WSE 24/7 : May 01st, '09 - June 26th, '09

[THE Mac Bry v2]

has been cancelled.

:: R.I.P. ::

Friday, May 1st, 2009 - Friday, June 26th, 2009

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Foreward to Foreward to Foreward:
==========================

Well, I was searching through my files yesterday, after I got through saving some pages from Geocities... and I stumbled upon the first version of World Sports Entertainment. It used the same 24/7 method I'm planning on implementing into the current WSE. This WSE material you're about to read was written back in 2007, when I was also writing a column for a forum dedicated to the game WWF No Mercy. The column, Chinlocked and Loaded, can now be found in one of the stickies here on the sub-forum.

I'm hoping that this old work will fuel my motivation to begin anew with the 2009 model of WSE... I'll be trying my best to make this work. I just hope some of you stick with me as I try something new, and maybe it will generate new interest in this project. Any feedback will be, as always, appreciated, but I'm no longer craving it. Or atleast, I'm going to try and make sure that it's not the reason I'm doing this. As I said 2 years ago in the following "Foreward to Foreward", I want to do this simply because I ENJOY doing it. When I stop loving to write... I stop writing. Simple as.

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Foreward to Foreward:
=================

For some reason, the original version of this thread was deleted. To make it clear, I am doing this because I enjoy it. And in fact, not only do I enjoy it, but I know for a fact now that others enjoy it, as Meteora himself has stated to me that he found the original, John Semen, segment entertaining. So whether other people care for it or not, I couldn't really give a damn. To any of those who have nothing more to say than "Too long" or "Didn't read", well, to put it quite simply...

Fuck off.

Thanks.

p.s. - Seeing as how ALL posts related to WSE will be kept to this one thread, I really don't see how this could bother anyone. If it's really that bothersome, then instead of completely deleting this, post the reason for it being so annoying, put it in the trash bin, and I'll handle it from there. Thanks.

p.s.s. - Just in case you're wondering, the reason this post is so long is because it's a combination of all three posts I've done so far. The first two, as well as the third one I was about to post when I found the original thread to be deleted. And now... WSE: 24/7...

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Foreward:
=======

When I first thought of doing a weekly column, I thought of doing a parody of online wrestling reviews. But soon, I thought that, as I've said, I want to do something I'll have fun with. Something I'll enjoy doing. And something I've always wanted to do. And so, I finally came upon the idea that I would create a sort of 'e-fed' that would hold events any hour of the day, any day of the week, sometimes seemingly, as in the federation's motto, "24/7". I know alot of you, perhaps half of you or more, won't really care much for this idea, but I also know there will be some of you that will enjoy it. And I know for a fact that I will. In the end, that's all that really matters.

There will be, at start, 32 members on the roster. And there will be 25 titles. Think of it as giving everyone a chance at a belt. Hey, ECW has one title. So this way, there's more to shoot for. The company is owned by Chairman, Reeve Gordon, and his security force known as "The Industry": Gates, Niles, and Jennings. The commentary booth is watched over by Good Ol' BJ, Ben Joss, and his partner, Joey Mild. And as for the roster, it is comprised of such wrestling greats as John Semen... the UndeadBaker... RX Punk... and Mr USA, with wife Karen USA.

So, I present to you WSE, in this one thread, which will constantly be updated as occurences... occur. As titles change hands, epic battles are had, and alliances are formed.

"World Sports Entertainment - 24 hours a day, 7 days a week... whether you like it or not."

===============================================

- Jockstrap, New Jersey -

- Corner of Rod Street and Balls Avenue -

- Hotdog stand outside Dick Johnson's Penis Emporium -

Hotdog Vendor: Git'cha hot dogs hee-yah! Hot dogs, big, long, fat, THICK hotdogs! Stuck in a bun and ready to shove into that hole ah yours! May or may not include penis...

[Suddenly, "Drop it like it's Mildly Warm", by 10 Cent hits on the hot dog cart's portable stereo. Into the scene steps a white man in a baby blue basketball jersey, with the number '69' plasterd across, along with a neck dangling with assorted chains and various other 'bling-bling'. He wears a pair of baggy shorts, hanging loosely, showing off his 'Superman' boxers. His shoes are a pair of Wal-Mart brand sneakers. His hair is spiked, surrounded by a visor, flipped upside down and turned around. Each of his fingers is slipped through a ring, with a letter carved into them, spelling out "S.P.E.R.M. L.Y.F.E.". The man saunters toward the vendor, with a swagger in his step, as he throws up a few "gang signs", or atleast, what can only be presumed to be gang signs, as they hardly resemble anything in particular.]

John Semen: YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO, YO... yo. Boyeee, wassap, wassap, wassap in the HIZ-ouse?!

