jam-packed card. Howard Fecal is ready to deliver the ring introductions...
Howard Fecal: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a triple threat match to determine the NEW Extremely Tepid, Non-lethal, Softcore, Applecore 24/7 Champion! Introducing first... hailing from Jobberton, U.S.A., representing the jobPac, he is the Backyad Bastion of Borderline Bad-Assery... THIS... IS... XXXTRMKORRR~!!1one
["This is Xtrmkor" by Hairy Snatch and the Snatch-Tones strikes up on the speaker system, and the fans go... to the bathroom, merchandise counter and concession stand.
Regardless, Xtrmkor emerges from the curtains, carrying a steel chair. He raises the chair into the air, before acting as if he's playing the guitar upon the steel, all the way to the ring. He slides in under the bottom rope, and continues to "strum" away at the steel chair.]
Howard Fecal: And his opponents... first, hailing from right HERE in DisneyWorldLand, he is the Rated PG StupidStar... he is the official World Sports Entertainment spokesperson for Disney and its WSE programming... he IS... Nickey... MOWSSSEEE!!!
["It's a Small World Land" by the Goof Troop hits, and the audience lets out a vicous round of jeers and boos, for the man whose sole mission is to make WSE more "family-friendly". Nickey steps through the curtains, with buck-teeth, and long, brown hair... he wears a hat which is black with mickey mouse-like ears... big, yellow gloves... red shorts with yellow buttons... a plain, black t-shirt... and big, floppy, yellow bowling shoes. Nickey stop mid-ramp, and looks out to the crowd, before lifting both of his fists to the air, signaling for pyro to go off. He smiles broadly, before rushing down the ramp... sliding into the ring under the bottom rope, and walking toward the far ropes. He places a foot on the bottom rope, and lifts a fist up, soaking in the negative reaction of the crowd.]
Howard Fecal: And finally... representing the Rexus...hailing from London, England... standing at five feet, eleven inches... weighing 226 pounds... the former two-time, two-time Extremely Tepid, Non-lethal, Softcore, Applecore 24/7 Champion... This! Is! ANARCHYYY!
["London Calling" by The Clash hits, and Anarchy begins to walk through the curtains... when a HUGE figure stampes from behind, with a shovel in hand, and brings the hard metal head down over the back of Anarchy's skull. THE Mac Bry walks through the curtains wearing a referee's shirt... and holding a microphone.]
TMB: It seems as if Anarchy has run into a bit of a... problem. So while he sorts this out, I'll handle the officiating for this title match. Until Anarchy can get his act together and manage to make it down to the ring, it will be a one on one contest between Nickey and Xtrmkor. So boys... KICK EACHOTHER'S ASS! RING THE DAMN BELL!
[Mac signals for the bell to be rung, and after it is, Nickey Mowse and the leader of the jobPac, Xtrmkor, tear into one another. Mac slowly makes his way down the ramp, all the while the hulking figure lays waste to Anarchy.]
BBQ: This is insane! This is crazy! This... this...
MK: This! Is! Anarchy! ... Hahaha, sorry, just had to.
Poor kid... not like I really care or anything, but the script says "emote sympathy for victim of attack". Otherwise I couldn't give less of a shit...
BBQ: Meanwhile, in the ring, Nickey Mowse and Xtrmkor are goin' at it like a couple ah hardcore hogs...
MK: What does that even MEAN?!
[Nickey irish whips Xtrmkor into the ropes, and on the rebound, Xtrmkor is tossed overhead with a back body drop. Xtrm slams harshly on the canvas spine first. Nickey ascends to the top turnbuckle... here comes the special guest ref, THE Mac Bry... who shoves Nickey to the outside! Nickey drops jaw first onto the barricade and is out cold!!! What in the hell...]
BBQ: What is our cotton-pickin' Chairman doin' bah gawd?!
MK: Whatever he feels like doing, that's what! Don't question him, he's the boss applesauce!
[Mac calls for the bulky figure on stage to do something... the behemoth drags Anarchy down the ramp by the wrist, the Rexus member on his back the whole way... The big man lifts up Anarchy, and shoves him into the ring underneath the bottom rope... Mac pulls Anarchy onto the prone body of Xtrmkor... and drops down quickly to make the fast count... one, two, three, and Anarchy is the Applecore champ!]
BBQ: Now what in tarnation was the meaning of all this? Why did Mac go through all this trouble to make Anarchy the champeen? I'd say he's in the corner of the kid, but... after what he had that monster of a man do to the sorry sum-bitch? I highly doubt it...
MK: Well, Mac has a microphone once again, so maybe he'll explain...
TMB: Ladies and gents... allow me to introuduce you ALL... to End Game. My monstrous personal security guard, whose purpose here is to make sure nobody lays a finger on me. And for his service, I've paved the way for him to capture his first piece of championship gold.
TMB: Namely? The Applecore Title. And thanks to the 24/7 rule... that will be all too easy. End Game... come in here and reap your reward for having my back!
BBQ: This is proposterous! Our Chairman is taking advantage of the 24/7 rule to BRIBE End Game into being his body guard! He never wanted Anarchy as champion, he just wanted to make the champion easy pickin's for when he was ready to unleash this mammoth of a man!
MK: Hey... like I said. He's the boss, and you're not. And what Mac says? Goes. Simple as.
BBQ: And like I said? You're a massive tool. ... Bah gawdess.
[End Game rolls into the ring, and right into pinning the still nearly unconcious Anarchy. Mac performs the quickest fast count in WSE history, and beaming with pride, he hands the Applecore title over to his "chosen one", End Game. The big man has a hulking physique, with no shirt, showing off his multiple tattoos. Half of his face is covered by a tribal tat... he wears a spiked collar around his throat, spiked bands around his wrists, a pair of tight leather pants with a chained belt and skull buckle... and no shoes. Both his finger AND toe nails are painted black, his lips are glossed in black, and his hair is short, black, and his bangs hang freely over his eyes... which are both hidden behind pure white contacts. His face is emotionless... almost as if he were a cyborg.]
[E.G. raises the belt in one hand, as Mac Bry lifts his other in celebration.]
BBQ: Well who on Earth is going to be able to stop that... THING, End Game?!
MK: I have no idea, but my money's on nobody... Sports fans, here's a hype package detailing the many epic adventures of Captain Crap that never happened.
[The Brown Power Ranger logo is displayed... followed by the logo for SuperGuyManDudePerson. These two logos appear side by side, before colliding with eachother, and the logo for 'Captain Crap' is displayed... we find the many non-existant quests ventured by this hero, forged by two fallen warriors. Born Jack Franklin in the small suburb of Tootie Frootie, Idaho, he fled to the planet Krazy-a-ton to escape the oppresion of his parents. You see, they didn't allow him to watch the Super Friends due to its violent content, and due to them being strict Christians who didn't believe in such things [and you think YOUR parents are strict, sheesh...]. Jack changed his name to Clark Wayne, and underwent a process by which he had a spider bite him that was filled with radioactive juices. But, not knowing that radioactive spiders really don't give super powers, believing that all comic books are real [They're works of FICTION? You don't say!] Jippy was STILL a complete and total loser. Only now he had a bad rash. And he smelled like ass. Not that he didn't smell that way BEFORE the spider bite, just thought I'd throw that in there.]
[So, he moved back to Earth to find a place he could fit in... He spent a long, long time in Ocean Valley Harbor Ridge Beach Bay Citytropolis. There, Clark Wayne found his home under attack quite often by giant monsters, known as the Meninsuits. Wayne knew it was up to him to finally take on his role as super hero... and though he didn't have powers, he DID have his trusty Big Bad Walking Robo Turd! He vowed to take out the Meninsuits, in 30 minute weekly episodes. But, when his show was cancelled, he took his trusty Robo Turd, and headed to the only place crappier than he himself... By day, Clark Wayne works as a grocery boy for a dollar store in Citytropolis. By night, Captain Crap wrestles in cheap tights and a crappy cape!!! ... Which alter ego is "better", I have no idea. But what I do know is that I LOVE copy and paste. It makes putting together stupid filler segments like these SOOO much easier...
]
[Captain Crap : Coming soon to WSE Nitro! ... And a theatre near Pakistan!!!
]
BBQ: ... What was the point of that?
MK: Hell if I know. Anyscrew, the following contest is a tag team tables, ladders and chairs gauntlet match for the 4-play titles. Fifteen teams, with two in the ring at any one time. Two teams begin, and once any member of either team is pinned or made to submit, that team is eliminated, and is replaced by the next. The final two teams will do battle to see who can climb a ladder and retrieve the tag straps hanging over the ring.
BBQ: VERY SIMPLE!
MK: Yup. Here's Howard Fecal to introduce the first two teams.
Howard Fecal: The following contest will determine the new WSE Four-Play Tag Team Champions of the World! It is the first EVER Tag Team Tables, Ladders and Chairs Gauntlet Match! Introducing first, representing the Rexus and led to the ring by Rex Winters, they are Hyped Fairy Daddy and the Mad Hatter... THE REXUS!
["One" by Metallica pounds through the speakers, and HFD & Hatter walk through the curtains, flanked by Rex Winters... who holds, as always, an issue of PentHouse magazine. Rex leads HFD and Hatter to the ring, before taking to the commentary desk. Rex pulls on a pair of headphones, and as HFD & Hatter step into the ring preparing for their match, Rex greets Boom Boom and Kohl.]
Rex: Hey there tubby and tool, how are the two of you mooks?
MK: Hey, how rude!
BBQ: Though I'd hafta says he's quite right about you... ya dad gum tool.
MK: Well I wouldn't say he missed the mark about you, you tub of lard!
Rex: Alright you two jackasses, I didn't come here to hear the two of you lovers have a quarrel, I came here to promote my team, as well as plug my fave porn mag., PentHouse!
MK: Why don't you let us all know what's going on in the latest issue you have there, Rex?
Rex: Well, as everyone knows, our Chairman Mac Bry's birthday is a world-wide holiday. And if you didn't know that, what are you, a friggin' moron? Either way, this month's PentHouse is devoted to Mac's favorite past time ; VIDEO GAMES! And so they have Princess Zelda eating Princess Peach's royal carpet, if ya catch my drift! They have Samus Aran, aka Metroid, in a three-way with Master Chief and Lara Croft... and perhaps my favorite, WSE StupidStars Major Mario and Lieutenant Luigi double-teaming Misty from Poke'Mon!
BBQ: BAH GAWD ON A BISQUIK!
MK: Speaking of Team 2D, I just received word that your men's opponents are now on their way to the ring...
Howard Fecal: Hailing from the Mushroom Kingdom Marines, they are THE most famous brotherly duo in gaming history... Major Mario... Lieutenant Luigi... TEAM TWO-DEEEE!!!
Howard Fecal: The Rexus has been eliminated!
[HFD & Hatter roll out of the ring, and "The Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson hits.]
Howard Fecal: Led to the ring by Paul E. Beariously, representing Extreme Chumps'N'shit Wrasslin' [ECWCWWF]... 'The Man Yeast' hYpo, and hailing from Iraqistan, Afghanistania ; "The Homicidal, Suicidal, Wedding Bridal, Wavey Tidal, Nature Guide-al, American Idol... Terrorist-in-Training", Yahu!
[hYpo and Yahu both emerge from the back, brandishing steel chairs. They rush down the ramp and slide into the ring, but before they can even stand, Mario and Luigi lay in the boots. Paul E. Beariously screams obscenities from outside the ring, but it does no good as the Mario Brotherz pin both "hardcore" StupidStars without letting either man get to their feet. Mario and Luigi shove the ECWCWWF members out of the ring with their boots, and Paul E. helps his boys to the back...]
BBQ: That was perhaps THE worst showin' I've ever seen in one ah these here gauntlet thing-a-mah-jigs!
MK: That's the second elimination for Team 2D. They're looking to blast through the competition and defy the odds, claiming those 4-play titles despite being one of the very first two teams out here!
Howard Fecal: I have just received word from Chairman Mac Bry that for the remainder of this match, four teams will duke it out at once, with a team replacing each one eliminated. When we reach the final four, the ladders will come out, and the titles will be contested for! The first of three opponents for Team 2D ;
Speakers: So... you think you can tell us what tah wear?
You think you can tell us how loud tah play our kazoos?
Ya think you've got a cute knit sweater?
Well yah bettah get ready...
... TAH EAT A HAM SAMMICH~!!1one
Howard Fecal: Hailing from the Shady Pines Retirement Home... representing dEvolution-X... they are Super Sized Schnozz and The HeadAche KIDDD!!!
