XCW 2005 : GateCrash, ElectroShock, & The End 2!!!

[THE Mac Bry v2]

From SWE event long ago, final episode of BuzzSaw, crowning the final SWE champion...

Incognito then, to the crowds bemusement signals for the Human Assembly Line once again! This time, when he sets Adio up he hits it and in a very devastating way! Adio hits the ground headfirst! My god! His neck could and should be broken! We are going to have a new champion! Incognito goes for the pin on Adio, 1…2…kickout!!!!! The crowd goes absolutely ballistic, as Adio Slim becomes the first person to ever kick out of the Human Assembly Line! Incognito is shocked and dazed at what just happened. Quickly, he sets Adio up for another Human Assembly Line, but Adio counters it and pushes him towards the turnbuckle! From there, Adio introduces his new move, the Northern Lights Out, which takes Incognito and slams him hard to the ground. The crowd get behind Adio as he goes for the pin, 1…2…kickout! The crowd gasp at the near fall. Adio can’t believe it either! Adio goes over to Incognito and aims to punish him further, but Incognito hits a low blow to the champion! The crowd boo loudly. It appears that Incognito has had enough as he walks out of the ring and grabs a steel chair! He brings it into the ring in hopes to use it, but the referee stops him dead in his tracks. While the argument ensues, Adio drop kicks Incognito from behind, making Incognito drop to the second rope! Dial up those phones as Adio runs in for the 6 1 9! The crowd lift the roof off the place as he jumps off and hits the West Coast Pop and rolls it into a pin! 1…2…3…! Adio Slim has won and retains the SWE Undisputed title!

The crowd cheer the champion as fireworks and confetti begin to blurt out from everywhere. Adio Slim takes the title and begins basking in the crowd’s praise, as there’s a standing ovation for the true SWE living legend. He looks around and grabs a microphone. The crowd chant ‘Adio’ to him as he tries to talk. This happens twice more before he finally gets to speak.

Adio: “You know, tonight, I guess I have opened my eyes”

The crowd cheer where they once booed.

Adio: “When I turned, I forgot why I really went into this business; it was for the fans”

The crowd cheer even louder.

Adio: “That’s why I have made this decision for myself. As I get older and less mobile, I will only be letting the fans down. My tolerance for pain has been much and I have had some classic encounters, but as I stand in front of you all today on top of the mountain, I see that there’s nothing left for me to do in this business. That is why I have made my decision to...retire”

The crowd is shocked and gasp at the news.

Adio: “I want to thank everyone that has helped me in my career and as I leave with the title, I want to leave you with one saying…’Don’t read it, don’t sign it, just 6 1 9 it!’ Thanks for the memories…”

Adio leaves to a hero’s goodbye and a standing ovation as more confetti falls from the roof and an impressive salute honours SWE legend, Adio Slim. As he steps backstage he gives one final wave of the title followed by a huge fireworks explosion. The fireworks continue as the camera fades…

The world is a vampire... seeped with rage.

...

These are the days that try men's lives. Behold the words that fill thine ears...

...

Welcome... to XCW. Enjoy your stay.

-------------------------------
XCW presents: GateCrash!
-------------------------------

The camera fades into GateCrash, after around five months of absence. Fading in... fading in... and... there we are. The lockeroom of the SWE superstars, gathered around a tv set, eagerly anticipating the arrival of their new leig. The camera slowly pans into the screen, and zooms in...)

*THUNK!*

(Oooo, that's a pain that's gonna linger... The camera [cracked as it may be] zooms out a bit, and we see the lights at ringside dim... a spotlight clicks on in the center of the ring, and into the light steps... the new owner...)

(...)

(...)

(... OH MY GOD!!!)

(VINCE, BY GAWD, RUSSO!!!)

(Vince stands in the middle of the ring, mic in hand, smile plastered across his face, as he nods to the assembled crowd. Backstage, a riot has ensued amongst the proud followers of Sean O'Connor, who loathed Russo with a passion. Russo lifts a finger up to silience the hissing crowd [guess which one?] and lifts the mic to his mouth.)

VR: Ladies and gentlemen, it's SO good to be back here where I belong. No, not in the SWE, because as we all know, that federation's dead and buried. Where I'm talking about, is under the advisment of but one man. Yeah, that's right, I'm not the owner. But you won't guess in a million years who is! Boys and girls, I want you to give a round applause for...

VR: Shane-o-mac Bryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

(The crowd immediately erupts into a frenzy of jeers, on the verge of destroying the building. The lights flash dark blue while the tron rolls footage of the greatest moments of this proud man's career. Shane arrives through the curtains to Puff Daddy's "Come with me", in his finest black leather jacket and those d@mned gray-trimmed shades. He extends both arms to his sides, and soaks in the hatred. Then, he walks down the aisle, gets in, and accepts the microphone from the former owner of WCW.)

MB: Folks, I'd like to introduce you to my commisioner, Mr. Vincent Russo! (crowd boos relentlessly) Tonight marks the beginning of a recreation. A recreation of a tired company in dire need of a facelift. And tonight... I give that very facelift. And it all begins with a 10 person, over the top battle royale for the XCW World title. As well, we shall be providing for you fine people British, IC-US, Women's, and Tag title match-ups between the current champs and my hand selected challengers. So, without further adieu-

VR: (takes the mic from Shane for one sec) SEAN!!! Wherever the hell you are! You can just sit at home while the Money and I finally turn this federation into something you could never even DREAM of managing. Entertainment. Enjoy the show folks.

(Russo lifts Shane's hand in the air, before the show fades to commercial on Black Sabbath's "Iron Man")

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(We come back to the office of Mac Bry, sitting at his desk, rifling through some papers, Russo sitting at the chair before Shane.)

VR: So, Shane-o, tell me... who's it gonna be?

MB: Vinny Ru, I'm not saying.

VR: Ohhh, so you wanna keep me in the dark just like the rest of these mucks, eh? Is that it?

MB: No, not really. It's just that there's a cameraman standing behind you... with camera...

VR: Oh... right.

MB: But I would like to adress the people on the following match up. (turns to the camera) Folks, our first match is for the British title, held by Chris Storm. This match shall be a straight up hardcore brawl, and the challenger will be announced as soon as Storm makes his way down the aisle. So... Storm... GET DOWN THAT D@MN AISLE!!!

///Chris Storm vs ? ? ? - British hardcore bout\\\

'Firestarter' starts up, and Chris Storm rolls on down the ring in his finest garb, British strap over his shou- OH MY GOD!!!

From behind, with a clubbing arm... it's... it's... Ben Joss!!! The old Industrial announcer! He screams into the air, "BY GAWD!!!", picks up Storm, drapes him over his shoulder, twirls around, and slams him to the steel ramp with the Sooner Slammage!!! He drops an arm over Chris's chest, the ref kneels down, and here's the pin: 1....2....3!!!

Winner and NEW British champion... Good ol' BJ!!!

(Backstage, Shane and Vince are laughing their @sses off.)

MB: Now THAT's how we start a show, eh Vinny Ru?

VR: D@mn straight, boss! What's next on the agenda?

MB: Hmm... Well, now that we've got the commentator as the British champion, it's only fair that we make the ring announcer women's champion, eh?

VR: Wait... who's the ring announcer?

MB: Why... as of today, LEAR!!! Sean's sister!

VR: Ah, good show!

/////////////////////////////

Victoria vs Lear - Women's title

(Victoria stands in the ring, staring up the ramp for her challenger, Lear, who is set to take her on in a singles contest for the Women's strap. Metallica's "Enter Sandman" kicks on, and gold sparks shower the stage, as Sean's sister walks out from the back to a raucous ovation. Probably the first one we've heard today. Lear stands at the foot of the ramp, decked out in black leather, piercing her eyes into the soul of Vicky. It is at this moment that it becomes all too apparent.)