Vendor: Er... huh? ... Ya wanna hotdog, mack?

John Semen: Dawg, you can take that hotdog, shine it up real nice, turn that sucka sideways, and stick it, straight up, ya roody poo, candy, jabroni, baloney IZ-AZZ!!! And dat there's fah real, yo!

Vendor: That couldn't possibly be comfortable... Of course, I've always had this dream in the back of my mind...

John Semen: WHAT!

Vendor: I've always dreamed of taking a hotdog...

John Semen: WHAT!

Vendor: Putting on a little ketchup...

John Semen: WHAT!

Vendor: Some mustard...

John Semen: WHAT!

Vendor: A little bit ah relish...

John Semen: WHAT!

Vendor: And shoving it up my ass. Nice and tight.

John Semen: ... What? ... Damn, yo... that's some sick shit right durr. Yallz a sicko, knaw mean? You might wanna talk to a shrink ah sumpin'...

Vendor: YOU KNOW WHAT'S SICK?! It's people like you, that come into a nice, god fearin' city like this hee-yah city ah Jockstrap, capice? And ya talk down tah people whooz all they wanna do is stick hotdogs up they-ah asses. Damn you! DAMN... YOU... STRAIGHT... TO... HELL!!!

John Semen: G... homie... PLAYA'. You wanna run yo' mouth... you wanna run yo' mouth 'bout how the Semen is "talking down" to yallz. Well dawg... it's time. It's time. It's time, that the Semen, layeths the spermeth downeth on-eth yo' ass-eth! It's time the Semen stomps a cum-hole in yo' azz and walks that damn thang DRY! I've walked through valleys, climbed mountains, swam through oceans, and made small children scream my name! But, uh... not in the 'Michael Jackson touches little kids' kinda way, yo. The way that only the Semen can! ... And uh, not THAT semen, yo. THE Semen. JOHN Semen. Cuz dammit man, the JIZZ... is... HERE!!! Now give me a hell yeah!

Vendor: HELL-

[Suddenly, Semen hits his move, the Fuck You, through the hot dog cart, sending ketchup, mustard, relish, hot dog buns, and what may or may not be a bunch of dicks. The Vendor is covered in condiments, bread, and tasty penis goodies, as John Semen brushes off his shoulder, and takes off. A drunkard walks by... unzips... and begins pissing all over the destroyed Vendor... as the camera fades to black.]

- cut -

===============================================

"u tink u cun tall uz wutt 2 doo/"

[The screen is black... except for a hot pink 'X']

"u thank u kin till uss woot 2... uhh... doo??? c"

[For a split second, the 'x' is replaced by the word 'job'. ... Before the camera opens to the Pubic Hair Silver Dome, in Ba-donk-a-donk, New Jersey. A stage is set up in front of a giant screen, and atop the stage stand two men, with their backs turned to the camera. One speaks into a microphone...]

"den u bittr git rudy................ 2 boww 2 d misterz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~1 cc"

[The other man speaks into his microphone.]

"BRICK ITT DAWN_222!!!!1"

[The men suddenly turn around, and reveal themselves. One has a pair of pants on, covered in compact mirrors used for applying make-up, along with broken pieces of other mirrors, and a slightly big mirror on his crotch area, almost the size of a head. He has exactly two, long, strands of hair, which are both tied together in a 'ponytail', trying to complete the impossible mission of making it appear as though the guy has enough hair to even warrant a ponytail. And around his neck is an oversized cross with the letters "WWHBKD". The man standing next to him is wearing a pair of black wrestling trunks, with a picture of the face of Elvis "The King" Presley on the front. A warning sticker is placed over his thigh, reading "Fragile. Handle with Care." His nose... perhaps the largest honker in the game. It's why he has earned the name "The Cerebrel Shnozzolla". He pours a bottle of dirty tap water all over his long, brown, greasy hair, before pouring some in his mouth, and immediately spitting it back up, wiping his tounge with his hand to get the taste out. Both men wear a black shirt, with the words "D-Jobberation X" on the front, and the words "We Got Four Words For Ya: Pin Us... Pay Us."]

Triple X: lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll... ladeez n gintull min!!!! d-jobberashun x prowdlee brungs 2 u trippel x n xbk ..... da nexx WSe tahgg teem champinz o da wurrrrrllllll!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n iv u nawt don wit dat wee gottz to wurdzz 4 yuzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-

XBK: FUCK UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!@

Triple X: ........... noo... datz nawt d rite 1../ letttz tri 1 moor tym..... wee gawt toow whoredz fore yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-

XBK: lol. i fukkd upp.... ok wayt a sek. ............... SUK MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~$ ?