["Smells Like Nirvana" by Weird Al Yankovic hits on the speakers, and Triple S comes through the curtains, pushing "The HeadAche Kid" Ron Mitchells in a shopping cart. Trips shoves the shopping cart down the ramp, sending it and Ron careening down the aisle and CRASHing into the side of the ring. Trips rushes down to the ring as fast as his big fat nose can take him... He checks on Ron, making sure the shopping cart isn't hurt... yes, the cart. Can't damage it, it cost him a whole dollar at the flea market! SSS and HAK roll into the ring under the bottom rope, and take to two opposite turnbuckles, raising their fists, taking in the cheers and laughs of the crowd, loving these two happy go-lucky goofballs. The team of dEvolution-X stand down from the turnbuckle, and high-five one another.]
Howard Fecal: Next, hailing from Frogish, France... FiFi and Pierre ; La French Fries!
["The Stinky Cheese Ballad in E Minor" by Pepe LePew plays, and the duo walk out, Pierre waving a large French flag proudly in the air. The audience shower their distaste for the two down upon La French Fries, as the two men make their trek to the ring. Pierre stands the French flag up on the corner turnbuckle... Once the French team are both inside, Howard Fecal gives the last intro.]
Howard Fecal: And finally...
Speakers: YO, YO, YO, YO, YO! LEMME SPIT ON DIS!
["Street Wise" by Big Dick Johnson hits, and the crowd show their love for the next team...]
Howard Fecal: Hailing from daStreetz, and accompanied to the ring by Million Dollah Mills... "The World's Sexiest Chocolate Man" JJ Mynuz, and DJ Dizk Jawkey... The 200 7!V3 kreW~!!1one
MK: Ya know what, that's way too damn complicated to spell out, we had to actually copy and paste that crap. From now on these guys are the J2 Krew, agreed?
BBQ: Agreed.
[Both JJ and DJ hold microphones, as they rap to the beat of "Street Wise" all the way to the ring.]
JJ: YO, we da J2 Krew, and we be comin' right at'cha!
DJ: Ya best watch ya back or the Krew gon' jack ya!
JJ: Yo, you think you've had it rough, you think that your tough?
Well, ya little punk, we gonna prove that ain't enough!
DJ: We the baddest thing since that Disney named Walt.
And unlike Gene Snitsky? heck yeah it's our fault!
JJ: Yo, we da J2 Krew, and we be bad to tha bone!
And the mean streetz is where we call our home.
DJ: If ya step up tah us? We gonna knock ya back down
We gonna kick ya in butt, before we rock this town!
JJ: We Stree!
DJ: We Wise!
JJ: We the men you despise!
DJ: We gonna take ya apart, cut ya back down to size!
JJ: We the ONLY world order, ain't noone that compares.
We got style, strength, power, flash, agression and flair!
DJ: Ya wanna play with us? Ya best stick to ya toys.
We the thuggin', buggin' men that be r-r-rockin' this noise.
JJ: I said it once before, and Ima say it again -
We gonna keep it street wise till da very end, YA HEARD?
[The Krew make it to the ring, and while Team 2D, La French Fries and dEvolution-X taunt them to come in, the J2 Krew continue to rap on the outside...]
DJ: The Krew been rockin' every day and all night,
We prepared for a war, and we prepared for a fight.
JJ: So if ya wanna take us on, we'll be ready tah rumble!
Cuz the city we rule? It's our own type of jungle!
DJ: We take no prisoners, got our guns at the ready,
You mess wit' da Krew, we'll chop ya up like spaghetti!
JJ: I tell ya that's no lie, and it ain't no joke...
Mess wit' da Krew?
Get prepared to be smoked. Cue Chorus...
DJ: We be spendin' all our lives in a world where a sucka gotsta be street wise!
We be spendin' all our lives in a world where a sucka gotsta be street wise!
Million Dollah Mills: NUMBAH ONE IN DA HOOD, G!
Major Mario: MAMA MIA, get in the damn ring ya meatball-brained mooks!!!
Mills: Kick their asses, dawgs!
JJ: We on it, homie!
DJ: LE'S DO DIS, BITCHEZ!!!
[DJ & JJ drop their microphones, before sliding into the ring... but Mario and Luigi return to the same tactic they used to defeat hYpo and Yahu of ECWCWWF, as the Brotherz immediately lay in the boots to the rap masters before they have a chance to stand. The Bros. stomp the Krew like a couple of koopa shells, before pinning them for the three count.]
BBQ: Bah gawdess, the dad-blasted J2 Krew spent more time rhymin' than they did wrasslin'!
MK: And now Howard Fecal is back on the stick, ready to introduce their replacements!
[As SSS & HAK battle with La French Fries, Team 2D play a wirseless game on their Nerdtendo LameBoy 3DSi handheld portable video game contraptions. Probably playing with themselves.]
[... I mean a game of Mario Bros. Not... nevermind.
Take it away, Howie.]
Howard Fecal: Next up on the chopping block... hailing from Little Italy, Louisiana... "The Midget Mafioso", Lil' Nunzio... "The Italian Stallion", Tony Spaghetti... they are the IN-BRED ITALIANS!
["On Top of Spaghetti" by Nirvana plays, and the boys from Little Italy walk out through the curtains to a mild, mixed reaction. Nunzio and Spaghetti walk down to the ring, and knowing the Mario Brotherz method of eliminating the last few teams, they decide not to slide into the ring under the bottom rope, lest they be stomped and pinned. Instead, they both make their way up the ring steps, and walk in through the ropes. SSS and HAK try to lay in the fists and feet, but the mobsters from Little Italy, Louisiana easily overturn the attack, sending both men to the mat. Tony and Lil' Nunzio make the dual cover, and pick up the three count, eliminating dEvolution-X.]
MK: Triple S & the HeadAche Kid may as well be renamed 'D-Jobberation X' after that showing...
BBQ: Fecal is back on the stick, introducin' the next darn-flabbed opponents!
Howard Fecal: Hailing from the Sunny Side of the Dark Side, they are Dean & Frank ~ Goode Copp, Badd Copp!
["Bad Boys" by Inner Circle hits, and the crowd lets out a mixed reaction... half cheering for Dean Goode Copp, the other half booing loudly against Frank Badd Copp. Dean and Frank roll through the curtains on their police choppers, striding quickly down the ramp on the bikes. They park their vehicles outside the ring, before entering the squard-circle. Both men begin fighting Team 2D, while La French Fries and the In-Bred Italians do battle.]
MK: It's a ring war between Italy and France!
BBQ: Just talkin' 'bout it makes me hungry fer spaghetti, pizza
[Tony Spaghetti tosses FiFi into a corner, before rushing in with a MASSIVE body splash, sending the much smaller French man crumbling to the canvas. Tony goes for the pin, but Pierre manages to break up the count. Pierre lays in the boots, before FiFi makes it to his feet and joins in, turning it into a two on one mudhole stomping.]
BBQ: Them dar Frenchies is ah-walkin' a mudhole and stompin' it dry!
MK: ... I think you got that backwards, Boom Boom.
BBQ: Shut yer fly hole, ding-bat!
MK: ... Meanwhile, the Copps are contending with the two men who've lasted the longest in this gauntlet, far exceeding any other team. But can the Brotherz make it to the final four ladder match?
[Frank Badd Copp stands facing Lieutenant Luigi in a corner, chopping away at the plumber's suspender-laden chest. Frank winds up, before slamming into Luigi with a bone-rattling clothesline. Luigi drops on his ass, before Frank pulls the plumber out of the corner and goes for the pin... one... two... thr-no, Mario makes the save! But just as he does, Dean Goode Copp spins Mario around and takes a leap, leveling Major Mario with a hurricanrana, sending Mario rolling out of the ring. But when the Copps turn their attention back to Luigi... he's nowhere to be found... On the other side of the ring, Lil' Nunzio has come to the aid of his partner Tony, evening up the sides. Nunzio and Tony trade rights and lefts with FiFi and Pierre. Frank Badd Copp comes up from behind FiFi, slaps on a pair of handcuffs, and shoves the French man into Tony, who simply crushes the poor guy with a sidewalk slam, followed up by a cover. Pierre tries to make the save, but Lil' Nunzio drops him with a neckbreaker, allowing Tony to pick up the three, eliminating La French Fries.]
[As La French Fries head back to the lockerroom, Howard Fecal makes the next introduction.]
Howard Fecal: Next to have their asses handed to them... their team calls 'Jobberton, U.S.A.' its headquarters, so you can see where this one's headed... from GraceLand, he is World Sports Entertainment's resident Elvis impersonator ; The KING!... and his tag team partner... his hometown is Top Secret... WSE's resident special agent ; Double... Oh... ZEROOO!!! They are ; The jobPac~!!1one
[A wolf howl is heard emitting from the speakers, before "Never Say Never" by Justin Bieber hits, and out walks King & 000. The team walk down the aisle, high-fiving the fans... they slide into the ring...
... before being soundly stomped by the In-Bred Italians and pinned for the elimination. The jobPac then rolls out of the ring and walks back up the aisle, high-fiving the fans before heading backstage.]
MK: Damn... you'd REALLY think the guys in this gauntlet would learn their lesson about entering the ring by sliding under the bottom rope by now... but nooo, we're still seeing dipwads stomped and pinned within a matter of seconds. Such nerds...
BBQ: Alls I gotsta say is ; slather 'em with barbee-cue saush, them meatheads is COOKED!
[Suddenly, the lights dim... and the sound of a kitchen timer buzzing is heard.]
Speakers: Bread Man Walkin'...
["Push It" by Salt 'N' Peppah plays, and the UnderBaker's minions Salt and Pepper emerge from the back, both wearing dark black cloaks.]
Howard Fecal: Hailing from Bread Valley... they are Salt & Pepper ; The Bakery... of DARKNESS!
[The lights go out and completely just as Salt and Pepper begin to make their way down the ramp... after a moment or two, the lights return, and instead of being on the ramp, S&P are standing in the center of the ring, clobbering both the I.B.I. and Goode Copp, Badd Copp. Salt tosses Dean Goode Copp over the top rope, and Pepper does likewise with Lil' Nunzio on the opposite side of the ring. Tony Spaghetti rushes after Pepper to take up for his partner, and Frank Badd Copp has the same intentions toward Salt... but both men are captured by the throat simultaneously by the UnderBaker's disciples. Both Frank and Tony are hoisted high into the air... before being slammed to the mat by Salt & Pepper.]
BBQ: DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! Bah gawdess, double chokeslam from the fiery pits ah HELL!
MK: And this one's gotta be over for both of those two teams! Salt & Pepper go for the combo pins... and they get them!
BBQ: And them two big boys lift up the Cop and the Pisano, before tossin' 'em up and over the darn-fangled top rope... right onto their respective tag team pardners!
MK: Both Goode Copp, Badd Copp AND the In-Bred Italians have been eliminated! But wait a minute... HERE COME TEAM 2D! They were hiding the whole time!
BBQ: And Luigi's got dat galled-darn-blasted Koopa Shell! Anythin' goes in these types ah matches! I know we never said anythin' about that, but this seems like a convenient enough time!
[The Lieutenant blasts Salt in the back of the head, sending him rolling out of the ring, while Major Mario hooks Pepper by the shoulders... He then flings Pepper rocketing into the corner back-first, causing him to the drop down on his rear. Luigi holds the Koopa Shell in front of Pepper... before his Bro. races in, soars into the air, and sends the shell SMASHING back into Pepper's face with a lethal dropkick! Mario then pulls Pepper to his feet by the wrist, irish-whips him toward Luigi, who finishes things off with an enziguri to Pepper's head. BOTH Brotherz go for a pile-up pin, and the ref reaches the three... eliminating Salt & Pepper!]
MK: That's three more teams out of the running, and one more fallen at the hands of the Mario Brotherz! These two are quickly racking up eliminations, despite being in there from the very beginning!
BBQ: Can they go... all... the... WAY?!
Howard Fecal: Introducing the next three teams in the 4-play Tag Team Title Tables, Ladders and Chairs Gauntlet... First, hailing from Tijuana, Japan... El Taco & Jippy Jam the Japanese Jughead, accompanied to the ring by 'Senor Sensei' Yosho-Yamaha Jose-Fernando DelTakafanakasazukajiri, the 3rd... they ARE ; Beaner Sushi!
MK: Seriously narrator, how many times do these jerks need to watch the monitor backstage to know NOT to enter the ring that way in this match?!
BBQ: Needless tah say, Team 2D immediately lay in the boots to them there skulls, and go for the pin. And they bah gawdess git 'r' did before the other two teams even make their entrances!
MK: Mario and Luigi pick up Taco and Jippy, before heaving them over the top rope and right on top of their 'Sensei', Yosho-Yama Jose-whateverthefuckhisnameis. Lots of jobbers on this roster... that must be what Chairman Mac Bry meant by cleaning up the Never-Will-Be's and forcing them all the way down the ladder to the position of clean-up crew. After WrestleNymphoMania... expect lots of changes, sports fans...
BBQ: But right now, Howie Fecal's gonna call out three fresh new teams to the slaughter! Soooiieee, here piggy, piggy, piggy...
Howard Fecal: Hailing from Fuddleyville...