Victoria: YOU!!!

Lear: Mmm-hm. ME!!!

(It couldn't be!!! Lear is the woman that attacked Victoria in her match with Molly Holly! And now it seems as though Vicky's looking for a bit of revenge, as she stampedes out of the ring, up the ramp, and Lou Thesz presses the SWC's only female World Heavyweight champion. Lear, though, rolls over, reversing the momentum, and taking Victoria underneath... who rolls over ontop of Lear... who rolls over ontop of Victoria... finally sending the two hurtling over the ramp and downward, through a stack of five tables!!! The two women are knocked out on top of eachother, as the referee begins the count out: 1......................... 2........................... 3.................................. 4...................................................

5
6
7
8
9
10!

Both women have been counted out!!! What does this mean?)

MB: I'll tell ya what it means! (the camera pans up to the tron, where Shane sits at his desk, feet up, sipping from a margarita) This means... the women's title... is VACANT... indefinitely! Vicky, Trinity, and Lear will remain on the roster, able to compete in men's matches or against eachother if I see fit, but Molly Holly will be forced to leave the federation for no other reason than the fact that she won't give me her number. So, Vicky, Leary, get up, dust yourselves off, and head to the showers. I'll meet you there in half an hour...

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Lear: Ladies and gentlfolk. The following contest is for the tag team titles, and will be the second ever Hell on Earth match!!! Both teams will be trapped inside a plastic cell, the title suspended high above, and at a random juncture in the match, water will begin to seep inside the cell. The only way to escape the cell with your life and the win is by grabbing the gold.

(Embrace's "New Adam, New Eve" rolls onto the speaker system, and the crowd erupt into a roar of approval for the old SWC's greatest icon: Deathstar Dementia!!! Along with King Coleman, straps over their shoulders, whizzing down the ramp, inside a shopping cart... until they smash into the ring and fly inside! They stand up tall and both hop up on a turnbuckle on either side of the ring, showing off the gold to the crowd.)

Lear: First, introducing the world tag team champions, King Coleman, and my brother's alter ego-

Deathstar: WHOA, WHAT?!

Lear: ... Whoops... that's what the cue card says...

Deathstar(leaps off the turnbuckle and storms over to his sister- er, I mean, SEAN'S sister...): WHAT THE FVCK IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?! You KNOW that's a secret!!! ... (looks at the crowd... at Lear... and at the ground) Ah sh!t...

(The tron comes on, Shane's face awash with "shock".)

MB: NO! Say it isn't so! It COULDN'T be true, it just couldn't be! Deathstar... Sean... you mean... all that time? Next you'll be telling me that Dexter Ramone was nothing more than your pet hamster inside a plastic manequin! Well, we just can't have this, dontchaknow. You, Sean, have distinctly given the rule of the SWC over to ME, and therefore, you are no longer of any relation to this product. You are hereby BANNED from ALL shows, and if I see your face in any of MY arenas? I'll have you arrested... AGAIN. So, either you vacate the ring, (a few security men step out before the ring) or my men will give you a bit of help. How's that?

Deathstar: ... FVck you. FVCK YOU SHANE! Do you hear me?! First you strip me of my federation. THEN, you strip me of my career. Now? I want to strip you of your spinal cord!

(Deathstar leaps out of the ring, and makes a dash for the entrance, rushing to break through security so he can get his hands on Mac Bry... only it's too late. The guards grab tightly to his wrists, lock on the cuffs... and the legacy of the Friday Night Gang has drawn to a close...)

MB: Bwahahahaha! I love this job! And next... COLEMAN! YOU'RE FIRED!!! Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!

King: WHY?!

MB: Heh, I dunno. Ok, how 'bout this. You're not fired. You can be Ben Joss's co-commentator!

Coleman: ... Can I be fired again?

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(We fade into Shane's office, where he watches the footage in glee of his announcement mere moments ago concerning Deathstar's departure, and Coleman's "promotion". He smiles and snickers, as Russo comes up from behind, paper in hand, smiling as well.)

VR: Boss, it looks like the brackets are in order. The men are on their way as we speak!

MB: Excellent. (turns to the camera) People, as you have just seen, the tag champions are no more. So, we must find SOME way to rectify this situation, mustn't we? In the following weeks, I will be presenting to you fine people a tournament of eight teams, and the winning team shall be crowned the new champions. Until then, XCW takes you to a far away jungle for the first ever... Temple of DOOM match! Enjoy.

(Switch cameras to a deserted jungle forest, where upon which inside of the granite brick of a far away, long lost temple there stands Phoenix, holding the Ic-Us title, in the very center of the temple. He sits in a throne, awaiting his challenger.... who stands on the OUTSIDE of the temple, waiting for the entrance door to open. The challenger? None-other than the KO Kid himself, Dean West! Decked out in full boxing outfit, the Bruiserweight champ stands fit and firm, ready to lay down some pepper. But tonight, he has quite the challenge ahead of him. For you see, the only way for KO to face Phoenix for the title is to MAKE IT to Phoenix... in one piece. The temple is layered with traps, doors, and halls, and all in all, not only is it going to be hard for Deano to make it through the rooms... but so will it be for him to actually figure out which rooms lead to his goal. He knocks once... knocks twice... third time's the charm, and here we go, the first ever Temple of Doom match.)

KO begins walking down a long corridor, seemingly without anything but a single door at the end... until he bumps his head. Into air? No... an invisible wall! Which triggers a GIANT BUCKET OF KFC!!! TO LAND ON HIS HEAD!!!! Ko's... Ko's... Ko'd!!! KO has been knocked out by his favorite meal! How ironic! How peculiar! How incredibly crappy! ONLY IN DA XCW!

Winner and still Ic-Us champ: Phoenix

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Main Event Time, buddy boy!
=======================

(Shane's face appears on the Tron.)

MB: I am very pleased to announce that two men have been added to this main event match-up. One of those two men will now make his debut, as the first entrant of the ten man over the top rumble. Ladies and gents, please give it up for... (looks at cue card) ... Dash Manow!

(The lights suddenly cut, and the words "Hook... Line... and Sinker" flash over the screen... and then... BOOM!!! Pyro sets off on stage, and Run DMC's "It's Tricky" introduces us to the XCW's first original member. Clad in plain black tights and a mask, this man bears a striking resemblence to a certain "Brahma Bull". But of course, as we all know, that jerk is off cutting movies God know's where for God know's how much... b@stard.)

(Dash makes it down to the ring, but before he can step foot inside the ring, pyro bursts off on the turnbuckles, causing him to lose his footing and tumble to the outside mat. The lights flash green, and Big Brovas, "Nu Flow" comes in deep, and we all know who THIS is, as the crowd roars its approval. Shad stands tall on stage, comfortable in the fact that Sean left with a losing mark against this former leader of the X-Ecutioners. Sean being gone... that means they may no longer be in administration... it COULDN'T happen... could it?)

(Shad stops at the ring, looks down at Manow... and slides him into the ring... getting in himself... before tossing Dash over the top rope! The first eilimination, ten seconds into the match! 'I ad ur mam' strikes the speakers, and Peter Pan rushes down the ramp, Shad balling up his fists in preperation... but from behind, a chairshot from the Bounty! Bounty drops the chair, picks up Shad, hooks him into a front chancery, lifts him up, and plants him with a hard ddt right on the chair. Shad stays up for about three seconds before crumpling to the canvas. Bounty drags Shad to his feet, whips him into the ropes, and follows in with a gore... but the Shad ducks under and sends Bounty hurtling through the air and on top of Dash, who had just risen to his feet! Shad bounces off one set of ropes... then the other.... and leaps into Peter Pan, slumped up against a turnbuckle. Shad squashes him with the splash, before throwing him over the top and to the outside. Shadowman has eliminated THREE participants!!!)