Triple X: .................... close enuff

[Triple X and XBK walk down to the ring, as the dozens and dozens of fans in attendance go to get food and drinks [doesn't this arena hold, like, 100,000 people? Jeez, there's only like 20 or so here... Maybe I shouldn't be blurting that out...] D-JX climb into the ring and take to the posts, holding their arms up in the 'X' sign, before tossing their shirts into the crowd... or atleast where the crowd WOULD be... Ring announcer, Max Jackson begins the introductions...]

Max: Llllladies, and gentlemen. The following contest is scheduled for ONE fall, and is for the SmackRaw? Tag Titles. Introducing first, at a combined weight of Who Really Give's a Rat's Ass, they hail from the beautiful state of Alabama. ... Beautiful? ... Ok... anyway... Triple X... XBK. Together, they are... D... Joberration... Xxx!!! AND... their opponents. Hailing from Dingdong, West Wisconsin... they are the former ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWWF UnderWeight Tag Team Champions, and former members of DeathROH, they are... Brian "Buckwheat" Kendrickson and Paul "Froggy" Londonricks... The Lil' Raskalz!!!

[The theme from 'The Little Rascals' plays on the PA, as the audience [what little there is] actually come alive, if for nothing else, the fact that a couple of guys called 'Buckwheat' and 'Froggy' HAVE to be more entertaining than the pair of jobbers in the ring. The entrance curtains part, and two men begin running out and down the rampway, both in knee-length shorts, a vest, and a face mask... one man, with white skin, wearing a lime green variant of the attire, along with a head of lime green, stringy hair... the other man, with black skin, wearing a jet black variant of the attire, his hair sticking up as if he's been electrocuted.]

['The Lil' Raskalz' slide into the ring, the ref immediately signals for the bell, and Triple X and XBK are pounded into the ground by the exciting, agile, young tag team. 'Buckwheat' pulls XBK up by his hair, what little there is, before whipping him into the ropes. When XBK returns, 'Buckwheat' leaps into the air, and snaps off a quick hurricanrana, sending XBK flying to the outside ring area. 'Froggy' hits a DropSault to Triple X's chest, sending him to the outside, to join his partner. In the ring, both members of 'The Lil' Raskalz' spring off the opposite set of ropes, before heading full speed toward the ropes by D-JX... and the 'Raskalz' flip over the top rope, simultaneously, before crashing right into Triple X and XBK, leaving all four men in a heap.]

['Buckwheat' is the first to his feet. He drags XBK, by the arm, over to the post. After lining up XBK's body just right, with his head next to the post, 'Buckwheat' heads to the apron... before charging forth, flipping in the air backwards, and nailing a PERFECT shooting star press, knocking the air clean out of XBK. 'Froggy' heads up to the apron, and then the top of the post, before lifting a forefinger to the heavens... he points at XBK's carcass, before flying into the air... and bringing himself down upon XBK with his patented 720 FrogSplash on the outside.]

[Meanwhile, 'Buckwheat' rolls Triple X into the ring, and as Triple X gets to his feet, he turns around, and before he can even tell what's going on, 'Buckwheat' launches himself toward 'The Cerebral Shnozzola'... but somehow, perhaps using the ring technique of his massive trunk, Triple X catches 'BW'. Triple X backs up a couple of steps, positioning himself in the center of the ring, before looking out at the audience, who boo loud enough for X to hear them... Suddenly, they begin cheering, as they see who's headed for Triple X... Trips himself looks up, and finds 'Froggy' leaping toward Triple X with a flying senton, and as 'Froggy's' back collides with that of his friend and tag partner, the two run into Triple X, and the weight of both men brings Triple X toppling to the mat, 'Buckwheat' still on top. 'Froggy' calls for the ref to make the count...]

1...

2...

3!!!

Max Jackson: Your WINNERS... and first EVER WSE SmackRaw? Tag Team Champions of the World... Brian 'Buckwheat' Kendrickson and Paul 'Froggy' Londonricks... the Lil' Raskalz!!!

[Paul and Brian are handed the titles, as they kneel on the canvas, holding the belts tightly to their chests. Triple X has rolled to the outside, where he and XBK are nursing their wounds, and weeping about their loss...]

[... the first of many.]

- cut -

===============================================

[As soon as D-Jobberation X limp backstage, and 'Buckwheat' and 'Froggy' are on the ramp, Chairman Reeve Gordon appears on the SportsEntertainmentTron [SE-Tron], with an evil grin.]

Reeve: Gentlemen. I see you are holding those newly won SmackRaw? tag titles in your grubby little hands. Well, I wouldn't cozy up to them JUST yet... you see, I've just placed you in a match, against THE greatest champion of all time... a former Olympic Patty Cake Gold Medalist! He IS America! He IS Sports Entertainment. He is... Mr... U... S... A!!!