[At this, the crowd roars their approval. They know who's next, and they've been waiting throughout this match for this possible encounter...]
MK: A team that's just as thick in blood with one another as Team 2D. Some may even say both of these teams share the same influence...
BBQ: They're both bah gawdess rip-offs of them damn Dudley Boyz. Even I know that, and I'm a retarded redneck!
MK: ...
Howard Fecal: Blubba-Butt and Hee-Haw... THE FUDDLEY FAMILLLYYY!!!
["Kill Da Wabbit" by Fuddtallica bleeds through the speakers, and the fans shower the emerging Blubba-Butt and Hee-Haw with cheers. The Fuddz run down the ramp... and slide into the ring?! Don't tell me they're dumb enough to fall for the same damn trap?!]
MK: Well... I wouldn't quite put it past them. They may not be the In-Bred Italians, but the Fuddley Family tree pretty much runs in a straight vertical line...
BBQ: But what's this?! BB&HH are takin' da stomps to the skulls... they're fightin' through 'em! They're reachin' their danged ol' feet, and now the two teams of blood brotherz are dukin' it out! NOW THIS IS WHAT WRESTLENYMPHOMANIA IS ALL ABOUT! Bah Gawdess, THIS is a WrestleNymphoMania moment! We're finally seein' the fire in this place that we once saw at WrestleNymphoMania 69! The flame is re-lit, and WSE is back in business here at the Grand Pappy of 'em all! WHO SAID MIRACLES DON'T EXIST?!
MK: ... Uh, Boom Boom?
BBQ: They said WSE was dead and buried! They said it was all over with! They said World Sports Entertainment had seen its best days and it was on its death bed! They said it was breathin' it's last breath!
MK: BOOM BOOM!!!
BBQ: What?!
MK: Team 2D just finished pinning the Fuddleyz. Mario chucked Hee-Haw over the top rope, and then dropped Blubba-Butt over Luigi's knee with a MASSIVE two man atomic drop... the Fuddleyz' own move, called the 1-D.
BBQ: ... They beat them idjits with their own dall-garned move? Really? ... Really?
MK: Yes, Miz, really.
BBQ: I AIN'T NO MIZ!
MK: Then stop ripping off his lines... nerd.
BBQ: Stop bein' a bigger tool than Michael Cole.
MK: You'd think with how big of a douchebag that guy is it would be easy, but oddly enough no...
BBQ: WAIT A MINUTE! AGAIN! The Arbyz Boyz have already entered the ring, making their way through the audience! They've slid in the ring, only from BEHIND Team 2D!
MK: They're standing behind Mario & Luigi, who are both awaiting Howard Fecal's introduction...
Howard Fecal: Hailing from the Fast Food Nation... Mickie D. & Carl Jr. ... TEAM PIZZA SUPREME, aka, The ARBYZ BOYZZZ!
["Trapped in the Drive-Thru" by Weird Al Yankovic hits, and through the curtains walks... Wendy, a red-headed big gal who looks like a heavy-set Lita.]
BBQ: She looks like mah kinda woman, I tell ya what!
MK: Cool your jets, fat stuff...
BBQ: But Team 2D ain't got no idea ah what in tarnations goin' on here! They stare down Wendy, not knowin' their opponents are ah-standin' right behind 'em!
[Mickie and Carl tap Mario and Luigi on their shoulders... which works to a tee, as the Bros. slowly turn around... right into TWO clotheslines, sending the both of them up and over and to the outside. Mickie and Carl look at eachother, and smile...]
BBQ: What could they be thinkin' here?! Those two boys is crazier than a pet coon covered in barbee-cue shaush!
MK: Do you cover EVERYTHING in barbecue-saush? I mean SAUCE...
BBQ: Pretty much.
MK: Figures...
[Mickie D. and Carl Jr. run toward the set of ropes opposite where they've dropped the Marioz... they spring off, rush toward the side of the ring where Team 2D has been deposited, before catapulting themselves OVER the top rope, and even with their girth, the two flabby fellas fly like torpedoes into Mario and Luigi, who were both slowly standing back up...]
BBQ: I have somethin' in common with those two... I've got a bit of a gut.
MK: A bit?
BBQ: But what I don't have in common with 'em? Is there ain't NO CHANCE in hades I'd EVER be able to pull off a maneuvre like that right there! How d'ya learn to fly over a top rope when ya got an ass the size of a small S.U.V?!
MK: Could've done without that comparison... DON'T need to think about any of you guys' asses, thank you very much.
BBQ: But regardless, The Arbyz Boyz have flattened Team 2D... and Howard Fecal is prepared to deliver the next intro!
Howard Fecal: Next, hailing from Washington, D.C., he is the American Patriot and long-time WSE StupidStar, Redd W. Bloo... and his partner, hailing from Teh Interwebz, Alberta, Canada, he is WSE's official "l33t hax0r" extraordinairre... creator of the X-Station Wii60, Maxwell GATES... Together? They are... TEAM... Ameri-CANADAAA!!!
["I'm Proud to be AmeriCanadian" by Green Day and Ham plays, and Bloo & Gates come out, Bloo waving the American flag., Gates waving the Canadian flag, both receiving jeers from the sold-out Hell Hole arena in DisneyWorldLand. Bloo & Gates begin to walk down the ramp, as their theme song slowly fades and Howard Fecal makes the fifteenth and final introduction of the gauntlet.]
Howard Fecal: And finally... once this team enters the fray, all four teams will compete to see who can remove the tag titles from the cable above the ring, and claim the right to be called 4-play tag champs! Hailing from right here in Nowhere, Oklahoma, representing the Hierarchy -
["Save Us" by Mushroomhead hits...
... before the lights cut out completely.]
MK: Not another entrance involving the lights going out... don't we have enough of these in this Industry?
BBQ: Kohl, I've just received word... this ain't no entrance. Apparently we're havin' technical difficulties...
MK: Not now! Not at the very end of this long and pain-staking match! IT WAS A CHORE JUST SITTING HERE AND WATCHING THE DAMNED THING, there's no way I sat through all of that just to end up in darkness!
BBQ: Well, sorry Mitchell, but -
Speakers: SHUT UP! Both of you! Boom Boom, Kohl... I've had enough of your babbling for one night. Just sit back and WITNESS... the end of the beginning!
MK: I think -
Speakers: I SAID SHUT IT! I don't pay you to think! I pay you to read MY scripts... and right now? I order you to read NOTHING! Techie... cue the lights.
[At this command, the lights return... and on the outside of the ring, the Arbyz and Team 2D are BOTH beaten, battered, and bruised from head to toe, all four men lying in a giant pool of blood, unconcious and piled ontop of one another... far worse off now than they were after the bump the Arbyz took onto the Mario Bros. And in the middle of the ring... Redd W. Bloo and Max Gates are flatlined, broken black baseball bats lying beside their heads. And standing upon a ladder... holding the 4-play titles... are Axl VanHalen, and "The Show", Reeve Gordon... collectively known as the Hierarchy.]
BBQ: What the HELL just went down here?!
MK: Isn't it obvious? Those two brave competitors, Axl and Reeve, just toughed it out through this contest to score the 4-play titles! They're AWESOME!!!
BBQ: Calm down, Miz...
MK: SHUT YOUR FAT PIE HOLE, dough boy!
BBQ:
[THE Mac Bry is shown on the Not-The-Titan-Tron, which from now on will be referred to as THE Big Screen. Beside the commentary table there stands Howard Fecal with his microphone, and standing beside him... is Vince RUSSO?! What on EARTH is he doing here? So many questions... Russo whispers into Fecal's ear... who then lifts the mic to his mouth.]
Fecal: Ladies and gentlemen... I have just been informed by the newly instated Commisioner of WSE, Vince Russo -
BBQ: OH dear lord...
MK: YES! Score! Things are changing already!
BBQ: Not fer the better, unfortunately...
Fecal: - that your new 4-Play Tag Team Champions... are Axl VanHalen and Reeve Gordon... aka -
TMB [from THE B.S.] : THE Mac's World Order!!! Yes, that's right bitchez, THE Order is BACK... and this time? We're truly taking over. THE mWo is the very catalyst I've chosen to lead this company into its new era, and out of the dark ages!
[From the curtains walk the Applecore Champ, End Game... as well as Axl & Reeve's fellow, now FORMER Hierarchy member, Steve Roydz... as well as three men known as "Barely Good" Hack Hokum, "Big Scratchy" Kevin Rash, and "The Fat Guy" Bing O. Hall... and two men who look suspicously like Vince and Shane McMahon...]
TMB: We took control of the Applecore title... we now have the 4-play titles... and in the main event of MY spectacle, here at the grandest stage of 'em all... we WILL have the World Sports Entertainment Heavyweight Title of the WORLD! And yes I know that's a bit redundant, saying 'world' twice, but PAY ATTENTION... I have re-hired Vincent Kennedy Russo to be my PERSONAL Commish... and the two men standing here on stage are very close to my heart... For you see, they are the two men who helped me bring back WSE after that BASTARD Jack Hoff had my special guest GM at Holiday Havoc sign the company over to "The Hoff-ster" just so that fat sack of shit could shut it down. He had NO right... absolutely NO right. He may have created this company... but I kept it running when he COULDN'T. And after tonight? EVERYTHING... will be changed. I took the stable I formed, The Industry, and with Mr. Russo, combined it with iMMORAL... to form a new, FAR more powerful mWo than has ever been seen before.
TMB: The two men you see standing amid the others... are none-other than Jack Hoff's very own brother, Vince McHunt, and Vince's son, Jack's own NEPHEW, Shane. When Jack bought WSE, and before he finished going through the process of attempting to turn it into nothing more than a greeting card manufacturing company... I'll never understand that... these two tricked the poor sucker into signing two-thirds of the company over to them. And because of that? They were able to overturn Jack's bid to transform MY creation into nothing more than a dopey Hallmark Card knock-off! WSE is my baby... and because of men like Vince, Shane, and Commisioner Russo? It ALWAYS will be!!! With these seven supreme StupidStars, and the combined powers of THREE geniuses of this Industry?
TMB: THE Mac's World Order will be... unstoppable. End transmission...
[As THE Big Screen, which will now be referred to as THE Tron for some unfathomable reason... as "THE Tron" cuts off, our camera switches to Mac's office... where interviewer Mike Stand has just entered the room...]
Mike: Mr. Bry... I just have one question.
TMB: Make it quick, simpleton.
Mike: Weren't Axl and Reeve the two men who helped Jack Hoff pound you down at the end of Holiday Havoc? We have a clip...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
["Crazy Train" hits, and Ozzy Osbourne emerges from the curtains, flanked by "The Ultimate Fighting Chickenshit" Gruel Renshaw. Ozzy sends down the MMA loser, who is soundly defeated in a minute flat. Gruel is tossed over the top rope... but when THE Mac Bry looks back at the stage, Ozzy is nowhere to be seen! The "Family Matters" theme song plays over the sound system, and Steven Q. Urkle mosies on down... Mac is prepared... but from behind, Ozzy nails him with an uppercut to the nuts!]
Mitchell Kohl: VINTAGE LOWBLOW!
BBQ: MMMmm, NUTS!
[Speaking of which... "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire" by the Wu-Tang Clan strikes the speakers, and it's SANTA CLAUSE! Santa runs down the ramp as fast as his stubby little legs can carry his fat frame. Santa waddles into the ring carrying a hefty bag of toys. No... literally, a 'Hefty' brand trash bag which is filled with toys I can only presume... Ozzy and Urkle lift THE Mac up after that hellacious uppernut... and Santa SLAMS the trash bag-o-toys into $hane's face, sending him crashing back down to the canvas!]
Mitchell Kohl: VINTAGE SANTA CLAUSE!!!
BBQ:VINTAGE *BUUUUURRRPPPP!!!*
Mitchell Kohl: Hey, get yer own lines, ya NERD!
BBQ: ... THIS IS ONE HELLUVA TUNA BAKER, FOLKS!!!
Mitchell Kohl: ... Better.
[Santa empties the trash bag onto the mat...]
Mitchell Kohl: Those aren't toys at all! They're shards of broken glass!
BBQ: MMMmmmmmm... SHARDS OF BROKEN GLASS!!!
Mitchell Kohl: ...
[Urkle lays in a few stomps to Mac... before a sick smile spreads across his face.]
Steven Q. Urkle: ... Did IIIiii dooo thaaat?! *snort, snort*
[Urkle then rips Mac from off the mat, and he and Ozzy irish whip Mac into the ropes...
... and on the rebound, Santa lifts him up... and DRIVES Mac Bry into the glass with the Double A SpineBuster!!!]
[Santa goes for the pin... and picks up the one... the two... and three-NO! Mac kicked out-NO! I'm just foolin' w/ya, Mac lost. ^_^ ]
Mitchell Kohl: I can't Believe it ladies and gentlemen! THE Mac Bry actually LOST! I could've sworn he'd use his stroke to put himself over Chris Cringle...