(Limp Bizkit begins rocking with "Take a look around", to send in The Ginger One, who stampedes down the ramp... followed by High Priest brought out to "Can't Stop" by the Red Hot Chili Peppers... and then by Deep Heat with 'Sexy Boy'. All three men get in and surround the former two time champion of the SWC. Shad looks at each man... before the lights black out! And when they return... there stands Abel on one side, Cybot on the other! Three on three, baby!!!)

(Rights are traded, kicks are landed, and general chaos reigns supreme. Cybot tosses Ginger into the ropes, who comes back with a leaping shoulder tackle... but Cybot catches the flying Ninja, and sends him soaring over the ropes with a belly to belly. Cybot looks over the ropes at his work, and turns around with a smile... catching a side kick from the Priest. Cy leans against the ropes, before Heat sends him careening to the outside with a clothesline. Deep Heat and Priest high-five eachother, while on the other side of the ring Abel is speaking with Shad, talking over strategy perhaps. Shad nods his head and begins to head for the two men on the other side of the ring... when Abel comes up from behind, turns him around, and lands the Abel Plant! Abel hocks up a loogie, and lets it rip right on Shad's chest, before kicking him to the wolves... right when Chad Kroguer's "Hero" begins to play... and down the aisle whizzes Shad's old X-Ecutioners buddy, Spunk Monkey! Spunk Bottom to Heat! Spunk Bottom to High Priest! Spunk Bottom to Abel! And the crowd goes nuts! THE X-ECUTIONERS ARE REBORN!!! Spunk lifts Shad to his feet and pats him on the back, making sure he's ok. The two begin to go to work on the three others, before tossing each over the rope, one by one by one.)

(And that's when it hit.)

(Jaded. But not Green Day's 'Jaded'. The Aerosmith hit. And from the curtains emerged a man. A CHANGED man. No longer Ed the Electron. This man... is EDJE!!! Black trenchcoat, black shades, long black hair, Edje stares down at the two X-Ecutioners in the ring. Two men that have made life hell for him since his arrival in the SWC. And now... it's payback ti- WHOA!!! Bat to Shad! Bat to Spunk! From behind, the eleventh participant... Vince Russo??? Russo picks up Spunk and tosses him over the ropes. Edje flies down the ramp, picks up Shad, and throws him out as well!!! It's down to these two! Russo and Edje! Edje and Russo! Russo! Edje! Russo! Ed... whoa... wait... Edje is... Edje is walking out of the ring over the top rope! With a HUGE smile plastered over his mug! He gestures to Russo, who is... wait... this means...)

(...)

BJ: RUSSO'S THE CHAMPION! RUSSO'S THE CHAMPION! BY GAWD, RUSSO'S THE CHAMPION! HALLELLUJAH! PRAISE THIS DAY!!!

(I... I can't believe it. Vince Russo is our first champion. Folks.)

(This is crap.)

(ONLY IN XCW!!!)

|fade|

(Questions to be asked: Have the X-Ecutioners reformed? Or was the alliance between Spunk and Shad a one shot deal? And what's with this alliance between Ed the Elec- er... "Edje", and Vinny Ru? And why... someone tell me WHY!!! Plus, what all teams are going to take part in the tag team tourny? This one oughta be a helluva blast folks, and you'll only catch it here in XCW! The action continues on Electroshock, so be sure to miss it! I mean... aw screw it...)

-------------------------------------
XCW presents: ElectroSHOCK!!!
-------------------------------------


*s... s... s... s...*

*We are in control*

*s... s... s... s...*

*We are inescapable*

*s... s... s... s...*

*We are unavoidable*

*s... s... s... s...*

*We are coming*

*s... s... s... s...*

*We are everywhere*

*We are you.*

= static =

=============================================

BJ: Hello folks and welcome to the first edition of XCW ElectroShock, straight from Showtime Arena in beautiful St. Louis, Missouri! Shane-o-mac Bry and Vince Russo have taken over, and their regime is beginning to solidify itself. BUT, it seems as though these two men on a mission have some trouble on their hands in the form of the recreated X-Ecutioners, Shadowman and Spunk Monkee. And tonight, at my side on commentary, is the one, the only: Jamie of the East. How are ya James muh' boy?

JOE: Sod off.

BJ: ... Uhm... alrighty then! Tonight we have a jam-packed show for you fine people out there! We have the makings of a stupendous tag title tourney. Now, to make things clear, Mac Bry and Vinny Ru have chosen all eight teams at complete and total random. The first half of the quarter-finals will be presented tonight when Lear and Victoria take on KO & Phoenix, and Spunk and Deep Heat meet Shadowman and Edje!

JOE: ... That sounds a bit lop-sided now, don't ya think mate?

BJ: Whadya mean by that?

JOE: Well, Spunk and Heat nearly killed eachother in the Hell in a Cell at the final SWE ppv, SummerSmash. Phoenix and KO have hated eachother for months. Lear is Victoria's attacker, as we discovered last Buzzsaw. And Spunk and Shad are team mates for Christ's sakes! Are you sure this isn't some miserable attempt by our scumb bag bosses to-

BJ: HEY!!! DON'T YOU EVER REFER TO OUR RESPECTABLE, HONORABLE, DEAR, SWEET, HUMBLE EMPLOYERS IN THAT MANNER!!! THEY DO EVERYTHING IN THEIR POWER TO SEE TO IT THAT THIS COMPANY IS RUN WITH THE UTMOST CARE! AND IF YOU WANT TO KEEP YOUR JOB, I SUGGEST YOU WATCH WHAT YOU SAY CUZ THEY'RE LISTENING AT ALL TIMES!!!

JOE: ...

BJ: That's better. In addition to our tag matches, we will be presenting a ladder match between... wait... WHAT?! Me vs WHO?!?!?!?! You've gotta be kiddin' me, by gawd! He'll... he'll...

JOE: Who is it Ben?

BJ: ... I'm at a loss. Folks... let's take a break.

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We fade back into the commentary table, where BJ is shaking in his boots, Jamie looking at him quizzically.

JOE: So? Who the hell is it?

BJ: He's a monster I tell ya! EVIL personified! Straight from the pits of hellfire and brimstone!!! I... I...

JOE: Well come on Ben, go up to the ring! Your match is NEXT!

BJ: *gulp*

JOE:Aw quit bein' a baby, ya BABY!!!

(Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" hits on the PA, and Ben shakily rises to his feet. But, before leaving, he reaches under the table and sneaks something into his pocket.

(Good ol' BJ walks up to the ring, and climbs inside, before being nearly knocked out again by a burst of white pyro on stage. As soon as the pyro hits, the lights shut off.)

"Awubba dubba flubba... SHAROOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!"

JOE: Oh... my... GOD! It couldn't be! IT IS!!!

("No More Tears" blasts over the speakers, and a pedestal rises from the stage, and who else should stand atop it but the original prince of darkness:

JOE: Ozzy Osbourne!!! The Ozzman cometh, baby!

(Oz jumps off the platform and saunters down the ring, shaking the hands of the fans as he passes. As he makes his way through the ropes, Lear [the announcer] begins to speak.)

Lear: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is now a CASKET match!!!

JOE: The crowd is eating this sh!t up! BJ looks like he's just seen a ghost!

(Lear pulls the casket up to the side of the ring. BJ backs up as Ozzy stalks... step by step... inch by inch...

JOE: NIAGARA FALLS!!!