[Paul and Brian look at the screen rejectedly, before turning around and heading to the ring, and as they make their way inside, they both look at their titles... before handing them over to the ref. They look back at the entrance, and find Reeve still on the SE-Tron.]

Reeve: The good news? You'll be facing him, one on two, handicap style. The bad news? Not only is it for the straps, but if you lose? Well...

Reeve: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOU'RE... SSSSSSSSSUSPENDED INDEFINITELYYY!!! Now hit the damn music!

["Red, White, and Blue" by Lynyrd Skynyrd plays on the PA, as a man steps out through the curtains, dressed in the colors of the country he represents so proudly. His tank top is blue, with a single white star in the midde... his tights, striped with red and white... his hands are fit in a pair of red gloves, his feet, shoved into a pair of white boots, and his face, covered by a blue mask, cut off beneath the nose, and painted over by another single white star. His head is entirely bald, and around his neck is the gold medal he received for Olympic Style Patty-Cake [Best of 5 rules, using the Skandanavian play book]. Mr. USA stands on the ramp... looks down at the stage... before throwing his head back, and his fists in the air, as fireworks go off all around, as though it's the 4th of July. Or, if you're not in the United States, uh... well, if you're Chinese, there's the Chinese New Year. I guess noone else has fireworks. Must suck to be everyone besides the U.S. ... and China. ...]

[Mr. USA saunters casually down the aisle, as Paul and Brian take in a simultaneous gulp. It's obvious now that they're dead meat.]

Paul: But, hey... atleast we've got eachother. Right, Brian? ... Brian?

['Froggy' turns to his left... his right... before turning around, and sees 'Buckwheat' running through the bleachers, and toward the exit, leaving 'Froggy' all by his lonesome. Paul looks back toward the entrance... just in time to receive a fist to the jaw from USA. Paul shoots into the air and crashes to the canvas, actually performing a shooting star press in mid-air. Now THAT'S selling! Er... anyway, Mr. USA grabs the microphone from Max.]

USA: After seeing "The Shame", Triple X, stink up the ring, along with his butt buddy, I've had a little idea for our match. Let's make this a 'Husband and Wife' BEATDOWN!!! As Trips himself might say... It's time to Job to the Olympic Gold Medalissssstttttt!!! AND his wife! And THAT'S fah real! DAMN fah real!

[Mr. USA's wife, Karen USA, walks down to the ring, steps in, and with Paul still KO'ed from that one punch from the Pro Patty Cake-er, Karen pins Paul Londonricks... getting the

1...

2...

Good ol' Ben Joss: KICKOUT! KICKOUT! BUCKWHEAT JUST KICKED OUT!!!!!

Joey Mild: OH MY GOD!!!

Good ol' Ben Joss: BAH GAWD... oh, no he didn't. Sorry 'bout that. Karen pinned the now former champion, and now, her husband holds both SmackRaw? tag titles.

Joey Mild: OH MY GOD!!! I just found a quarter!!!

[Karen hugs Mr. USA, before the ref hands the 'American Hero' his new titles. One man. Two titles. Two TAG titles. Won through his wife pinning one half of the former champs, while the other half is probably somewhere in Kalamazoo by now...]

- Meanwhile, in Kalamazoo -

Brian 'Buckwheat' Kendrickson: It's called a STRIP CLUB. Got a problem with that? Jeez...

- cut -

===============================================

- The Eternal Hellish Pit of Vile Deep Cold Sinister Evil Which Consumes All Light Transforming All That Is Good Into Nothing But Darkness and Despair, Ohio -

- Wednesday, October 24th, 2007 -

- 2:22 pm -

...

[The camera opens upon the outside of a shop. Above the door there hangs a sign, in blood red letters...]

"The Bakery of Darkness"

[What horrible, terrible, deathly things may hold their prescence behind the entrance door? What gruesome, grisly, creepy-]

Hotdog Vendor: GIT-cha hotdogs hee-yah! Nice, thick, FAT hot dogs, long as a penis! May or may not contain penis.

[And there appears to be a hotdog vendor outside the bakery. The exact same vendor from Jockstrap, New Jersey, who was pulverized through his cart, is shilling his weiners here in Ohio. Say, vendor, what exactly makes your hotdogs so special that you'd sell them all the way from here to New Jersey?]

Vendor: Well, first, I take a nice, fat pig. Then, I chop its dick off. Then-

[Ooo-kay, time for us to head inside the bakery.]

...

"Ahna naka... dough-cley, strudel redemptay. The bread may rise... and as the bread rises, so does..."