BBQ: MMMMMMMMmmmmmm, KAYFAAAABE!
Mitchell Kohl: Well, for Good ol' Boom Boom Quaker, this is Mitchell "Vintage" Kohl saying -
[ - Suddenly, Santa, Urkle and Ozzy begin laying a huge beatdown on Mac Bry... before Ozzy & Urkle reveal themselves to be Axl VanHalen & Reeve Gordon respectively... Santa lifts up THE Mac, tosses him over the top and to the outside. "Santa" rips off his beard and hat... revealing none other than former Chairman of World Sports Entertainment, Jack Hoff. Jack grabs a microphone... staring down at the heap of Mac Bry on the outside.]
Jack Hoff: $hane...I made a deal with your appointed Guest Host of the night, Benjamin Tyrell Ryan-sc00ter... and you wanna know WHY this match was called a "Christmas Gift" gauntlet? ... It's cuz my gift to you... free of charge... is to now be on the very same list of companies you've either taken-over or destroyed... For the past decade, ever since you started in this business, you've USED men just like Axl and Reeve here... Federation after federation, company after company... You've used people to grab the gold... to claim the power... and to lay waste to the rest. Well, $hane? NO MORE... Your time has come, Mac Bry. Welcome... to the list.
Jack Hoff: Thanks to Mr. Ryan-sc00ter & myself, WSE is now OFFICIALLY dead...
JH: ... Merry Fuckin' Christmas, bitchez.
["Kill Tomorrow" by Mushroomhead strikes up, as Jack Hoff, Axl VanHalen, and Reeve Gordon celebrate the demise of World Sports Entertainment, center of the ring.]
[...outside the ring, THE Mac slowly awakens... staring up at the three men who have, after three years, driven the nail into the coffin of his creation.]
[... $hane silently murmurs to himself...]
$hane: ...this is only... the end...
... of the beginning... bPrepared...
|cut|
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
[Camera returns to the Hell Hole, present time, where Mike awaits Mac's response...]
Mac: It's simple, Mikey. When I awoke, looking up at those three figures, I realized something... "Axl & Reeve" were wearing masks. That's right, masks UNDER the two "Urkle & Ozzy" masks. The Truth? Is that when I confronted those two after Jack had left, I REMOVED those second masks... only to find out that they actually WERE Urkle and Ozzy. They easily spilled the beans ; Jack shoved those masks on those two has-been celebs to de-rail my train of thought. He wanted me to THINK that Axl & Reeve had betrayed me. The TRUTH? Is that Urkle & Ozzy were afraid. Of me... and of the wrath of World Sports Entertainment. I've had so many run-ins with the both of them since I began in this business ten years ago. I don't know WHAT it is, but they just can't help but stick their nose in my business when it involves a wrestling ring. It's a strange recipe... but tonight? I roast them. And this recipe of b-list celebs, sports entertainment, and yours truly? Is cooked to a crisp.
Mike: How exactly do you plan on handling things?
Mac: Mike... we've got a Thirty-Man Rumble. And two of those men? Will be the Ozz and the Urk. And when they've been THOROUGHLY obliterated in that match? They will never... EVER... want to cross my path again. And my good pal, Commisioner Russo, has taken the authority to place another, ahem, "competitor" into the mix... David Arquette. Why? Because he has deemed Arquette as the SOLE reason Vinny-Ru wasn't able to manage WCW's sound trouncing of WWF/E. He let me know that Arquette's claims of not really wanting to be Champion, and being such a "proud fan of the wrestling business"? That all of that was Davey-boy's little way of covering up the fact that, honestly, he just wanted to find SOME way to hold on to his fifteen minutes of fame. Why do you think he's always showing up at WWE events? It's sure as hell not because Arquette actually enjoys the show, I can tell ya that much!
Mike: Well, any other surprise entrants for the Rumble?
Mac: Well if I told you, they wouldn't be a surprise now would they?! I'm finished with you, get the hell out of my sight!
Mike: Thank you sir... here's to a stellar main event.
Mac: You damn well better Believe it...
[Mike Stand steps out of the room... leaving Mac alone in his office. Mac continues to stare ahead... as if making sure Mike is out of the area... before reaching into his pocket, and pulling out a cell-phone. He dials a number quickly, and lifts it to his ear.]
Mac: ... I just saw the clip again... you're right. I need to make damned sure the place is locked down... he might try something. It's my biggest event of the year, and what better time to crash my party... Vinny-Ru, I want you to have End Game, Hack, Hall, Rash, Roydz, Reeve AND Axl all standing by with the full security team and a police task force, all surrounding the arena. And I want you, Shane and Vince to man the front entrance from the inside, JUST in case. I can NOT have him screw this up. I have everything riding on our man walking away with the World Title, and if he even TRIES to pull off what we think he is on THIS night? Well, we may as well just say everything we've done tonight was for nought. Because quite frankly...
Mac: ... If he does what we THINK he's going to do? The only thing that will matter... is where we go from here. Take care of your end... I'll do my best to take care of mine.
[Mac looks up at the camera, before hurriedly dropping the cell on his desk, and running over to the camera, backing the cameraman out of the room, before slamming the office door... we cut out to a pre-taped segment...]
+ - - - - - +
LMNOP "Birth of a Legend" Segment By Jocelyn :
The scene opens up with Luscious Melancholy Nasdaq Oxford Porterhouse in a Basketball court shooting but can't get a basket after several attempts. Suddenly a man wearing a Toronto Raptors Jersey and red sweat pants comes out of the doors with a whistle around his neck. It's Ajax.
Ajax: Hello there Luscious.
Luscious: You're..Ajax. What are you doing in WSE?
Ajax: I'm your new mentor. I run my own wrestling company and I'm pretty much free to roam around. My cousin Rough works in WSE and I thought I'd stop by. I excelled in alot of sports back in my High School days and I'm here to help you with sports..and wrestling of course. Pass me the ball.
Luscious passes the ball to Ajax as Ajax makes a perfect 3 point shot.
Ajax: The key is to snap your wrist. Keep your eyes on the target. And just let it swish.
Ajax passes the ball to Luscious. Luscious misses and seems very disappointed that he missed.
Luscious: I'm sorry.
Ajax: It's ok. We all miss. Just try it again.
Again. Ajax passes the ball to Luscious. Luscious drains a 3 point shot and is estatic.
Luscious: I can't believe I did it. All my life I looked athletic and I still managed to fail gym class. I've always dreamed about being a sports star and maybe now I can be one thanks to you.
Ajax: We have alot of work to do my friend. But now come with me. You need to brush up on the most important part. Pro Wrestling. Come with me.
Luscious and Ajax walk out of the basketball court and into Ajax's SUV as the commercial break airs.
After the commercial break we see Ajax and Luscious in Ajax's basement in Moncton, New Brunswick. Both men are in Ajax's custom made ring while Ajax is going through the details.
Ajax: Alright we're gonna go through some basics. If you didn't memorize the basics I'll stiff you. Alrighty? GO!
Luscious runs at full speed into the ropes and executes a clean clothesline. Ajax gets back up only to be knocked back down with a shoulder block. Ajax quickly gets back on his feet and armdrags Luscious to the mat.
Ajax: Alright that was good. Thats exactly what I wanted to see. You've mastered the basics. Now its time to teach you the more advanced things.
Ajax brings in his trainee for Luscious.
Ajax: Every week you'll be learning a new move. This move is called the Powerbomb.
Ajax demonstrates the Powerbomb on his trainee and Luscious nods his head. The Trainee gets up and Luscious picks up the Trainee and brings him down for the Powerbomb.
Ajax: Excellent work Luscious. We'll pick up the training next time. By the time I'm done with you you'll be an All-Around athlete my friend.
Luscious: Thank you mister Ajax. I appreciate your help. Which reminds me, do you want to play a few games of Madden 12 on your big screen?
Ajax: HA!..I've been playing Madden since I was in Kindergarden. You're on boy.
The camera fades to black as Ajax and Luscious run up stairs like two children getting called up for dinner.
+ - - - - - +
[main event below...]
[The camera opens... to a darkened room. A lightbulb dangles loosely overhead, and other than that, there is nothing in sight. The dim glow casts over a vacant space... bare, and without life. Until...]
[... A single figure walks onto the scene from stage left.]
[THE Mac Bry.]
[He wears a jet black suit, red under-shirt, black tie, and a pair of ruby-tinted shades. His long, ravenesque black hair is tied into a ponytail, and his hands are shoved into his pockets. He smiles so maliciously that the devil himself would be sickened at the sight. Mac at first glares through his sunglasses into the lens of the camera... before turning his head, looking off to the left, letting out a deep sigh... reflecting on the past. A bright flash slices through the screen, and we see images from WSE's past... From the very beginning, Jack Hoff giving birth to a unique creation in what was then called "The UnFed". StupidStars such as raYne, Reeve Gordon, Wright Angle, Val Halla, Redd W. Bloo, Goo the Adventurer, Zorlax Firling, Gruel Renshaw, Kruzifix, Team 2D, John Semen, SuperManDudePersonGuy, The Brown Ranger, Triple S, The UnderBaker, 'Drunk Ass' Austin Stevens, HollyRocky, and many more. The screen returns to Mac Bry, standing with his side to the camera, staring in the direction of stage right, almost as if he's looking ahead. We then see visions of an insurgance of fresh talent in World Sports Entertainment... Anarchy, Hyped Fairy Daddy, Rushing Tom, Mad Hatter, Bubbles the Bastard, Rough Shagwell and others.]
[The screen flashes once again, and we find Mac Bry sitting in a wooden chair beneath the hanging lightbulb. He smiles from behind the shades... before using his middle finger to pull the glasses down the bridge of his nose. His eyes are dark brown, and filled with pride and anticipation for tonight's event... the culmination of three years of dedication... A night where one path ends... only for an epic journey to begin. He looks down at the hard wood floor, hands clasped in his lap. He chuckles lightly to himself...]
TMB: This is where it all began... in this very room, a man named Jack Hoff concocted what he referred to as The UnFed. This log cabin... once his home. He was down on his luck... he was grasping at straws... and finally? It hit him. An idea that changed the course of professional amateur fake-ass e-sports entertainment wrasslin'... forever. He wanted change... he wanted a product that delievered something different. He created a company based soley around comedy.
TMB: Three years later? Change has arrived once more... only this time? It has come to rectify what mistakes Jack Hoff made.
TMB: Namely...
... creating a wrestling company based soley around comedy.
TMB: I have a dream. ... A vision. A vision that will transform this company into something that has never before been seen in ANY form of entertainment. A ground-breaking, foundation-shaking, earth-shattering transformation...
[Mac looks up from the floor... the smile now gone from his face, replaced with a strong, serious look. He pushes the ruby-tinted shades back over his eyes using his middle finger. He licks his lips, and breathes heavily... before speaking, oh so solemnly...]
TMB: Tonight... a new chapter is written. A chapter that will set in motion the future of this federation... as well as the rest of my life here on Earth. This is not the beginning of the end...
TMB: This is truly... the end of the beginning.
TMB: Welcome... to the New Horizon.
[Mac raises his hand above his head, and grasps the chain attached to the lightbulb's base. Still sitting in the wooden chair, Mac Bry pulls the chain downward...
... plunging the room into darkness.]
==================
Live [on tape] from The Hell Hole!!!
DisneyWorldLand, Nowhere, OKLAHOMA ... 06/03/12
==================
["Born Again" by Marilyn Manson plays over the arena speakers, as we open to a packed Hell Hole in the center of Nowhere, Oklahoma's DisneyWorldLand amusement park. Fans lift signs proclaiming such things as "Rough Shagwell will FUCK. YOU. UP.", "Finally, HollyRocky has come BACK... to DisneyWorldLand", and "John Semen is the Doctor of Wigganomix!". Pyro sets off on stage, before blasting down the ramp, and finally exploding around the ring. We turn our attention to the commentary desk, where our new announce team of Good ol' Boom Boom Quaker and Mitchell "Vintage" Kohl are prepared to kick things off...]
BBQ: Hello there folks, and welcome to a brand new bah gawd era here at good ol' World Sports Entertainment!!!
MK: VINTAGE Boom Boom Quaker! Ladies and gentlemen, and all you vegan NERDS with no TV still living in your parents basements, it's time for the SPECTACLE that is... WrestleNymphoMania!!! I am Mitcehll "Vintage" Kohl, and sitting beside me like a big fat bump on a log, it is the redneck retard himself, the Oklahoman idiot with the cheap, dollar store black cowboy hat, none other than Good ol' Boom Boom Quaker! BBQ, say hi to the people watching around the world, in places like Luxembourgh, Paris, Africa, Australia, Antarctica, Mars, the Earthling Moon, and the Mushroom Kingdom Marines Network!