(Ozzy raises his hands into the sky, and... BJ pulls out a wad of cash... around 20 bucks. Ozzy nods his head, and retrieves some object from his back pocket... what appears to be a DVD... He hands the DVD case to Ben, who swaps with the stack of bread. Ozzy runs his thumb through the bills, before pocketing them. The camera slowly zooms into the DVD to reveal... yes, it's the 1st season of "the Osbournes"!)

JOE: WHAT?!?!?! What a crock of-

(The audience is literally rioting! [literally... they've got pitchforks and everything...] BJ lifts the DVD to the air, flashing it off to the crowd like the shill he is, and Ozzy more than obligingly slides under the rope and right into the coffin!)

Lear: Winner, and STILL XCW British champion - Ben Joss!!!

JOE: SON-OF-A... this is an outrage. This is my first night as this man's co-commentator and I alREADY hate his guts!

(BJ holds the title high into the air, as garbage litters the ring, and he flashes them pearly whites. Show goes to break.)

|ad:

BJ: Folks, Ben Joss here to remind you that the first season of the Osbournes is now on sale at all fine markets for a mere $5.99! You can catch all the wild and zany action that you could have caught on MTV for free, yet most likely wouldn't have given a sh!t if you had! Catch it at Wal-Mart, Best Buy, K-Mart-

JOE: Ben.

BJ: - Target, Sears-

JOE: BEN.

BJ: K.B., Radio Shack, Blockbuster-

JOE: BEN!!!!!

BJ: WHAT?!

JOE: Your three minutes are up.

BJ: Oh...

JOE: If you ask me, that was pathetic. You actually paid Ozzy and shilled his crappy DVD just to get out of an actual contest.

BJ: Yeah... so?

JOE: ... Nevermind.

BJ: Alright folks, next up, it's the first bout in the tag team title tournament! It's gonna be Lear and Vicky vs KO and Phoenix!

JOE: I still say this is lop-sided...

(A resounding beat pumps up on the speakers, and Puff Daddy's "Come with me" kicks in, as the head honcho of Xtremely Crappy Wrestling waltzes down the aisle, in a sweet leather vest and his famous gray-trimmed shades [now on sale at the souvenir stand for the low, low price of only 394735 and 2 dollars! What a steal!]. Shane sprints down the ramp, gathering up the middle fingers and loogies, before sliding under the bottom rope and grabbing the mic from Lear.)

MB: Wazzzaaapppp!!!

Guy in audience: You're a dumb@ss!!!

MB: I love you guys too! As you know by now, Vince Russo is our champion. And while he may be a great man to build a federation around, I feel as though the other members of this company could use a little sprucing up. As you've seen, I've already taken a virtual loser in Ed and turned him into an up and coming mega super-duper star, all in the span of a night. And now, I plan on doing the exact same thing with the rest of the roster. And so, later on tonight, after our main event, I will conduct a special raffle, with all members of the roster present around ringside, and I shall determine every man's new gimmick by the luck of the draw. I look forward to it, and I know you all do too. Enjoy the rest of the night.

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(We return to the ring, where Lear is holding the mic.)

Lear: Alright ladies and gents. The following contest is a first round bout in the tag team titles tournament. First, introducing-

*s... s... s... s...*

(The lights dim a bit, and the Tron begins to fill with snow, as a voice continually repeats the letter s. Lear looks confused, and glances over toward the ramp... before the lights black out.)

(...)

(As soon as they return, the voice has stopped, the screen is black... and Lear is layed out in the center of the ring!)

BJ: BY GAWD! BY GAWD!! BY GAWD!!! WHAT IN DA HOLY BLUE HELL JUST WENT ON ROUN' H'YE?!

JOE: Nothing! I didn't do anything, I swear!!!

BJ: ... We'll return after these ads.

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(Backstage, Shane is yelling at an underling.)

MB: D@MNIT! Now what the fVck am I supposed to do about this tag match?! Lear was Vicky's partner!!!

Underling: Well... why dontcha just make it a gall derned handicap match?

MB: You know... you may be on to something... YOU'RE FIRED!

Underling: What?! Why? I just gave you an idea!

MB: I know, I'm just a power hungry son-of-a-b!tch who likes throwing his weight around. Now get outa my sight!!!

Underling: (as he runs away sobbing) WAAAAH! I'ma tell my ma on you! You's a mean man!!!! WAAAAAAAH!

MB: God, I love this job...

Victoria vs Ko and Phoenix - Tag Tourney

JOE: What kinda tag team is this?!

BJ: A one woman tag team, that's what kind!

JOE: Oh give me a break...

(T.A.T.U.'s "All the things she said" hits, and Vic comes out, looking terrified to go in the ring with not one but TWO men. She steps inside the ring, and walks over to the corner, bowing her head over the post, probably praying to get through this. And let me ask you people one question. We've had two shows already, and neither one contains ONE actual, straight-up wrestling match. ONLY IN XCW!!!)

("Bulls on the Parade" by Rage Against the Machine begins to play, presenting the second "team", if we can call these two sides teams, one being a single woman, and this one... two men who DESPISE eachother. Phoenix walks down the ramp, Ic-Us strap slung over his shoulder, as he glares to his side at KO, who stumbles down the aisle like the goof he is, until the two men make it to the ring. KO rolls under the bottom rope, immediately picking up the boots from the former Women's champion, as Phoenix just stares on with a grin. He pulls up a seat from underneath the ring, and begins to enjoy the match.)

(Vic slings KO into the ropes, who rebounds off and catches a back body drop from Vic. Vic picks up KO's arm, wraps around her legs into a legscissor's armbar, reaches over and grabs up KO's head, locking in a dragon sleeper, and we have a submission hold! Quite devestating looking, and KO has almost NO chance to reach the ropes... but Phoenix won't let this match slip through his grasp like that. He reaches in, pulls on KO's wrist, and brings him over to the ropes, where he holds on to for dear life. Vic reluctantly breaks the hold. She goes up top... and meets steel! Phoenix smashes the chair upside her face, and the Viccinator falls, sprawled out across the mat. Phoenix slides into the ring, picks her up, and drops her with the Rakuro-Slam, before draping the now unconcious KO over her body... for the 1................... 2.................... 3!!!)

Winners and advancing to the second round: Ko and Phoenix!

(Phoenix is simply glowing now, as he has single-handedly picked up the win for his team. He looks down at KO... and instead of helping him, just kicks him lightly in the ribs, before hopping out of the ring, whistling merrily as the cameras fade to commercial. This is one dysfunctional team, I tell ya what...)

|ads|

(We return to Trinity, standing beside the new and improved:

Edje.)

Trinity: So... like... how are you... and stuff?

Edje: The darkness consumes all. The darkness IS all. I am the darkness. Fear me.

Trinity: ... And we now return it back to... like... BJ?

BJ: Thank you Trinity! Next up is our main event of the evening! Spunk! Deep Heat! Shadowman! And-

*s... s... s... s...*

*The following announcement is paid for by the friends and followers of all that is wrong with the world today*

Voice over the pa: (speaks as the Tron is filled with fuzz, and the lights flicker black and white) Beyond the scope of man... there lies a realm of unforseen wealth. Wealth beyond measurement of mere silver and gold. Everything a man could ever desire... here lies the wealth... of power. And within the hands of but a few doth this power rest. Soon... soon. They shall share their wealth with the common urchins of this God forsaken planet. So that some may be spared from the oncoming destruction that which is to consume everything and all within its path. Bow now... or die eternally.
The future... is coming.

Voice: God save us all.