[We open to the inside of the Bakery of Darkness... where behind his counter, there stands...]

"The UndeadBaker."

[We find a man, arms covered in tattoos, his hair, long and brown, his mouth surrounded by a grizzly goatee, and his neck, tattooed with the name "Sara-Lee" with a tiny 'trademark' symbol next to it. He wears nothing but black clothing. Black boots with crosses painted on the sides, formed by two loaves of bread... A pair of black leather pants... A couple of black, padded, fingerless gloves... He wears a black chef's hat with purple trim, and a cooking apron; black, with the words stitched across in purple, "Kiss the Korpse". The man stares, coldly, into the camera... before a bell is heard.]

[The man heads off screen, before returning with a three-layer cake, which he places on the counter. The UndeadBaker, as he is known, removes a squeeze-tube of red icing from beneath the counter, and pours onto the chocolate cake... using the icing to spell out three words. He looks into the camera, as he sets down the tube.]

"When you reach into your immortal soul, and secure the flour of the Gods of Baking... you shall know. As the sins of a thousand Donut Demons fester, wither up, and die... you shall know. As the one who shall not be named fills his pie with cherry, apple, and pecan... you... shall... know."

"Ashes to ashes."

"Muffins to muffins."

[The camera slowly zooms into the face of the UndeadBaker, as his eyes roll into the back of his skull... before the camera turns downward, and fades out on the image of the cake's three words, written in blood red icing...]

- rest... in... yeast -

===============================================

Hotdog Vendor: Git-cha weinahs hee-yah! Nice, big ol', fat, long, thick, HARD weinahs. Shove 'em in ya mouth, and let 'em slide right down! God, I love this job.

[We open to Ash Hohll Arena, in downtown New York City, New Mexico. Our hero, the Hotdog Vendor, is seen coming down the aisle, handing out hotdogs to various audience members. If ever there were a man who loved his job, this is that man. Traveling from New Jersey, to Ohio, to New Mexico, the Hotdog Vendor has appeared so many times in the midst of WSE action, that he could be declared an honorary member of the roster.]

[Back down at ringside, "No Pants at All" by Dopey hits on the PA...]

"No Pants, that's what I got. When I head out on my front lawn...
Wearing underpants, cuz my trousers are all gone.
Naked. That's how my lower half feels...
When I walk out in the cool air outside, I always get the chills, because I got-

NO PANTS!!! No pants at all, I've got-
NO PANTS!!! No pants at all."

[The Chairman of the Bored, Reeve Gordon, heads out through the curtains, flanked by his henchmen, the Industry - Gates, Niles, and Jennings. Reeve stands on-stage, in a black suit, red dress shirt, and a black tie, as his long, wavy, white hair flows in the air. He stares down at the ring through his black sunglasses, with red lenses... before he walks forward, his three security guards following behind. As he makes it to the ring, he steps up the staircase, and steps into the ring, through the top and middle ropes, and grabs a microphone. Gates, Niles, and Jennings stand around Reeve... Gates at his right, overlooking the right side of the ring, Niles at his left, overlooking the left side of the ring, and Jennings behind Reeve, overlooking all that is behind his boss. Reeve stares at the crowd... almost looking for someone...]

Reeve: Ladies and gentlemen... I wish to welcome you all, officially, to World Sports Entertainment. WSE has been in operation for almost a week now, but I haven't yet had a chance to properly introduce you to my favorite person in the world... myself. I am... Reeve Gordon. Chairman of WSE, and leader of these three burly men who stand at my sides. I am a multi-billionaire, and former legend in the ring... now, the most successful man outside of it. And tonight... I crown WSE's second champion. With Mr. USA as our SmackRaw? tag champs, I believe we should find our first SINGLES champion. And it is with that, I introduce the two competitors who shall be squaring off to determine the first ever... Extremely Tepid, Non-lethal, Softcore, 24/7 Champion! First, all the way from Punjabi, Indiana... Great, Big, Tall, Indian Guy Who Can't Wrestle That Well... aka; BOB!!!

["Agahfa Wooja Burraloppah" by A Bunch of Guys Who Talk Like They Have Marbles in their Mouth, plays, and a small, brown skinned man, who resembles Vince Russo, comes out through the curtains... followed by a VERY tall, brown-skinned man, with long black hair, a beard, and wearing no shirt, a pair of black, silk pants, and two black boots, curled at the toes. The Great Bob walks, very slowly, to the ring, as the small man, who we'll refer to as Punjabi-Ru, leads his man to the ring. As the two come to the ring, Punjabi-Ru rolls in under the bottom rope, and shakes hands with Reeve. The Great Bob steps over the top rope efortlessly, and as he stands in the ring, he lifts his mighty arms high into the air, bellowing heavily.]