BBQ: ... You're a tool.
MK: And with that, let's send it to the ring, where ring announcer Howard Fecal is ready to introduce our first two combatants...
Howard Fecal: Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, cats and dogs and children of all alien races. The following contest is the opening bout of WrestleNymphoMania : The End. It is scheduled for one glorified squash, and is for the Mastery of the Fine Art of Jobbing Title.
["Pretty Fly for a White Guy" by the OffSpring hits, and Daniel Bryan Danielson steps through the curtains to a mild reaction from the live audience. He wears a pair of short velvet red spandex, crimson knee and elbow pads, and red boots. His hair is cut short, but his facial hair is kept in a long, scraggly beard. He wears a white jacket to the ring with the words written on the back proclaiming "I'm the Best in the World and All I Got Was This Lousy Jacket".]
Howard Fecal: Hailing from Albino, Washington... the White Bread Wonder... Daniel Bryan Danielson!
[Danny-Boy steps up the ring staircase, and through the ropes. He removes his jacket and passes it off to Howard Fecal, before bouncing off one set of ropes, and then the oppposite... he lifts his fists to the heavens, soaking in the smattering of cheers he receives.]
[Suddenly...]
Speakers: THIS WON'T TAKE LONG.
[An ominous voice screams through the speakers, before "Take a Picture" by Filter hits the system.]
Howard Fecal: Hailing from Lesnar, Kentucky... he is the MASTER of the F-69... he is "The Next Best Thing"... come taste the pain... he is BROCK... HENDRRRIIIXXX~!!1one
[The crowd roars with a deafening cheer, as pyro sets off on stage, and the curtains part... through the entrance comes the one and only "Next Best Thing", Brock Hendrix. His hair is shaped into a golden blonde crew-cut... he wears a pair of black trunks with white lines down the sides... his feet are slipped into a pair of black boots with white laces... he wears fingerless gloves on either hand, and he wears a black t-shirt with the words "This Won't Take Long" written acrross the front.]
[Brock storms down the ramp, and leaps onto the apron, setting off a blast of pyro from all four corners of the ring, startling the much smaller and scrawnier Danielson. Hendrix grins from ear to ear at the sight of Danielson quaking... Brock steps into the ring... the ref calls for the bell...]
BBQ: ... F-69!!! Brock Hendrix immediately drops Daniel Bryan Danielson with the modified Death Valley Driver!
MK: VINTAGE Brock Hendrix! He goes for the cover... and picks up the pin-fall in a matter of seconds!
Howard Fecal: Your winner, and FIRST EVER Mastery of the Fine Art of Jobbing Champion... Brock HENDRIX!!!
BBQ: That was one helluva tuna-baker of a squash match, Kohl!
MK: I'll say! That NERD Daniel Bryan Danielson got exactly what he deserved!
BBQ: For what?
MK: For being a VEGAN! What else?!
BBQ: ... We now send it to the back, where WSE StupidStar Kruzifix is apparently wanting to recite poetry. ... The fuck?
[Indeed, we head to the back, where Kruzifix is sitting in the boiler room of the arena, in a corner... He wears a leather jacket, shredded jeans, and a plaid shirt wrapped tightly around his waist. His hair is long and crimson red, tied in a ponytail... and his face is covered with a black mask cut off above the nose. He stares down at the concrete floor before him... holding a soiled stuffed monkey in his hands... an eye missing, shrouded in dirt, and ripped... stuffing pouring from here and there.]
Kruz: We are all monkeys.
Primates... primitive beings.
Flinging our own feces at one another...
... clouding our vision and what we are seeing.
Performing in an eternal circus...
Waiting to be tossed a bananna for our efforts.
While the billionaire ring keepers control our fate...
Filling their pockets... and filling us with hurt.
In the end...
... evolution passes us by.
Time keeps on slipping into the future...
We slip on the bananna peel...
... and all we have left to do...
... is try.
qUOTH the Betty...
Evil Betty: ... This is the circus we call humanity. And each and every last one of you are but clowns...
[Kruzifix looks up, and hands the stuffed monkey over to Evil Betty, who takes it... before ripping the head off, and tossing it in the direction of the camera. He drops the 'decapitated' body to the floor, and cackles... before glaring into the camera.]
Evil Betty: ... But soon? The circus will be cancelled... and the day of worship shall arrive. And you will ALL bow at the feet...
[Evil Betty rests a palm on Kruzifix's shoulder... and shows a grin dripping with malice.]
Evil Betty: ... of my disciple... YOUR SAVIOR... Kruzifix.
Kruz: So it was written... so it shall come to pass.
[Evil Betty and Kruzifix stare coldly into the camera's lens... as we fade out on the scene...]
BBQ: Bah gawd, that was one weird freak show, I tell ya what!
MK: You're tellin' me! Well sports fans, we send it back to the ring for the next bout in this jam-packed card. Howard Fecal is ready to deliver the ring introductions...
Howard Fecal: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a triple threat match to determine the NEW Extremely Tepid, Non-lethal, Softcore, Applecore 24/7 Champion! Introducing first... hailing from Jobberton, U.S.A., representing the jobPac, he is the Backyad Bastion of Borderline Bad-Assery... THIS... IS... XXXTRMKORRR~!!1one
["This is Xtrmkor" by Hairy Snatch and the Snatch-Tones strikes up on the speaker system, and the fans go... to the bathroom, merchandise counter and concession stand.
Regardless, Xtrmkor emerges from the curtains, carrying a steel chair. He raises the chair into the air, before acting as if he's playing the guitar upon the steel, all the way to the ring. He slides in under the bottom rope, and continues to "strum" away at the steel chair.]Howard Fecal: And his opponents... first, hailing from right HERE in DisneyWorldLand, he is the Rated PG StupidStar... he is the official World Sports Entertainment spokesperson for Disney and its WSE programming... he IS... Nickey... MOWSSSEEE!!!
["It's a Small World Land" by the Goof Troop hits, and the audience lets out a vicous round of jeers and boos, for the man whose sole mission is to make WSE more "family-friendly". Nickey steps through the curtains, with buck-teeth, and long, brown hair... he wears a hat which is black with mickey mouse-like ears... big, yellow gloves... red shorts with yellow buttons... a plain, black t-shirt... and big, floppy, yellow bowling shoes. Nickey stop mid-ramp, and looks out to the crowd, before lifting both of his fists to the air, signaling for pyro to go off. He smiles broadly, before rushing down the ramp... sliding into the ring under the bottom rope, and walking toward the far ropes. He places a foot on the bottom rope, and lifts a fist up, soaking in the negative reaction of the crowd.]
Howard Fecal: And finally... representing the Rexus...hailing from London, England... standing at five feet, eleven inches... weighing 226 pounds... the former two-time, two-time Extremely Tepid, Non-lethal, Softcore, Applecore 24/7 Champion... This! Is! ANARCHYYY!
["London Calling" by The Clash hits, and Anarchy begins to walk through the curtains... when a HUGE figure stampes from behind, with a shovel in hand, and brings the hard metal head down over the back of Anarchy's skull. THE Mac Bry walks through the curtains wearing a referee's shirt... and holding a microphone.]
TMB: It seems as if Anarchy has run into a bit of a... problem. So while he sorts this out, I'll handle the officiating for this title match. Until Anarchy can get his act together and manage to make it down to the ring, it will be a one on one contest between Nickey and Xtrmkor. So boys... KICK EACHOTHER'S ASS! RING THE DAMN BELL!
[Mac signals for the bell to be rung, and after it is, Nickey Mowse and the leader of the jobPac, Xtrmkor, tear into one another. Mac slowly makes his way down the ramp, all the while the hulking figure lays waste to Anarchy.]
BBQ: This is insane! This is crazy! This... this...
MK: This! Is! Anarchy! ... Hahaha, sorry, just had to.
Poor kid... not like I really care or anything, but the script says "emote sympathy for victim of attack". Otherwise I couldn't give less of a shit...BBQ: Meanwhile, in the ring, Nickey Mowse and Xtrmkor are goin' at it like a couple ah hardcore hogs...
MK: What does that even MEAN?!
[Nickey irish whips Xtrmkor into the ropes, and on the rebound, Xtrmkor is tossed overhead with a back body drop. Xtrm slams harshly on the canvas spine first. Nickey ascends to the top turnbuckle... here comes the special guest ref, THE Mac Bry... who shoves Nickey to the outside! Nickey drops jaw first onto the barricade and is out cold!!! What in the hell...]
BBQ: What is our cotton-pickin' Chairman doin' bah gawd?!
MK: Whatever he feels like doing, that's what! Don't question him, he's the boss applesauce!
[Mac calls for the bulky figure on stage to do something... the behemoth drags Anarchy down the ramp by the wrist, the Rexus member on his back the whole way... The big man lifts up Anarchy, and shoves him into the ring underneath the bottom rope... Mac pulls Anarchy onto the prone body of Xtrmkor... and drops down quickly to make the fast count... one, two, three, and Anarchy is the Applecore champ!]
BBQ: Now what in tarnation was the meaning of all this? Why did Mac go through all this trouble to make Anarchy the champeen? I'd say he's in the corner of the kid, but... after what he had that monster of a man do to the sorry sum-bitch? I highly doubt it...
MK: Well, Mac has a microphone once again, so maybe he'll explain...
TMB: Ladies and gents... allow me to introuduce you ALL... to End Game. My monstrous personal security guard, whose purpose here is to make sure nobody lays a finger on me. And for his service, I've paved the way for him to capture his first piece of championship gold.
TMB: Namely? The Applecore Title. And thanks to the 24/7 rule... that will be all too easy. End Game... come in here and reap your reward for having my back!
BBQ: This is proposterous! Our Chairman is taking advantage of the 24/7 rule to BRIBE End Game into being his body guard! He never wanted Anarchy as champion, he just wanted to make the champion easy pickin's for when he was ready to unleash this mammoth of a man!
MK: Hey... like I said. He's the boss, and you're not. And what Mac says? Goes. Simple as.
BBQ: And like I said? You're a massive tool. ... Bah gawdess.
[End Game rolls into the ring, and right into pinning the still nearly unconcious Anarchy. Mac performs the quickest fast count in WSE history, and beaming with pride, he hands the Applecore title over to his "chosen one", End Game. The big man has a hulking physique, with no shirt, showing off his multiple tattoos. Half of his face is covered by a tribal tat... he wears a spiked collar around his throat, spiked bands around his wrists, a pair of tight leather pants with a chained belt and skull buckle... and no shoes. Both his finger AND toe nails are painted black, his lips are glossed in black, and his hair is short, black, and his bangs hang freely over his eyes... which are both hidden behind pure white contacts. His face is emotionless... almost as if he were a cyborg.]
[E.G. raises the belt in one hand, as Mac Bry lifts his other in celebration.]
BBQ: Well who on Earth is going to be able to stop that... THING, End Game?!
MK: I have no idea, but my money's on nobody... Sports fans, here's a hype package detailing the many epic adventures of Captain Crap that never happened.
[The Brown Power Ranger logo is displayed... followed by the logo for SuperGuyManDudePerson. These two logos appear side by side, before colliding with eachother, and the logo for 'Captain Crap' is displayed... we find the many non-existant quests ventured by this hero, forged by two fallen warriors. Born Jack Franklin in the small suburb of Tootie Frootie, Idaho, he fled to the planet Krazy-a-ton to escape the oppresion of his parents. You see, they didn't allow him to watch the Super Friends due to its violent content, and due to them being strict Christians who didn't believe in such things [and you think YOUR parents are strict, sheesh...]. Jack changed his name to Clark Wayne, and underwent a process by which he had a spider bite him that was filled with radioactive juices. But, not knowing that radioactive spiders really don't give super powers, believing that all comic books are real [They're works of FICTION? You don't say!] Jippy was STILL a complete and total loser. Only now he had a bad rash. And he smelled like ass. Not that he didn't smell that way BEFORE the spider bite, just thought I'd throw that in there.]
[So, he moved back to Earth to find a place he could fit in... He spent a long, long time in Ocean Valley Harbor Ridge Beach Bay Citytropolis. There, Clark Wayne found his home under attack quite often by giant monsters, known as the Meninsuits. Wayne knew it was up to him to finally take on his role as super hero... and though he didn't have powers, he DID have his trusty Big Bad Walking Robo Turd! He vowed to take out the Meninsuits, in 30 minute weekly episodes. But, when his show was cancelled, he took his trusty Robo Turd, and headed to the only place crappier than he himself... By day, Clark Wayne works as a grocery boy for a dollar store in Citytropolis. By night, Captain Crap wrestles in cheap tights and a crappy cape!!! ... Which alter ego is "better", I have no idea. But what I do know is that I LOVE copy and paste. It makes putting together stupid filler segments like these SOOO much easier...
][Captain Crap : Coming soon to WSE Nitro! ... And a theatre near Pakistan!!!
]BBQ: ... What was the point of that?