*s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s- s-*
= static =

(Things return to normal, but BJ and Jamie's voice are filled with static. The lights black out, and when they return... in the middle of the ring stands the Phenom Electron: Edje! "Jaded" blasts over the speakers, as the crowd... is dead. But hey, ya gotta give 'em time to accept that this guy is COOL! Yeah! Heh... yeah... anyway. Edje bouncs off both ropes, awaiting his partner. "X Gonna Give to Ya" ricochets off the walls of the arena, and here comes the People's Champ! Shad runs down the ramp, clad in black leather pants and nothing else, and leaps over the top rope, before bounding ontop of the turnbuckle and lifting an arm to the screaming crowd. Shad soaks in the cheers of the fans, before bouncing off, and staring at Edje with disgust. Spunk comes down to the ring. Suddenly, Shane's face comes on the Tron, Vinny Ru standing behind his swivel chair.)

MB: Spunk. It has come to my attention that Deep Heat has a dentist's appointment. So, I have decided to cut a deal. You now... have no partner. Good luck!

(Spunk stares up at the screen... and turns back to Shad... who turns to Edje... who looks at the two men with a puzzled look. Before receiving a two man beatdown. Right, left, right, left, right, left, RIGHT! Edje falls to his knees, and both Shad and Spunk land off a nice solid shuffle kick to the back and front of the poor man. Edje falls to the mat, and Shad courteously steps to the side, allowing Spunk to drape down for the win. But, before any celebration can take place, the Tron returns to life, Shane in an outrage.)

MB: D@MNIT! That is NOT how it was supposed to happen! I order this match to be restar- *CRACK!*

(Shane's face falls over onto his desk, Russo layed out in the background, and we see.... The screen blacks out, and Spunk and Shad look at eachother... before green and black spotlights shine from the stage, and "X Gonna Give it to Ya" by DMX hits for the second time tonight. The crowd is in a state of shock, as right before them stands...

(Deathstar??? It couldn't be... The man that appears to be Deathstar saunters down the ramp, up the ring steps, and up to Shadow and Spunk, who immediately embrace him, and lift him onto their shoulders...)

BJ: WHAT IN THE GREEN SALAMANDER SUEDE SHOES IS GOIN' ON?!?!?!?!

JOE: CALM THE FVCK DOWN PIG BOY!!!

BJ: HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE!!!!!!!!

Guy in place of Lear : Your winners, and second rounders, Spunk Monkee... and Deathstar... Degeneraaaaaaaaaaaaate!

BJ and JOE: WHAT THE FVCK?!?!?!

(Questions to be asked: What in the world has gone down tonight? Who is this Deathstar Degenerate? And how exactly is he involved with the X-Ecutioners? And what about the new gimmicks? Who will take up the second bracket of round one? Plus, we still have no clue what the dealio be between Russo and Edje! Find out the answers to these questions and more on XCW: BUZZSAW!!! Goodnight everybody!!!)

---------------------------------
XCW presents: THE END 2!!!
---------------------------------

www.macbry.webs.com/q.html -- THE END 1, Sweet Sixteen

*...*

*...*

*static... static...*

*He-He-He-*

*static*

*HE'S GOING UP TOP!!!*

*static*

*Triple S is going to bring down the Crock!!!*

*static*

*OH MY GOD!!!*

*static*

*Ped- Ped- Ped-*

*static*

*PETICURE!!! Peticure off the ladder, into the ring!!! SSS drapes down for the pin- static... static...*

*1..............*

*2.....................*

*3!!!!! Triple S has done it! Triple S is the final WCWF champion!!! What a night folks!!!*

*s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-...*

*It's a shame we have to leave you like this, but what a run it's been! Wait... the Tron seem to have went to...*

*STATIC*

*...*

And through the static, a single voice proclaimed... as the final show of the WCWF drew to a close...

"The New Age of Stupidity... is Coming"

WCWF: R.I.P. - 2000 to 200- *STAT-STAT-STAT-*

*s... s... s... s... sh... sha...*

*Voice: SHANE!!!*

*the ultimate return...*

*change is coming...*

*tonight*

====================================

Parodyox Entertainment...

In cooperation with STV Studios...

Sponsored by Shaneco. Stacker Chew, the world's ONLY Protein Enhanced Chewing Tobacky!

XCW proudly presents...

THE END 2... Valentine's Day Massacre!!!

And here tonight to commentate on this spectacular... spectacle; Spacko, Coleman, and the official commentator of the new era... Good ol' BJ!

BJ: Hello folks!!! And welcome to the greatest show in the history of shows!!!

Spacko: What the bloody hell are you so bloody excited about, mate?

BJ: Well, besides the fact that I get to defend my title against the greatest icon in the history of our business-

Coleman: You mean Dash Manow?

BJ: Who? Don't you remember?

Spack: Remember what, mate?

BJ: Why, after Electroshock went off the air, we held the raffle, and every new gimmick was decided! That means, from now on, Dash will henceforth be known as... Rott Hull, Da Bad Chico!

Coleman: Hmm... why does that sound so familiar?

BJ: I don't have any clue what you're insinuating, but- HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE!!! BY GAWD! BY GAWD! BY GAWD! BY GAWD ON A BISQUIK!

Spacko: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

Coleman: Somebody get this guy some rittalin... d@mn...

BJ: You'll never imagine the HUGE bombshell that's just been dropped from the backstage!

Spacko: What? Is Russo going to drop the belt to someone that actually DESERVES to be in a wrestling ring?

Coleman: Or atleast you, eh BJ? The sooner we get two titles around a commentator, especially one of Ben's caliber, the sooner this show soars to the top of the ratings!

Spacko: You're scaring me, King... you're starting to sound a bit like Vinny-Ru...

BJ: Hey! Bombshell over here!

Spacko: Oh yes, do tell.

Coleman: Sorry for the interruption, Joss. *mumbling* jack@ss... */mumbling*

BJ: Well, it seems that two of the most incredulously incredibly legandariously legendarily stupenderific icons in the history of the sport have arrived on a private jet backstage-

Spacko and Coleman: How did they fit a jet backstage?

BJ: ... They've arrived, and have met with Shane. And as word has travelled from the back to my barbecue sauce smitten right ear... it appears as though these two members of the e-Millionaire's Club will indeed be placed against the winners of Spacko and Deathstar vs KO and Pheonix, which will, of course, be a TLC match.

Spacko: How can a bloody ear be smitten with barbecue sauce?

BJ: I haven't bladed my ear today...

Spacko: ...

Coleman: And now, we head backstage, where Trinity is with Shadowman, who is headed straight for a head on collision with Russo in a world title match! ... Wait, I've heard word that... yes... ok fans, sorry for the mistake. His name is.... Wait, you've gotta be kidding me... Here's Trinity, with... Triple S?

(The XCW-vision screen tron comes on, showing a face shot of "Triple S". He stares coldly into the camera... before a sick grin spreads across his face. The camera pulls out a bit, revealing him to be wearing a pair of purple shorts, reaching to his knees, with a yellow smiley face plasted over the crotch. Shad... er, Trips has dyed his once short black hair brown, and grown it out a bit. Trinity stands by with mic in hand, as she begins the interview.)

Trin: So... like... Triple... S? Like... so... like... (Trips, frustrated beyond belief [actually, I believe it...], snatches the microphone out of Trin's hand and shoves her off camera, before lifting the stick to his mouth, sneering with dripping vicousness... glaring into the camera lens like a rabid chiauaua, lips curling at the side with a simply horrid smirk... before opening his poisoning mouth... and speaking.)

SSS: For 2 years... 2 years. I've met some of the biggest, most destruction wreaking, havoc causing monsters of men... and I've stepped into the ring with some agile, swift on their feet cruisers who knew how to run, leap, and jump like a horny toad. And you know what? I'VE BEATEN THEM ALL! And their grandmothers? I've beaten THEM too! And even their pet hamsters! And I've even took their mamskis on a mixin' ride to paradise!

Pan: Hey! That's my line!

SSS: YOU'RE FIRED!