Reeve: Welcome, Great Bob, Punjabi-Ru. Bob... your opponent is a legend, here in WSE. He has traveled up and down the great roads of this country, plying his trade... he is...

[Reeve looks toward the stands, where he sees who he was looking for earlier. ...]

Reeve: THE HOTDOG VENDOR!!!

[HDV drops the weiner he's carrying and looks, terrified, down at the ring. Reeve quickly has Gates, Niles, and Jennings rush up, grab HDV by the arms, and drag him down to the ring. As they toss him inside, each member of the Industry stands at a side of the ring, including Reeve, to insure that the Vendor is not able to make it out of the ring. Reeve, standing on the side closest to the entrance, speaks into his microphone.]

Reeve: Bob... SICK HIM!!!

[Punjabi-Ru rolls out of the ring, standing side by side with Reeve, and removes a chocolate bar from his pocket... a Butterfinger, in fact. The brown-skinned guy who resembles Vince Russo calls for The Great, Big, Tall, Indian Guy Who Can't Wrestle That Well... and when he grabs his attention, Punjabi-Ru snaps the candy bar in half, sending Bob into a rage. Guess he really, really likes candy bars...]

[Bob turns his furious glare to the Vendor, and hooks both of his meaty paws around the smaller man's throat. Bob lashes out wildly, but nothing he can do can even phase the mammoth of a man. Bob tosses the Vendor down like a ragdoll, before walking toward his fallen body... Bob roughly steps onto the Vendor's chest, before stepping across the poor man's abdomen. Once on the other side, Bob rolls the Vendor over on his stomach, and slaps on a hold never before seen in a wrestling ring; The DREADED Ass Claw. Grabbing the Vendor by the ass, The Great Bob shows amazing strength by bringing the Vendor high into the air, and setting him on his feet, still clawing at his ass. The Vendor slowly loses energy, and his arms dangle before him, as his head bows, staring with glazed over eyes at the mat. The Ass Claw saps every bit of strength that HDV has been able to muster... all looks lost for the HotDog Vendor... until...]

*fraaap*

[HDV farts. Yes, farts. Passes gas. Breaks wind. Cuts the cheese. HDV farts on Bob's hand, and the big boy removes his claw, holding it with his other hand, looking at it as if it had been shot at.]

The Great Bob: AAAAAAAAAAAGHAMA!!! DU-FAH, LOOFAH, JOOJOOBEE!!!

[The Vendor takes one of his signature hotdogs out of his pocket, and tosses it at Bob... who catches the hotdog, holding it out in front of him, staring at it as if he doesn't really know what to make of it. Guess they don't have many hotdogs where he's from... HDV suddenly flips high into the air, and hits a roundhouse kick, into the 'dog, sending it smacking Bob in the face, with a move HDV likes to call "The HotDogInator". The Great Bob is sent crashing and burning on the ground, falling from his feet as if a great oak tree from it's roots. HDV looks out at the audience, many of them pointing up, signaling for HDV's greatest manuevre...]

[HDV hops onto the turnbuckle closest to Bob... he takes out two hotdogs, and uses them to point at himself, 3 times, mouthing the letters - H...D...V. Before... he leaps.]

Joey Mild: OH-MY-GODDD!!!

Good ol' BJ: As God as my witness, that chocolate bar was broken in half!!! ... The one that Punjabi-Ru had? Remember? He broke it in half. ... Nevermind...

Joey Mild: OH MY GOD!!! I left the stove on!!!

[HDV hits his patented "5 Star HotDog Splash", holding on for the pin... and getting the-

1...
2...
3!!!

[HDV rolls off, and lies on his back, lifting a fist into the air. The referee hands over the ETNS 24/7 title, which HDV takes, and holds tightly to his chest, still lying on the mat.]

[Reeve speaks into the microphone, with his security force in front of him.]

Reeve: HDV!!! You may have won that belt, but REMEMBER, it is the official WSE 24/7 title, which means anyone, at anytime, can attack you, anywhere around the world, and TAKE that title away from you! So if I were you? I'd watch my damn back, because while you may be a part of the roster now that you have that title, if you ever... EVER lose it? Well... you'll be-

SSSSSSUSPENDED INDEFINITELYYY!!!

[Reeve stomps to the back, followed by Gates, Niles and Jennings. HDV kneels beside the ropes, holding onto the top one with his right hand, and holding the ETNS 24/7 title to his chest with the other. As the camera fades out, the audience is heard chanting-

"H-D-V! H-D-V! H-D-V!"