MK: Hell if I know. Anyscrew, the following contest is a tag team tables, ladders and chairs gauntlet match for the 4-play titles. Fifteen teams, with two in the ring at any one time. Two teams begin, and once any member of either team is pinned or made to submit, that team is eliminated, and is replaced by the next. The final two teams will do battle to see who can climb a ladder and retrieve the tag straps hanging over the ring.
BBQ: VERY SIMPLE!
MK: Yup. Here's Howard Fecal to introduce the first two teams.
Howard Fecal: The following contest will determine the new WSE Four-Play Tag Team Champions of the World! It is the first EVER Tag Team Tables, Ladders and Chairs Gauntlet Match! Introducing first, representing the Rexus and led to the ring by Rex Winters, they are Hyped Fairy Daddy and the Mad Hatter... THE REXUS!
["One" by Metallica pounds through the speakers, and HFD & Hatter walk through the curtains, flanked by Rex Winters... who holds, as always, an issue of PentHouse magazine. Rex leads HFD and Hatter to the ring, before taking to the commentary desk. Rex pulls on a pair of headphones, and as HFD & Hatter step into the ring preparing for their match, Rex greets Boom Boom and Kohl.]
Rex: Hey there tubby and tool, how are the two of you mooks?
MK: Hey, how rude!
BBQ: Though I'd hafta says he's quite right about you... ya dad gum tool.
MK: Well I wouldn't say he missed the mark about you, you tub of lard!
Rex: Alright you two jackasses, I didn't come here to hear the two of you lovers have a quarrel, I came here to promote my team, as well as plug my fave porn mag., PentHouse!
MK: Why don't you let us all know what's going on in the latest issue you have there, Rex?
Rex: Well, as everyone knows, our Chairman Mac Bry's birthday is a world-wide holiday. And if you didn't know that, what are you, a friggin' moron? Either way, this month's PentHouse is devoted to Mac's favorite past time ; VIDEO GAMES! And so they have Princess Zelda eating Princess Peach's royal carpet, if ya catch my drift! They have Samus Aran, aka Metroid, in a three-way with Master Chief and Lara Croft... and perhaps my favorite, WSE StupidStars Major Mario and Lieutenant Luigi double-teaming Misty from Poke'Mon!
BBQ: BAH GAWD ON A BISQUIK!
MK: Speaking of Team 2D, I just received word that your men's opponents are now on their way to the ring...
Howard Fecal: Hailing from the Mushroom Kingdom Marines, they are THE most famous brotherly duo in gaming history... Major Mario... Lieutenant Luigi... TEAM TWO-DEEEE!!!
Howard Fecal: The Rexus has been eliminated!
[HFD & Hatter roll out of the ring, and "The Dope Show" by Marilyn Manson hits.]
Howard Fecal: Led to the ring by Paul E. Beariously, representing Extreme Chumps'N'shit Wrasslin' [ECWCWWF]... 'The Man Yeast' hYpo, and hailing from Iraqistan, Afghanistania ; "The Homicidal, Suicidal, Wedding Bridal, Wavey Tidal, Nature Guide-al, American Idol... Terrorist-in-Training", Yahu!
[hYpo and Yahu both emerge from the back, brandishing steel chairs. They rush down the ramp and slide into the ring, but before they can even stand, Mario and Luigi lay in the boots. Paul E. Beariously screams obscenities from outside the ring, but it does no good as the Mario Brotherz pin both "hardcore" StupidStars without letting either man get to their feet. Mario and Luigi shove the ECWCWWF members out of the ring with their boots, and Paul E. helps his boys to the back...]
BBQ: That was perhaps THE worst showin' I've ever seen in one ah these here gauntlet thing-a-mah-jigs!
MK: That's the second elimination for Team 2D. They're looking to blast through the competition and defy the odds, claiming those 4-play titles despite being one of the very first two teams out here!
Howard Fecal: I have just received word from Chairman Mac Bry that for the remainder of this match, four teams will duke it out at once, with a team replacing each one eliminated. When we reach the final four, the ladders will come out, and the titles will be contested for! The first of three opponents for Team 2D ;
Speakers: So... you think you can tell us what tah wear?
You think you can tell us how loud tah play our kazoos?
Ya think you've got a cute knit sweater?
Well yah bettah get ready...
... TAH EAT A HAM SAMMICH~!!1one
Howard Fecal: Hailing from the Shady Pines Retirement Home... representing dEvolution-X... they are Super Sized Schnozz and The HeadAche KIDDD!!!
["Smells Like Nirvana" by Weird Al Yankovic hits on the speakers, and Triple S comes through the curtains, pushing "The HeadAche Kid" Ron Mitchells in a shopping cart. Trips shoves the shopping cart down the ramp, sending it and Ron careening down the aisle and CRASHing into the side of the ring. Trips rushes down to the ring as fast as his big fat nose can take him... He checks on Ron, making sure the shopping cart isn't hurt... yes, the cart. Can't damage it, it cost him a whole dollar at the flea market! SSS and HAK roll into the ring under the bottom rope, and take to two opposite turnbuckles, raising their fists, taking in the cheers and laughs of the crowd, loving these two happy go-lucky goofballs. The team of dEvolution-X stand down from the turnbuckle, and high-five one another.]
Howard Fecal: Next, hailing from Frogish, France... FiFi and Pierre ; La French Fries!
["The Stinky Cheese Ballad in E Minor" by Pepe LePew plays, and the duo walk out, Pierre waving a large French flag proudly in the air. The audience shower their distaste for the two down upon La French Fries, as the two men make their trek to the ring. Pierre stands the French flag up on the corner turnbuckle... Once the French team are both inside, Howard Fecal gives the last intro.]
Howard Fecal: And finally...
Speakers: YO, YO, YO, YO, YO! LEMME SPIT ON DIS!
["Street Wise" by Big Dick Johnson hits, and the crowd show their love for the next team...]
Howard Fecal: Hailing from daStreetz, and accompanied to the ring by Million Dollah Mills... "The World's Sexiest Chocolate Man" JJ Mynuz, and DJ Dizk Jawkey... The 200 7!V3 kreW~!!1one
MK: Ya know what, that's way too damn complicated to spell out, we had to actually copy and paste that crap. From now on these guys are the J2 Krew, agreed?
BBQ: Agreed.
[Both JJ and DJ hold microphones, as they rap to the beat of "Street Wise" all the way to the ring.]
JJ: YO, we da J2 Krew, and we be comin' right at'cha!
DJ: Ya best watch ya back or the Krew gon' jack ya!
JJ: Yo, you think you've had it rough, you think that your tough?
Well, ya little punk, we gonna prove that ain't enough!
DJ: We the baddest thing since that Disney named Walt.
And unlike Gene Snitsky? heck yeah it's our fault!
JJ: Yo, we da J2 Krew, and we be bad to tha bone!
And the mean streetz is where we call our home.
DJ: If ya step up tah us? We gonna knock ya back down
We gonna kick ya in butt, before we rock this town!
JJ: We Stree!
DJ: We Wise!
JJ: We the men you despise!
DJ: We gonna take ya apart, cut ya back down to size!
JJ: We the ONLY world order, ain't noone that compares.
We got style, strength, power, flash, agression and flair!
DJ: Ya wanna play with us? Ya best stick to ya toys.
We the thuggin', buggin' men that be r-r-rockin' this noise.
JJ: I said it once before, and Ima say it again -
We gonna keep it street wise till da very end, YA HEARD?
[The Krew make it to the ring, and while Team 2D, La French Fries and dEvolution-X taunt them to come in, the J2 Krew continue to rap on the outside...]
DJ: The Krew been rockin' every day and all night,
We prepared for a war, and we prepared for a fight.
JJ: So if ya wanna take us on, we'll be ready tah rumble!
Cuz the city we rule? It's our own type of jungle!
DJ: We take no prisoners, got our guns at the ready,
You mess wit' da Krew, we'll chop ya up like spaghetti!
JJ: I tell ya that's no lie, and it ain't no joke...
Mess wit' da Krew?
Get prepared to be smoked. Cue Chorus...
DJ: We be spendin' all our lives in a world where a sucka gotsta be street wise!
We be spendin' all our lives in a world where a sucka gotsta be street wise!
Million Dollah Mills: NUMBAH ONE IN DA HOOD, G!
Major Mario: MAMA MIA, get in the damn ring ya meatball-brained mooks!!!
Mills: Kick their asses, dawgs!
JJ: We on it, homie!
DJ: LE'S DO DIS, BITCHEZ!!!
[DJ & JJ drop their microphones, before sliding into the ring... but Mario and Luigi return to the same tactic they used to defeat hYpo and Yahu of ECWCWWF, as the Brotherz immediately lay in the boots to the rap masters before they have a chance to stand. The Bros. stomp the Krew like a couple of koopa shells, before pinning them for the three count.]
BBQ: Bah gawdess, the dad-blasted J2 Krew spent more time rhymin' than they did wrasslin'!
MK: And now Howard Fecal is back on the stick, ready to introduce their replacements!
[As SSS & HAK battle with La French Fries, Team 2D play a wirseless game on their Nerdtendo LameBoy 3DSi handheld portable video game contraptions. Probably playing with themselves.]
[... I mean a game of Mario Bros. Not... nevermind.
Take it away, Howie.]Howard Fecal: Next up on the chopping block... hailing from Little Italy, Louisiana... "The Midget Mafioso", Lil' Nunzio... "The Italian Stallion", Tony Spaghetti... they are the IN-BRED ITALIANS!
["On Top of Spaghetti" by Nirvana plays, and the boys from Little Italy walk out through the curtains to a mild, mixed reaction. Nunzio and Spaghetti walk down to the ring, and knowing the Mario Brotherz method of eliminating the last few teams, they decide not to slide into the ring under the bottom rope, lest they be stomped and pinned. Instead, they both make their way up the ring steps, and walk in through the ropes. SSS and HAK try to lay in the fists and feet, but the mobsters from Little Italy, Louisiana easily overturn the attack, sending both men to the mat. Tony and Lil' Nunzio make the dual cover, and pick up the three count, eliminating dEvolution-X.]
MK: Triple S & the HeadAche Kid may as well be renamed 'D-Jobberation X' after that showing...
BBQ: Fecal is back on the stick, introducin' the next darn-flabbed opponents!
Howard Fecal: Hailing from the Sunny Side of the Dark Side, they are Dean & Frank ~ Goode Copp, Badd Copp!
["Bad Boys" by Inner Circle hits, and the crowd lets out a mixed reaction... half cheering for Dean Goode Copp, the other half booing loudly against Frank Badd Copp. Dean and Frank roll through the curtains on their police choppers, striding quickly down the ramp on the bikes. They park their vehicles outside the ring, before entering the squard-circle. Both men begin fighting Team 2D, while La French Fries and the In-Bred Italians do battle.]
MK: It's a ring war between Italy and France!
BBQ: Just talkin' 'bout it makes me hungry fer spaghetti, pizza
[Tony Spaghetti tosses FiFi into a corner, before rushing in with a MASSIVE body splash, sending the much smaller French man crumbling to the canvas. Tony goes for the pin, but Pierre manages to break up the count. Pierre lays in the boots, before FiFi makes it to his feet and joins in, turning it into a two on one mudhole stomping.]
BBQ: Them dar Frenchies is ah-walkin' a mudhole and stompin' it dry!
MK: ... I think you got that backwards, Boom Boom.
BBQ: Shut yer fly hole, ding-bat!
MK: ... Meanwhile, the Copps are contending with the two men who've lasted the longest in this gauntlet, far exceeding any other team. But can the Brotherz make it to the final four ladder match?
[Frank Badd Copp stands facing Lieutenant Luigi in a corner, chopping away at the plumber's suspender-laden chest. Frank winds up, before slamming into Luigi with a bone-rattling clothesline. Luigi drops on his ass, before Frank pulls the plumber out of the corner and goes for the pin... one... two... thr-no, Mario makes the save! But just as he does, Dean Goode Copp spins Mario around and takes a leap, leveling Major Mario with a hurricanrana, sending Mario rolling out of the ring. But when the Copps turn their attention back to Luigi... he's nowhere to be found... On the other side of the ring, Lil' Nunzio has come to the aid of his partner Tony, evening up the sides. Nunzio and Tony trade rights and lefts with FiFi and Pierre. Frank Badd Copp comes up from behind FiFi, slaps on a pair of handcuffs, and shoves the French man into Tony, who simply crushes the poor guy with a sidewalk slam, followed up by a cover. Pierre tries to make the save, but Lil' Nunzio drops him with a neckbreaker, allowing Tony to pick up the three, eliminating La French Fries.]
[As La French Fries head back to the lockerroom, Howard Fecal makes the next introduction.]