Pan: You can't fire me!

SSS: Oh yeah?! I'm the be-all of this business, and without a shadow of a doubt, if it weren't for me, SWC would be dead as we speak!

Pan: But... SWC IS dead.

SSS: See! Exactly my point! As soon as Sean was stupid enough to take me off the active roster, the ratings plummeted like Norrey on an "Overweight Hotties" centerfold! Yeah! I SAID IT!!! And I'll say any d@mn thing I want too, cuz I'm the Shad-ah! And I'm-ah the coolest-ah! That d@mn cool, infact-ah! And tonight... when I step into the ring with not the biggest... not the quickest... but definitely the ANNOYINGEST S.O.B. I've EVER had the displeasure of stepping in the ring with... Vincent Russo... Yeah... I'm gonna kick his tail like there's no d@mn tomorrow. I'll beat HIS @ss... and then... THEN... I'm gonna make our beloved chairman kiss... my... BUTT! Because I'm Super Stud Shadow, and I get what I want, when I want, how I want, where I want, from who I want, and for whatever reason my Cerebrally Superior Cranium can imagine!

SSS: Tonight... X-Ecution will pass Russo by... SHANE OVER!!!

(Trips takes the mic and shoves it into Trin's chest... before reeling her in and planting a big ol' sloppy one right on her face. And then he kisses her too.)

===============================================
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===============================================

(Backstage, Shane-o-mac Bry is sitting at his desk, his office door closed slightly, so that the inner-sanctum is darkened just enough so as the men standing before Mac Bry may not be seen. He taps a finger on his desk, rubbing his other hand against his chin in deep thought...)

MB: Men... this is going to be a big night. THE big night. Quite possibly the biggest night in the history of proffesional wrestling. Well... except for the night Stephanie popped out... God, I miss those good ol' days...

Voice from the Shadows... sounding awfully alot like the Hul- : Dude, that was only, like, 3 years ago, brother.

MB: And yet I still remember them as if they were yesterday... Anyhell, tonight... you can't screw up. And yes, I know, for you two, that's going to be quite hard. We all remember the countless times you've both been on the "road to recovery"... so many injuries, such vast careers. But tonight... I'm depending on you two.

Another voice from the Shadows, this one a bit more layed back, smothered in cool...: Hey man, we're going to handle this like the eh... er... like WE always handle things.

All three: With as little effort as possible!

MB: Heheh... let's kick some motha' frickin' @ss... and then, after you two collect your checks, I had my eye on the most bee-yoo-tee-full pearl necklace.

Voice 1: A Valentine's gift for your wife?

Voice 2: ...

MB: ...

Voice 1: ...

All three: Bwahahahahahahahahah!!!

(Ringside.)

Coleman: How cold-hearted! Buying a pearl necklace... for himSELF?!

Spacko: When he has a loving wife at home to support!

BJ: Oh come now guys, I'm sure he has a box of Cracker Jacks lyin' around or something. Besides, haven't you ever heard the song? "All ya need is love!" That's what Valentine's Day was found on! Love, by Gawd!

Coleman: Oh cram it, Joss.

Spacko: Thank you ever so much, King.


BJ: Ugh, why did I ever agree to this three man broadcast schtick? One of you brits I can handle, but two... Well, moving right along, here are two broads who have absolutely NO love for one another. Ever since a mysterious woman clobbered Victoria in the back of the head with a foreign object during the ex-Women's champ's Summer Smash match, Viccy had been searching, and searching-

Spacko: Actually, that was about the time everyone went into hiatus-mode, till Shane came back and rekindled this feud that I'm sure, by now, absolutely noone reading knows a god-d@mned thing about, or would even care IF they knew a god-d@mned thing about it.

Coleman: Yeah, and besides... uh... what happened to my script?

BJ: Hah! I ate it! That'll teach you to tell Ben JOSS when to cram it!

Spacko: ... You ATE his SCRIPT?

BJ: Uh... yeah?

Coleman: ... Dude... didn't you know that all XCW scripts are coated in a lethal rat-killing poison?

BJ: ...

Spacko: Yeah, I mean, I just thought it was common knowledge?

BJ: ... Erm... excuse me... while I... *urp*

(BJ quickly stands from the table and rushes through the curtain to the backstage area... as Spack looks at King.... King looks at Spack... two cool smiles, and a high-five later, and we have a two-man team, ladies and gents.)

Spacko: Bwahahaha, what a goof.

Coleman: He actually thinks Shane would go through ANY trouble to sanitize the XCW Arena?

Spacko: Heheh, yeah, for all we know, Shane could be serving rats every day in the cafeteria, and we wouldn't be any of the wiser!

Coleman: ...

Spacko: What?

Coleman: ... Excuse me...

(And we're down to one. Spacko sits at the booth, tapping a pencil ferverently on the oak table, as he looks into the camera...)

Spacko: Losing... patience... rapidly... Must... call... match...

(The lights in the arena begin to flash, and the cell looming above the ring slowly lowers... it's Hell in a Cell time, bambino! And thankfully, Lear is already in the middle of the ring, being the announcer and all. Lucky for our lazy @ss writer who's taken till a week into March to write a Valentine's ppv... "Enter Sandman" drifts off into "All the Things she Said", as Victoria comes to the ring, clenching her head, as the voices seem to be in full force tonight, for this great show deep in the heart of St. Louis!)

Spacko: Welp, this is only the intro of the first match, and already we've learned of the transformation of a rookie jobber into a massive legend in the span of 3 minutes. We've heard the announcement that two other legends will make their return, facing off against the winners of the X-Ecutioners/KO&Phoenix match. Shadowman, once again, is on his way to the top of the mountain, only this time under the alias of the last man to ever hold the WCWF title... Triple S. And subsequently, Peter Pan was fired. Why? Cuz the Shadowman said so! We've witnessed the ad for this company's new forray into the world of kitty cat stink removers.... And both of my broadcast colleagues have become sick with imaginary illnesses! And folks, I've just gotta say... what a way to waste an hour before the first match has even officially begun! ONLY IN XCW!!! And now, Victoria is on the outside of the cell... inspecting the door... inspecting the mesh... inspecting the lock... wait... SHE'S NOT INSPECTING THAT LOCK!!! SHE'S LOCKING THAT LOCK!!! AND NOW WHAT IN THE TURQUOISE HELL IS THAT WENCH DOING?!?!?! She's... she's... Victoria's... heading back up the ramp?! Lear scrambles to the door and pounds and pounds away! Why she can't get through mesh that can easily be broken by the body of a five-star stoner, I'll never know... Victoria walks through the curtain... and time seems to have stood still.

Time: What do you expect me to do? Start a moshpit over Victoria walking backstage? Sheesh...

Spacko: Time seems to have picked up a bit of sarcasm! And... the lights go black... a spotlight shines down to the side of the ramp... where there's one of those big magnet machines you find in the junkyards! What's the meaning of this?!

THIS: Syllables: - this - / Parts of speech: pronoun , adjective , adverb

Part of Speech: Pronoun -

Definition 1. the person, thing, or matter mentioned, understood, or at hand. Example: Let's discuss this. Definition 2. the person, thing, or matter closer than another in time or space; the one most obvious. Example: this rather than that ; This is my house. Definition 3. the statement or occurrence about to follow. Example: Listen to this.

Part of Speech: Adjective -

Definition 1. used to indicate a person, thing, or matter as mentioned, understood, or at hand. Example This boat is old. Definition 2. used to indicate a person, thing, or matter as closer than another in time or space or more obvious. Example this wall and that wall ; Put the box here in this corner. Definition 3. used to indicate a statement or occurrence about to follow. Example Watch this maneuver.