- cut -

==================
May 01st, 2009
==================

[The camera opens to an Italian resteraunt in downtown Nowhere, Oklahoma. The name on the sign reads "The Mario Brotherz Pizza Place and Arcade"... and inside, three men sit at a table, sipping generic soda from glasses, chewing on stale pasta, and chatting over an unknown topic. Each man wears a suit and tie... well, one of them wears a gold medal in place of a tie, and is bald. One man is chubby, unshaven, and his "suit" is actually just a plain white t-shirt with the word 'Suit' scrawled across with a Sharpie. And the other man is the only one who entirely fits the description. He wears a pair of sunglasses... with his hair in a crewcut.]

HollyRock: Can the HollyRock's partners believe that these stupid glasses set the HollyRock back FIFTY smackers?!

Cactus: Nope.

Wright: I'M A WRASSLIN' MACHINE!!!

HollyRock: Well, good, because they didn't. The HollyRock was lying. Through his TEETH no less. The HollyRock was just seeing how dumb the HollyRock's new partners were. And it seems as though they're not. Dumb that is.

Wright: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! HAHAHA!!!

HollyRock: ... The HollyRock isn't so sure about you yet. You frighten HollyRocky... The HollyRock might have to get a restraining order or two layed smack down on your roody jew poody cabroody looney tooney ass.

Cactus: HollyRock, Wright, I called the two of you here to discuss the latest member of the Glass Ceiling Gang.

HollyRock: Really? HollyRocky thought you brought us here to play Pac-Man 2K9. The HollyRock hears that Pac Man has a bazooka, and hunts blood thirsty zombies! And goes into stealth missions, and drag races, and commits grand theft auto! The HollyRock was ready to check into Test Drive and Hogan's Alley!

Wright: WOOO! I'll break Pac Man's damn ankle!

HollyRock: ... The HollyRock believes Pac Man doesn't have an ankle TO break. Pac Man being nothing more than a yellow circle with a piece missing after all...

Wright: I'm talkin' about that jackhole, Pac Man JONES! Jones, you don't have any BALLS! You need some BALLS! Grow some BALLS! BALLS, BALLS, BALLS!

HollyRock: ... Who's Pac Man Jones?

Wright: BALLS!!!

Cactus: Alright already guys, I think it's time I brought in the fourth member of the NEW Glass Ceiling Gang...

["Basik Ekonomix" by John Semen plays on the resteraunt speakers, and in walks... John Semen. Semen wears a buncha bling, a throw back jersey, and a goofy grin.]

John Semen: Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, YO! Wassap!

Cactus: Wassap!

Semen: Wassap!

Cactus: Wassap!

Semen: Wassap!

Cactus: Wassap!

Semen: Wassap!

Cactus: Wassap!

Semen: Wassap!

Cactus: Wassap!

Semen: Wassap!

Cactus: Wassap!

Semen: Wassap!

Cactus: Wassap!

Semen: Wassap!

Cactus: Wassap!

Semen: Wassap!

Cactus: Wassap!

Semen: ...

Cactus: ...

HollyRock: The HollyRock says... what in the GREEN green grass was THAT?!

Cactus: Take a seat Semen!

[Semen picks up a chair.]

Cactus: ... Are you retarded?

Semen: WHAT'S REALLY HOOD?!

[Semen tosses the chair across the room and it smacks Wright right in the face. Wright immediately leaps to his feet and... locks the Ninety Degree Angle Lock in on the chair's "leg". ... This is sad.]

HollyRock: The HollyRock says you ain't kiddin'...

Semen: Yo, yo, yo, lemme spit on this!

[Semen hocks up a loogie, before spitting on HollyRock's lasagna.]

HollyRock: [stares down at his plate... covered in spit] ... The HollyRock says... THAT'S IT!

[HollyRock stands up, and flips the table over, knocking everything set upon it to the ground. HollyRock storms off, and out through the pizza place / arcade's front door. Wright Angle still has the chair in the ankle lock, trying desperately to break its non-existant ankle. Semen throws up a few "gang signs", while Cactus ManLove is simply left shaking his head.]

Cactus: And THIS is the "pinnacle" of the company? I knew I should have stuck to wrestling squids back in Japan...

|ad for Man vs Octopus - Ultimate Kalimari Fighting Championship -



- end ad|

=========================
FlashBack: May 02nd, 2009...
Brawlers on a Budget Presents...
Gluttons for Punishment 2!
=========================

--------------------------------------------------
Note: Whoever got the most eliminations in the match became Swiss Army champion... and so we begin.
--------------------------------------------------

...fast forward...

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

HONK!

["Sweat Pants in Hell" plays. The crowd boos.]

NH: Introducing next, this is Viruz!

Styles: Viruz, a former BOBster and now a member of the World Sports Entertainment.

SW: Viruz? Didn't he die?

Styles: I don't remember.