Howard Fecal: Next to have their asses handed to them... their team calls 'Jobberton, U.S.A.' its headquarters, so you can see where this one's headed... from GraceLand, he is World Sports Entertainment's resident Elvis impersonator ; The KING!... and his tag team partner... his hometown is Top Secret... WSE's resident special agent ; Double... Oh... ZEROOO!!! They are ; The jobPac~!!1one
[A wolf howl is heard emitting from the speakers, before "Never Say Never" by Justin Bieber hits, and out walks King & 000. The team walk down the aisle, high-fiving the fans... they slide into the ring...
... before being soundly stomped by the In-Bred Italians and pinned for the elimination. The jobPac then rolls out of the ring and walks back up the aisle, high-fiving the fans before heading backstage.]
MK: Damn... you'd REALLY think the guys in this gauntlet would learn their lesson about entering the ring by sliding under the bottom rope by now... but nooo, we're still seeing dipwads stomped and pinned within a matter of seconds. Such nerds...
BBQ: Alls I gotsta say is ; slather 'em with barbee-cue saush, them meatheads is COOKED!
[Suddenly, the lights dim... and the sound of a kitchen timer buzzing is heard.]
Speakers: Bread Man Walkin'...
["Push It" by Salt 'N' Peppah plays, and the UnderBaker's minions Salt and Pepper emerge from the back, both wearing dark black cloaks.]
Howard Fecal: Hailing from Bread Valley... they are Salt & Pepper ; The Bakery... of DARKNESS!
[The lights go out and completely just as Salt and Pepper begin to make their way down the ramp... after a moment or two, the lights return, and instead of being on the ramp, S&P are standing in the center of the ring, clobbering both the I.B.I. and Goode Copp, Badd Copp. Salt tosses Dean Goode Copp over the top rope, and Pepper does likewise with Lil' Nunzio on the opposite side of the ring. Tony Spaghetti rushes after Pepper to take up for his partner, and Frank Badd Copp has the same intentions toward Salt... but both men are captured by the throat simultaneously by the UnderBaker's disciples. Both Frank and Tony are hoisted high into the air... before being slammed to the mat by Salt & Pepper.]
BBQ: DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! DOUBLE CHOKESLAM! Bah gawdess, double chokeslam from the fiery pits ah HELL!
MK: And this one's gotta be over for both of those two teams! Salt & Pepper go for the combo pins... and they get them!
BBQ: And them two big boys lift up the Cop and the Pisano, before tossin' 'em up and over the darn-fangled top rope... right onto their respective tag team pardners!
MK: Both Goode Copp, Badd Copp AND the In-Bred Italians have been eliminated! But wait a minute... HERE COME TEAM 2D! They were hiding the whole time!
BBQ: And Luigi's got dat galled-darn-blasted Koopa Shell! Anythin' goes in these types ah matches! I know we never said anythin' about that, but this seems like a convenient enough time!
[The Lieutenant blasts Salt in the back of the head, sending him rolling out of the ring, while Major Mario hooks Pepper by the shoulders... He then flings Pepper rocketing into the corner back-first, causing him to the drop down on his rear. Luigi holds the Koopa Shell in front of Pepper... before his Bro. races in, soars into the air, and sends the shell SMASHING back into Pepper's face with a lethal dropkick! Mario then pulls Pepper to his feet by the wrist, irish-whips him toward Luigi, who finishes things off with an enziguri to Pepper's head. BOTH Brotherz go for a pile-up pin, and the ref reaches the three... eliminating Salt & Pepper!]
MK: That's three more teams out of the running, and one more fallen at the hands of the Mario Brotherz! These two are quickly racking up eliminations, despite being in there from the very beginning!
BBQ: Can they go... all... the... WAY?!
Howard Fecal: Introducing the next three teams in the 4-play Tag Team Title Tables, Ladders and Chairs Gauntlet... First, hailing from Tijuana, Japan... El Taco & Jippy Jam the Japanese Jughead, accompanied to the ring by 'Senor Sensei' Yosho-Yamaha Jose-Fernando DelTakafanakasazukajiri, the 3rd... they ARE ; Beaner Sushi!
MK: Seriously narrator, how many times do these jerks need to watch the monitor backstage to know NOT to enter the ring that way in this match?!
BBQ: Needless tah say, Team 2D immediately lay in the boots to them there skulls, and go for the pin. And they bah gawdess git 'r' did before the other two teams even make their entrances!
MK: Mario and Luigi pick up Taco and Jippy, before heaving them over the top rope and right on top of their 'Sensei', Yosho-Yama Jose-whateverthefuckhisnameis. Lots of jobbers on this roster... that must be what Chairman Mac Bry meant by cleaning up the Never-Will-Be's and forcing them all the way down the ladder to the position of clean-up crew. After WrestleNymphoMania... expect lots of changes, sports fans...
BBQ: But right now, Howie Fecal's gonna call out three fresh new teams to the slaughter! Soooiieee, here piggy, piggy, piggy...
Howard Fecal: Hailing from Fuddleyville...
[At this, the crowd roars their approval. They know who's next, and they've been waiting throughout this match for this possible encounter...]
MK: A team that's just as thick in blood with one another as Team 2D. Some may even say both of these teams share the same influence...
BBQ: They're both bah gawdess rip-offs of them damn Dudley Boyz. Even I know that, and I'm a retarded redneck!
MK: ...
Howard Fecal: Blubba-Butt and Hee-Haw... THE FUDDLEY FAMILLLYYY!!!
["Kill Da Wabbit" by Fuddtallica bleeds through the speakers, and the fans shower the emerging Blubba-Butt and Hee-Haw with cheers. The Fuddz run down the ramp... and slide into the ring?! Don't tell me they're dumb enough to fall for the same damn trap?!]
MK: Well... I wouldn't quite put it past them. They may not be the In-Bred Italians, but the Fuddley Family tree pretty much runs in a straight vertical line...
BBQ: But what's this?! BB&HH are takin' da stomps to the skulls... they're fightin' through 'em! They're reachin' their danged ol' feet, and now the two teams of blood brotherz are dukin' it out! NOW THIS IS WHAT WRESTLENYMPHOMANIA IS ALL ABOUT! Bah Gawdess, THIS is a WrestleNymphoMania moment! We're finally seein' the fire in this place that we once saw at WrestleNymphoMania 69! The flame is re-lit, and WSE is back in business here at the Grand Pappy of 'em all! WHO SAID MIRACLES DON'T EXIST?!
MK: ... Uh, Boom Boom?
BBQ: They said WSE was dead and buried! They said it was all over with! They said World Sports Entertainment had seen its best days and it was on its death bed! They said it was breathin' it's last breath!
MK: BOOM BOOM!!!
BBQ: What?!
MK: Team 2D just finished pinning the Fuddleyz. Mario chucked Hee-Haw over the top rope, and then dropped Blubba-Butt over Luigi's knee with a MASSIVE two man atomic drop... the Fuddleyz' own move, called the 1-D.
BBQ: ... They beat them idjits with their own dall-garned move? Really? ... Really?
MK: Yes, Miz, really.
BBQ: I AIN'T NO MIZ!
MK: Then stop ripping off his lines... nerd.
BBQ: Stop bein' a bigger tool than Michael Cole.
MK: You'd think with how big of a douchebag that guy is it would be easy, but oddly enough no...
BBQ: WAIT A MINUTE! AGAIN! The Arbyz Boyz have already entered the ring, making their way through the audience! They've slid in the ring, only from BEHIND Team 2D!
MK: They're standing behind Mario & Luigi, who are both awaiting Howard Fecal's introduction...
Howard Fecal: Hailing from the Fast Food Nation... Mickie D. & Carl Jr. ... TEAM PIZZA SUPREME, aka, The ARBYZ BOYZZZ!
["Trapped in the Drive-Thru" by Weird Al Yankovic hits, and through the curtains walks... Wendy, a red-headed big gal who looks like a heavy-set Lita.]
BBQ: She looks like mah kinda woman, I tell ya what!
MK: Cool your jets, fat stuff...
BBQ: But Team 2D ain't got no idea ah what in tarnations goin' on here! They stare down Wendy, not knowin' their opponents are ah-standin' right behind 'em!
[Mickie and Carl tap Mario and Luigi on their shoulders... which works to a tee, as the Bros. slowly turn around... right into TWO clotheslines, sending the both of them up and over and to the outside. Mickie and Carl look at eachother, and smile...]
BBQ: What could they be thinkin' here?! Those two boys is crazier than a pet coon covered in barbee-cue shaush!
MK: Do you cover EVERYTHING in barbecue-saush? I mean SAUCE...
BBQ: Pretty much.
MK: Figures...
[Mickie D. and Carl Jr. run toward the set of ropes opposite where they've dropped the Marioz... they spring off, rush toward the side of the ring where Team 2D has been deposited, before catapulting themselves OVER the top rope, and even with their girth, the two flabby fellas fly like torpedoes into Mario and Luigi, who were both slowly standing back up...]
BBQ: I have somethin' in common with those two... I've got a bit of a gut.
MK: A bit?
BBQ: But what I don't have in common with 'em? Is there ain't NO CHANCE in hades I'd EVER be able to pull off a maneuvre like that right there! How d'ya learn to fly over a top rope when ya got an ass the size of a small S.U.V?!
MK: Could've done without that comparison... DON'T need to think about any of you guys' asses, thank you very much.
BBQ: But regardless, The Arbyz Boyz have flattened Team 2D... and Howard Fecal is prepared to deliver the next intro!
Howard Fecal: Next, hailing from Washington, D.C., he is the American Patriot and long-time WSE StupidStar, Redd W. Bloo... and his partner, hailing from Teh Interwebz, Alberta, Canada, he is WSE's official "l33t hax0r" extraordinairre... creator of the X-Station Wii60, Maxwell GATES... Together? They are... TEAM... Ameri-CANADAAA!!!
["I'm Proud to be AmeriCanadian" by Green Day and Ham plays, and Bloo & Gates come out, Bloo waving the American flag., Gates waving the Canadian flag, both receiving jeers from the sold-out Hell Hole arena in DisneyWorldLand. Bloo & Gates begin to walk down the ramp, as their theme song slowly fades and Howard Fecal makes the fifteenth and final introduction of the gauntlet.]
Howard Fecal: And finally... once this team enters the fray, all four teams will compete to see who can remove the tag titles from the cable above the ring, and claim the right to be called 4-play tag champs! Hailing from right here in Nowhere, Oklahoma, representing the Hierarchy -
["Save Us" by Mushroomhead hits...
... before the lights cut out completely.]
MK: Not another entrance involving the lights going out... don't we have enough of these in this Industry?
BBQ: Kohl, I've just received word... this ain't no entrance. Apparently we're havin' technical difficulties...
MK: Not now! Not at the very end of this long and pain-staking match! IT WAS A CHORE JUST SITTING HERE AND WATCHING THE DAMNED THING, there's no way I sat through all of that just to end up in darkness!
BBQ: Well, sorry Mitchell, but -
Speakers: SHUT UP! Both of you! Boom Boom, Kohl... I've had enough of your babbling for one night. Just sit back and WITNESS... the end of the beginning!
MK: I think -
Speakers: I SAID SHUT IT! I don't pay you to think! I pay you to read MY scripts... and right now? I order you to read NOTHING! Techie... cue the lights.
[At this command, the lights return... and on the outside of the ring, the Arbyz and Team 2D are BOTH beaten, battered, and bruised from head to toe, all four men lying in a giant pool of blood, unconcious and piled ontop of one another... far worse off now than they were after the bump the Arbyz took onto the Mario Bros. And in the middle of the ring... Redd W. Bloo and Max Gates are flatlined, broken black baseball bats lying beside their heads. And standing upon a ladder... holding the 4-play titles... are Axl VanHalen, and "The Show", Reeve Gordon... collectively known as the Hierarchy.]
BBQ: What the HELL just went down here?!
MK: Isn't it obvious? Those two brave competitors, Axl and Reeve, just toughed it out through this contest to score the 4-play titles! They're AWESOME!!!
BBQ: Calm down, Miz...
MK: SHUT YOUR FAT PIE HOLE, dough boy!
BBQ:
[THE Mac Bry is shown on the Not-The-Titan-Tron, which from now on will be referred to as THE Big Screen. Beside the commentary table there stands Howard Fecal with his microphone, and standing beside him... is Vince RUSSO?! What on EARTH is he doing here? So many questions... Russo whispers into Fecal's ear... who then lifts the mic to his mouth.]
Fecal: Ladies and gentlemen... I have just been informed by the newly instated Commisioner of WSE, Vince Russo -
BBQ: OH dear lord...
MK: YES! Score! Things are changing already!
BBQ: Not fer the better, unfortunately...
Fecal: - that your new 4-Play Tag Team Champions... are Axl VanHalen and Reeve Gordon... aka -
TMB [from THE B.S.] : THE Mac's World Order!!! Yes, that's right bitchez, THE Order is BACK... and this time? We're truly taking over. THE mWo is the very catalyst I've chosen to lead this company into its new era, and out of the dark ages!