Part of Speech: Adverb -

Definition 1. to the degree or extent indicated. Example: this much more ; this simple.

Spacko: - and, OH MY GOD!!! I wouldn't have thought she'd actually do it! BY GAWD!!! ... I never thought I'd hear myself say that...

(Well folks, while you were partaking in a little English lesson, you missed the magnet make its way toward the ring, and actually pick up the cage... ATTACHED to the ring! The magnet carried the ring/cage combo up the stage... backwards... swiveled around, so the construction, still holding Lear in it, was positioned over the edge of the stage. And just as it seemed as if Viccy was going to drop the cage... Shane invaded the car, and speared her out! Shane dropped about three elbows, and that's when he noticed. Viccy had turned off the power before being speared out. Which caused the cage to drop. Which caused a big mess. Which caused Shane to hurl Vic off the stage, and IN to the mess. Shane gazed down... as movement was seen from below... a hand shot up... the hand... of LEAR! And that's when he shouted, "Pin her! Pin her!!! The title's on the line!" And so... she did. Which caused Spacko to shout himself...)

Spacko: BY GAWD!!! ... I never thought I'd hear myself say that... but nevertheless, Lear has done it! She's picked up the win, AND the title! I... can't... BELIEVE IT!!! It's just so incredi-*static*

(We static out, and then static back into a dimly lit room, where BJ is hunched over a toilet bowl, "venting his spleen", if ya wheel. He flushes the toilet, and curls up into a little ball on the floor... before the door opens... and in walks... Dash Manow? Wait... no... this ISN'T Dash Manow... no siree bob, this is-)

BJ: By Gawd... da Bad Chico... What in the scalded dogs are you doing here?

Chico: Mang... I'm here to tell you... I QUIT!!! (Rott takes his vest and slams it to the floor in frustration, thus revealing that, yes, it truly is Dash.) When I joined this stinkin' fed, I wasn't lookin' for a d@mn joke of a company! Well... I've had it! I've got a deal with BoB, ya hear me?! BOB!!! And they've promised me big things, Jack, BIG things!

BJ: One, that's JOSS, and two, haven't they everybody? The fans... the superstars... they're all a bunch of suckers...

Chico: You don't know what you're talking about! And change that name thingee! I am NOT a d@mn chico!!! ARGHHH!!! I'm outa here!

BJ: Geez... SOMEbody's woken up on the wrong side of the barbecue sauce this morning...

(Welp, Dash was scheduled to face Dash... but that seems to have changed, as now, there IS no Dash!)

BJ: Which means I retain the title!

(Well... not exactly "retains"...)

BJ: Yipee! I retain the belt, and now, I'm off to buy cheap hookers and cheap beer! See you suckers at the after party!

(Heh, if there even IS an after party. Shane's cheaper than ANY hooker, I tell ya what... We fade once again to the interview set, where Trinity is standing by with... oh God no...)

Trin: Hey... like... Edje! So... like... like... like ya know?

Edje: The day of judgement is upon us all. Those who are weak shall parish... leaving only those who are strong. And those who are strong shall form together to fend against this evil... this treachory... this... turtle.

Trin: ... Like... back to you Ben!

Spacko: My name's Spacko...

Trin: Like, what-eveeeer...

Spacko: ... Next up is the second EVER Hell on Earth match, where the only way to win, is to grab the belt at the top of the plastic cage without drowning! First, already in the ring, he is the master of the-

Jack Hoff: HEY!!! You're taking my spot!

Spacko: Uh... er...

Jack Hoff: Guess what?! ME! YOU! NOW!!! Come get some, Brit boy!

Spacko: Oh God, can it get any worse...

(Ok folks, after a bit of negotiating with Shane, we've decided to make this... a fatal fourway! All four men in the cell at the same time, and the first man to get the belt is the winner! Only thing is, since Spack isn't an official superstar, he can't win the title.)

Spacko: But what about Hoff? And Joss? And Ru-

(And now, introducing, from Parts Unknown, Nebraska, weighing in at a simply HORRIFYING amount of weight, height unknown, he is the former SWC Women's Champion, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome... EDJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!)

("Jaded" by Aerosmith hits on the system, and Edje flies down the ramp, sliding into the ring, and as soon as the cage drops, thisn's off and running.)

(Wait... I thought Spacko said Phoenix was in the ring? So... uh... where's Phoenix?)

(... Well I'll be a pig farmer, it seems as though the champ is out by a lady fan, who is writing down her number! A turn of the tables, as wrestlers are usually the ones with the pen and paper for their fans... Phoenix suddenly realizes the cage that's fallen without him, and he takes the paper with him as he heads toward the cage...)

(Inside, Hoff is on Spack like neckbone, driving his fists over and over, repeatedly into the skull of the commentator, before standing, and grabbing Spack by the arm. Hoff whips Spack into the ropes, and catching him on the rebound with a mighty backdrop! And Spack drops on Edje's shoulders, who immediately drops him with a powerbomb! Spack out, Edje heads to the top, and lifts an arm to the air... before flying into the air with a legdrop... and connecting!)

(With the mat that is! Edje is out, Spack is out, and Hoff is standing in the center of it all. He looks to the air, where the belt is hanging ominously... and that's when the water began to seep in.)

(Jack looks down to the water, which slowly begins to fill his shoes... He squishes along in it, walking toward Spacko... before picking him up, and locking in a headlock! A mighty, mighty headlock! And then-)

(The lights went out? Yes... the lights suddenly shut off, and teh crowd is a buzz!)

Teh Crowd: Buuuuuuuuuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

(... Yeah... that was... stupid... The lights finally come back after around 5 minutes, and... the water has filled the plastic cell! And Phoenix is on top of the cell! And Edje is grabbing onto the belt! And Hoff is grabbing onto Edje! And Spacko is grabbing onto Hoff!!! My goodness! What could possibly happen next?!)

(...)

========================
WRITER'S BLOCK (what's new?)
========================

(My God! It's Vince Russo! And he's got a bat! And he just broke it against the cell! AND THE CELL'S BROKEN! AND WATER'S SPILLED OUT EVERYWHERE!!!)

(AND HOFF AND SPACK HAVE POURED OUT INTO THE OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!! Leaving Edje as the only man- Phoenix has broken his hand through the ceiling, and has grabbed onto belt! And he's pulling with all his might, as Edje desperately tries to pull it down!!! It's a tug-o-war over the Ic-Us title!!! The first man to soley hold the strap will indubidibly be the champ! It's a toss up!!! Russo rushes into the cell, and clenches onto Edje's feet! And... and... AND...)

(Backstage, Shane is holding Lear in his arms, walking toward his office, women's title around his waist (second man to have that happen to him...). He arrives at the office, and walks inside, before shutting the door behind him... strange...)

(Alright, and we're back to the ring, where... welp, it seems as if Russo has pulled down Edje, and knocked out Phoenix with the bat. Uhm... Edje wins! I guess... how anti-climactic...)

(Anyhoo, The cage has risen, and Russo is leading Edje out, who's half-unconcious, but still holding titghtly to that belt. And Spack, Hoff, and Phoenix have already been taken off in stretchers. Well... moving right along, we have what has now been announced as a triple threat tag team contest for the tag team titles. BJ and King are back!)

BJ: Yes we are. Thanks for filling in, narrator.

(No problemo. I get an extra nickel in my annual salary!)

BJ: Sweet... King, are you ready for some TLC?

King: Shut up, Ben.

BJ: ... What seems to be the problem?

King: D@MNIT, I SAID SHUTUP!!!

BJ: ...

King: The next match is for the tag team titles, and is for the tag team titles.

BJ: ... Say what?

King: (quickly grabs BJ by the collar) Do you want a face full of fist?

BJ: No thanks... unless ya got some barbecue sauce to go along with that!