[From the curtains walk the Applecore Champ, End Game... as well as Axl & Reeve's fellow, now FORMER Hierarchy member, Steve Roydz... as well as three men known as "Barely Good" Hack Hokum, "Big Scratchy" Kevin Rash, and "The Fat Guy" Bing O. Hall... and two men who look suspicously like Vince and Shane McMahon...]
TMB: We took control of the Applecore title... we now have the 4-play titles... and in the main event of MY spectacle, here at the grandest stage of 'em all... we WILL have the World Sports Entertainment Heavyweight Title of the WORLD! And yes I know that's a bit redundant, saying 'world' twice, but PAY ATTENTION... I have re-hired Vincent Kennedy Russo to be my PERSONAL Commish... and the two men standing here on stage are very close to my heart... For you see, they are the two men who helped me bring back WSE after that BASTARD Jack Hoff had my special guest GM at Holiday Havoc sign the company over to "The Hoff-ster" just so that fat sack of shit could shut it down. He had NO right... absolutely NO right. He may have created this company... but I kept it running when he COULDN'T. And after tonight? EVERYTHING... will be changed. I took the stable I formed, The Industry, and with Mr. Russo, combined it with iMMORAL... to form a new, FAR more powerful mWo than has ever been seen before.
TMB: The two men you see standing amid the others... are none-other than Jack Hoff's very own brother, Vince McHunt, and Vince's son, Jack's own NEPHEW, Shane. When Jack bought WSE, and before he finished going through the process of attempting to turn it into nothing more than a greeting card manufacturing company... I'll never understand that... these two tricked the poor sucker into signing two-thirds of the company over to them. And because of that? They were able to overturn Jack's bid to transform MY creation into nothing more than a dopey Hallmark Card knock-off! WSE is my baby... and because of men like Vince, Shane, and Commisioner Russo? It ALWAYS will be!!! With these seven supreme StupidStars, and the combined powers of THREE geniuses of this Industry?
TMB: THE Mac's World Order will be... unstoppable. End transmission...
[As THE Big Screen, which will now be referred to as THE Tron for some unfathomable reason... as "THE Tron" cuts off, our camera switches to Mac's office... where interviewer Mike Stand has just entered the room...]
Mike: Mr. Bry... I just have one question.
TMB: Make it quick, simpleton.
Mike: Weren't Axl and Reeve the two men who helped Jack Hoff pound you down at the end of Holiday Havoc? We have a clip...
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
["Crazy Train" hits, and Ozzy Osbourne emerges from the curtains, flanked by "The Ultimate Fighting Chickenshit" Gruel Renshaw. Ozzy sends down the MMA loser, who is soundly defeated in a minute flat. Gruel is tossed over the top rope... but when THE Mac Bry looks back at the stage, Ozzy is nowhere to be seen! The "Family Matters" theme song plays over the sound system, and Steven Q. Urkle mosies on down... Mac is prepared... but from behind, Ozzy nails him with an uppercut to the nuts!]
Mitchell Kohl: VINTAGE LOWBLOW!
BBQ: MMMmm, NUTS!
[Speaking of which... "Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire" by the Wu-Tang Clan strikes the speakers, and it's SANTA CLAUSE! Santa runs down the ramp as fast as his stubby little legs can carry his fat frame. Santa waddles into the ring carrying a hefty bag of toys. No... literally, a 'Hefty' brand trash bag which is filled with toys I can only presume... Ozzy and Urkle lift THE Mac up after that hellacious uppernut... and Santa SLAMS the trash bag-o-toys into $hane's face, sending him crashing back down to the canvas!]
Mitchell Kohl: VINTAGE SANTA CLAUSE!!!
BBQ:VINTAGE *BUUUUURRRPPPP!!!*
Mitchell Kohl: Hey, get yer own lines, ya NERD!
BBQ: ... THIS IS ONE HELLUVA TUNA BAKER, FOLKS!!!
Mitchell Kohl: ... Better.
[Santa empties the trash bag onto the mat...]
Mitchell Kohl: Those aren't toys at all! They're shards of broken glass!
BBQ: MMMmmmmmm... SHARDS OF BROKEN GLASS!!!
Mitchell Kohl: ...
[Urkle lays in a few stomps to Mac... before a sick smile spreads across his face.]
Steven Q. Urkle: ... Did IIIiii dooo thaaat?! *snort, snort*
[Urkle then rips Mac from off the mat, and he and Ozzy irish whip Mac into the ropes...
... and on the rebound, Santa lifts him up... and DRIVES Mac Bry into the glass with the Double A SpineBuster!!!]
[Santa goes for the pin... and picks up the one... the two... and three-NO! Mac kicked out-NO! I'm just foolin' w/ya, Mac lost. ^_^ ]
Mitchell Kohl: I can't Believe it ladies and gentlemen! THE Mac Bry actually LOST! I could've sworn he'd use his stroke to put himself over Chris Cringle...
BBQ: MMMMMMMMmmmmmm, KAYFAAAABE!
Mitchell Kohl: Well, for Good ol' Boom Boom Quaker, this is Mitchell "Vintage" Kohl saying -
[ - Suddenly, Santa, Urkle and Ozzy begin laying a huge beatdown on Mac Bry... before Ozzy & Urkle reveal themselves to be Axl VanHalen & Reeve Gordon respectively... Santa lifts up THE Mac, tosses him over the top and to the outside. "Santa" rips off his beard and hat... revealing none other than former Chairman of World Sports Entertainment, Jack Hoff. Jack grabs a microphone... staring down at the heap of Mac Bry on the outside.]
Jack Hoff: $hane...I made a deal with your appointed Guest Host of the night, Benjamin Tyrell Ryan-sc00ter... and you wanna know WHY this match was called a "Christmas Gift" gauntlet? ... It's cuz my gift to you... free of charge... is to now be on the very same list of companies you've either taken-over or destroyed... For the past decade, ever since you started in this business, you've USED men just like Axl and Reeve here... Federation after federation, company after company... You've used people to grab the gold... to claim the power... and to lay waste to the rest. Well, $hane? NO MORE... Your time has come, Mac Bry. Welcome... to the list.
Jack Hoff: Thanks to Mr. Ryan-sc00ter & myself, WSE is now OFFICIALLY dead...
JH: ... Merry Fuckin' Christmas, bitchez.
["Kill Tomorrow" by Mushroomhead strikes up, as Jack Hoff, Axl VanHalen, and Reeve Gordon celebrate the demise of World Sports Entertainment, center of the ring.]
[...outside the ring, THE Mac slowly awakens... staring up at the three men who have, after three years, driven the nail into the coffin of his creation.]
[... $hane silently murmurs to himself...]
$hane: ...this is only... the end...
... of the beginning... bPrepared...
|cut|
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
[Camera returns to the Hell Hole, present time, where Mike awaits Mac's response...]
Mac: It's simple, Mikey. When I awoke, looking up at those three figures, I realized something... "Axl & Reeve" were wearing masks. That's right, masks UNDER the two "Urkle & Ozzy" masks. The Truth? Is that when I confronted those two after Jack had left, I REMOVED those second masks... only to find out that they actually WERE Urkle and Ozzy. They easily spilled the beans ; Jack shoved those masks on those two has-been celebs to de-rail my train of thought. He wanted me to THINK that Axl & Reeve had betrayed me. The TRUTH? Is that Urkle & Ozzy were afraid. Of me... and of the wrath of World Sports Entertainment. I've had so many run-ins with the both of them since I began in this business ten years ago. I don't know WHAT it is, but they just can't help but stick their nose in my business when it involves a wrestling ring. It's a strange recipe... but tonight? I roast them. And this recipe of b-list celebs, sports entertainment, and yours truly? Is cooked to a crisp.
Mike: How exactly do you plan on handling things?
Mac: Mike... we've got a Thirty-Man Rumble. And two of those men? Will be the Ozz and the Urk. And when they've been THOROUGHLY obliterated in that match? They will never... EVER... want to cross my path again. And my good pal, Commisioner Russo, has taken the authority to place another, ahem, "competitor" into the mix... David Arquette. Why? Because he has deemed Arquette as the SOLE reason Vinny-Ru wasn't able to manage WCW's sound trouncing of WWF/E. He let me know that Arquette's claims of not really wanting to be Champion, and being such a "proud fan of the wrestling business"? That all of that was Davey-boy's little way of covering up the fact that, honestly, he just wanted to find SOME way to hold on to his fifteen minutes of fame. Why do you think he's always showing up at WWE events? It's sure as hell not because Arquette actually enjoys the show, I can tell ya that much!
Mike: Well, any other surprise entrants for the Rumble?
Mac: Well if I told you, they wouldn't be a surprise now would they?! I'm finished with you, get the hell out of my sight!
Mike: Thank you sir... here's to a stellar main event.
Mac: You damn well better Believe it...
[Mike Stand steps out of the room... leaving Mac alone in his office. Mac continues to stare ahead... as if making sure Mike is out of the area... before reaching into his pocket, and pulling out a cell-phone. He dials a number quickly, and lifts it to his ear.]
Mac: ... I just saw the clip again... you're right. I need to make damned sure the place is locked down... he might try something. It's my biggest event of the year, and what better time to crash my party... Vinny-Ru, I want you to have End Game, Hack, Hall, Rash, Roydz, Reeve AND Axl all standing by with the full security team and a police task force, all surrounding the arena. And I want you, Shane and Vince to man the front entrance from the inside, JUST in case. I can NOT have him screw this up. I have everything riding on our man walking away with the World Title, and if he even TRIES to pull off what we think he is on THIS night? Well, we may as well just say everything we've done tonight was for nought. Because quite frankly...
Mac: ... If he does what we THINK he's going to do? The only thing that will matter... is where we go from here. Take care of your end... I'll do my best to take care of mine.
[Mac looks up at the camera, before hurriedly dropping the cell on his desk, and running over to the camera, backing the cameraman out of the room, before slamming the office door... we cut out to a pre-taped segment...]
+ - - - - - +
LMNOP "Birth of a Legend" Segment By Jocelyn :
The scene opens up with Luscious Melancholy Nasdaq Oxford Porterhouse in a Basketball court shooting but can't get a basket after several attempts. Suddenly a man wearing a Toronto Raptors Jersey and red sweat pants comes out of the doors with a whistle around his neck. It's Ajax.
Ajax: Hello there Luscious.
Luscious: You're..Ajax. What are you doing in WSE?
Ajax: I'm your new mentor. I run my own wrestling company and I'm pretty much free to roam around. My cousin Rough works in WSE and I thought I'd stop by. I excelled in alot of sports back in my High School days and I'm here to help you with sports..and wrestling of course. Pass me the ball.
Luscious passes the ball to Ajax as Ajax makes a perfect 3 point shot.
Ajax: The key is to snap your wrist. Keep your eyes on the target. And just let it swish.
Ajax passes the ball to Luscious. Luscious misses and seems very disappointed that he missed.
Luscious: I'm sorry.
Ajax: It's ok. We all miss. Just try it again.
Again. Ajax passes the ball to Luscious. Luscious drains a 3 point shot and is estatic.
Luscious: I can't believe I did it. All my life I looked athletic and I still managed to fail gym class. I've always dreamed about being a sports star and maybe now I can be one thanks to you.
Ajax: We have alot of work to do my friend. But now come with me. You need to brush up on the most important part. Pro Wrestling. Come with me.
Luscious and Ajax walk out of the basketball court and into Ajax's SUV as the commercial break airs.
After the commercial break we see Ajax and Luscious in Ajax's basement in Moncton, New Brunswick. Both men are in Ajax's custom made ring while Ajax is going through the details.
Ajax: Alright we're gonna go through some basics. If you didn't memorize the basics I'll stiff you. Alrighty? GO!
Luscious runs at full speed into the ropes and executes a clean clothesline. Ajax gets back up only to be knocked back down with a shoulder block. Ajax quickly gets back on his feet and armdrags Luscious to the mat.
Ajax: Alright that was good. Thats exactly what I wanted to see. You've mastered the basics. Now its time to teach you the more advanced things.
Ajax brings in his trainee for Luscious.
Ajax: Every week you'll be learning a new move. This move is called the Powerbomb.
Ajax demonstrates the Powerbomb on his trainee and Luscious nods his head. The Trainee gets up and Luscious picks up the Trainee and brings him down for the Powerbomb.
Ajax: Excellent work Luscious. We'll pick up the training next time. By the time I'm done with you you'll be an All-Around athlete my friend.
Luscious: Thank you mister Ajax. I appreciate your help. Which reminds me, do you want to play a few games of Madden 12 on your big screen?
Ajax: HA!..I've been playing Madden since I was in Kindergarden. You're on boy.
The camera fades to black as Ajax and Luscious run up stairs like two children getting called up for dinner.
+ - - - - - +
[main event below...]