King: ... (releases his grip)

BJ: Alright, filling in as announcer will now be... me!

King: Oh great...

BJ: First, introducing, a team that hates eachother so much, they're going to make seperate entrances!

King: But Booker T and RVD don't hate eachother and they still make seperate entrances.

BJ: Aw give me a break. That company doesn't know how to book themselves out of a paper bag. Seperate entrances=feud!!!

King: Yeah... whatever...

(Phoenix comes down the ramp to "Bulls on Parade", followed by KO, who receives the complete opposite reaction of Phoenix's. Which in layman's means, instead of absolutely no response, KO receives a shout of "BURN IN HELL, YOU SON-OF-A-B!TCH!!!". Thankfully for the audio feed, that shout came from a certain backstage office... Phoenix and KO stand in the ring, opposite eachother with vicous scowls... I don't know how these two could ever get along as champs...)

("X Gonna Give it to Ya" strikes up, and NOW the crowd is in an uproar, as the saviors of the SWC have returned! Spunk Monkee, along with Deathstar!!!)

(Degenerate that is. The two walk down that aisle, slapping hands and kissing babies on the way to the ring. Deathstar hops onto the apron, as Spunk slides under the bottom rope. Deathstar bounds over the top rope, and the two high-five on the inside. Both men hop to the turnbuckles, and lift their arms to the cheering masses. Yes folks... this is what it's all about. Well... this is what it WAS about.)

(THIS... is what it IS about.)

Speaker: "The following announcement is paid for by shane's World order."

King: WHAT THE FVCK?!?!?!?!

BJ: YES! YES! BY GAWD YES!!!

King: It's them! It couldn't be!!! It's... it's...

BJ: Hack and Slash! Hack and Slash! HACK AND SLASH!

King: Ok, d@mnit ya don't have to shout in my soddin' ear!

(The camera instantly goes to black and white mode, and a horizontal scroll comes into play, along with a few splotches and the like, static filtering in here and there... And there they are! The demi-gods of the sWo! The only two men that have stuck with the group as long as Mac Bry! This is it folks, this is what it's all about!)

BJ: This is it folks, this is what it's all about!

King: Where've I heard THAT before...

(Uhm... from me?)

King: Mmm... naaah.

(...)

BJ: Hack and Slash, in full sWo garb, make their way down the ramp, and get into that dar squared-circle, before the ref signals for the bell, and this here semi-main event TLC match is gosh dern underway!

King: Whoo hoo! Puppies!

BJ: Wha'?

King: Sorry, had to do that, and I missed my Viccy/Lear cue...

BJ: ... The bell is rung, and here we are!

King: I've been in the same place almost for two hours now.

BJ: ... You just keep getting curiouser and curiouser...

(Yes folks, we might FINALLY have an ACTUAL wrestling match in this thing! How novel would THAT be, eh?)

(...)

(Yeah, you're right, just a little TOO novel for THIS federation. Need to hurry this thing up so I can catch Frasier... ok, cue "No Pants". The song hits, all three teams stand center stage, prepared for a pier-sixer. Shane-o-mac Bry stands at the stage, holding a microphone in hand. He stares ominously down at the three teams... and lifts the mic to his mouth amidst a sea of boos...)

MB: ... YOU'RE FIRED!!!

King: WHAT?! He's firing all six of these men?!

MB: No, dumb Brit, I'm firing all of these men... except Hack and Slash!

King: On what grounds?!

MB: I believe the grounds right here in the Showman Arena will suffice. Phoenix, KO, Deathstar, Spack... OUTA HERE!!!

BJ: BY GAWD!!!

King: That's it, I'm sick and tired of this sh!t. I quit! (throws down his headset and heads out through the entrance)

MB: FINE! WHO NEEDS YA! Ben, will you allow me the priviledge of broadcasting alongside you on the main event?

BJ: It'd be a barbecue-covered honor, Mr. Mac Bry. Alright folks, as you now know, Hack and Slash are the NEW tag champs, ain't that right, Mr. Mac Bry?

MB: Sure is, Ben. And what better way to celebrate than to watch my Vice Prez kick the living hell out of Triple S?

BJ: But... boss... this IS the former Shadowman... I mean... don't you think...

MB: Come on Ben... trust me. The Shad-ah won't harm one hair on Uncle Vinny's head. Just watch.

("Iron Man" kicks up on the system, and the first ever XCW Champion makes his way out with the strap slinged across his shoulder. The crowd hates this man guts, but he doesn't seem to give one God-d@mn. Classic Russo. Vince strolls down the ring, and climbs in, before "X Gonna Give it to Ya" replaces Sabbath, as the crowd change it's tune, and in a hurry. Cheers are fired every which way at the SWC's saving grace, Triple S, formerly known as Shadowman. The Shad-ah steps inside the ring, and this one... well Ben?)

BJ: This is gonna be one helluva tuna-baker!!!

MB: Right on! Let's get this thing on!!!

BJ: Shad looks at Vince...

MB: Vince looks at Shad...

BJ: ... I can't believe it.

MB: YES!!! BY GAWD, YES!!!

BJ: You're a genius, Mr. Mac Bry.

MB: Don't I know it.

Ref: 1... 2... 3. Winner, and new World Champion-

MB: Ben, will you do us the honors?

BJ: Triple S has done it! Triple S is the final XCW Champion! What a night folks! Bwahahahahaha!

MB: Yeah, that's right! The XCW is DEAD, just like I put SWC down like a dog! And guess what? It's baaaaa-aaaaaccckkkk!

BJ: What is, boss, what is?!

MB: You'll see. Let me address my awaiting public.

(Shane drops the headset, and heads up to the ring, as debris fills the ring. Yeah, you may have guessed by now, but the infamous fingerpoke of doom? It's made it's triumphant return. Was all a swerve. The entire ppv. Good thing it sucked too, or the fans woulda been REALLY mad... Shane stand between the smiling faces of both Triple S and Russo... Shane shakes both their hands... first SSS... then Russo's... but wait... he doesn't let go of Russo's hand... he whips him into Trips, and... OH MY GOD!!! Pedicure! Pedicure! Pedicure on Russo! ANOTHER SET UP!!! Russo's down, and Ben is smiling from the announce booth... and... he's headed down the ramp! And here come Hack and Slash, along with the lovely Lear! Wait... tag champs... Women's champ... British champ... World champ. This group... they have all the gold! And they've forged together! Which leaves just one last title... EDJE!!! Edje zips down on a line from the rafters, carrying the Ic-Us title in his right hand! This is the blackest day in wrestling history! No... s... s... s... it couldn't be... the... the...)

MB: Ladies and gentlemen, please allow me to introduce you... or should I say, RE-introduce you... to the s... W... o. Triple S. Ben Joss. Edje. Lear. Hack. Slash. Me. And one final, most integral part of this association... the son of the devil himself... the prodigal son... the future leader of the top federation in wrestling today... ladies and gentlemen... Shane...... MCMAHON!!!

(Oh... my... God. "Here Comes the Money" hits, and the crowd is actually... cheering? What the... And there he is! The man that's defeated Vincent Kennedy himself. Here come da Money, honey! Shane McMahon, the ORIGINAL Shane-o-mac, sprints down to the ring, and leaps inside, bouncing up and down, swingin' those arms, jukin' and jivin' like only he can.... and the handshake! Shane and Shane! At last! Yes, of course, it doesn't make any sense, but does it really matter? This is a boy's dream come true... and this... this is the return. But not just of the sWo. No... of the truly best federation on the net today... the federation started over 2 years ago... Back... with a vengeance. There's no escaping the wrath of the shane's, and their World order. This is it.)

(This is WCWF... Ressurected.)

(Goodnight.)