SW: Kill him again!

SMACK! SMACK! SMACK! SMACK!

Styles: And he's brought laptop shots for all.

SW: Tell him to go to the bar and get me some real shots, then maybe we can talk.

Styles: Viruz Scan! The dragon sleeper locked in on Trable. But that leaves him wide open for a shitkick from Scatman!

SW: And The Great just grabbed Viruz's laptop!

CRACK!

Styles: Viruz feeling some "pain-tium" after that one.

SW: Who wrote that joke? Yikes.

Styles: Regardless, Viruz is in some HP now: Hardcore Pain.

SW: Enough with the laptop puns.

Styles: CD on Viruz! Now The Great has him. Twist of Great! British Fantastic ready now.

BMF: I say, what's my finisher?

The Great: A polite splash?

BMF: Sounds jolly good! I say, old bean, you wouldn't mind if I splash you, would you?

Viruz: *Gurgle*

Styles: Polite Splash! Now everyone's dragging the WSE member toward the corner.

SW: Stinkface time! Yes!

Styles: There it is! Viruz is going ass to mouth!

SW: Nothing new for him.

.........................................................................

["Holy Wars" by Megadeth.]

Styles: Jerri Li! Oh man, she didn't get the luck of the draw here. After just competing in that amazing ladder match, now she's coming into this Rumble at number six!

SW: And she's got a cheese grater.

Styles: Everyone's waiting for Jerri to get in. She goes after Viruz.

THUNK!

Styles: Cheesegrater shot! And there goes Viruz!

SW: But Viruz lost his laptop. And Scatman has it now to replace his broken false teeth weapon.

CRACK!

Styles: And Trable takes that shot.

SW: A shit shot.

Styles: OHMYGOD! Cheese grater to the balls! And British Mr. Fantastic gets dumped!

SW: Wow! That's TWO elimination for Jerri already! She's on her way to that Swiss Army Belt.

Styles: We'll see, there's still a long way to go.

.........................................................................

["Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears hits.]

NH: Introducing next, Steel Chair!

[Steel Chair, as is the norm of late, rappels in from the ceiling, making the crowd pop briefly. However, all the wrestlers are down, so nobody takes it off the zip line.]

Styles: Steel Chair is just hanging out I guess.

SW: Steel Chair doesn't have a weapon?

Styles: I think it's its own weapon.

SW: Ah. Huh?

Styles: Jerri's up first. She grabs Steel Chair.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Scatman: I thought we were…*falls over*

Styles: Jerri was so excited to have the chair that she hit everybody, even her own Fetish Freaks stablemate!

SW: Yeah, but he probably got off on it. He's a sick freak.

Styles: And Jerri tosses Steel Chair out!

NH: Ladies and gentlemen! The winner of one of the Not Good Enough to Fight Alone Tag Team Titles, Jerri Li!

Styles: Jerri just won a title! And she's eliminated EVERYBODY so far.

SW: Including Sarah!

Styles: *Grumbles*

.........................................................................

["Mr. Self-Destruct" by Nine Inch Nails hits. The crowd is indifferent to the extreme jobber.]

NH: Introducing next, the Human Foreign Object!

Styles: HFO heading around the ring. He's got Steel Chair. His mentor! They're reunited and it must feel so good for HFO.

SW: Steel Chair is already eliminated, but now he's in as a weapon, right?

Styles: Sounds right. HFO winds up, but misses Trable. OH MAN! CD for HFO on the ladder! Damn! Trable drags HFO to the nearest corner and gets on the second rope. He's about to rain down some some chain-wrapped fists.

Crowd: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

HONK!

Pete: Dafxupwitdat?

Styles: No! It isn't time yet! That was a count UP, not a count down.

SW: Our crew is so easily confused.

Styles: Scatman's got Trable! Powerbomb on the ladder!

Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!

Styles: HFO charges toward the corner.

HFO: ARRRRGH~!

THUD!

SW: Let me guess…Scream in the Wind?

Styles: And it just connected on Scatman. Hey! Viruz is back in! He's got his laptop.

CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!

Styles: Shots for Jerri, Scatman and HFO. And now Viruz is leaving to boos.

Crowd: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

HONK!

["I Don't Like the Drugs (But the Drugs Like Me)" hits.]

Styles: Well isn't THIS interesting?

SW: Not really. It's just Kurt Angel.

Styles: Kurt and Viruz have a long history, and they're heading right for one another! We've got a brawl in the aisle. ANGEL SLAM ON THE FLOOR! Viruz has been wiped out. He's got Viruz's laptop now. Apparently that's HIS weapon as well?

SW: It is now.

Styles: Angel's in the ring. Heaven Suplex on Trable. Heaven Suplex for Scatman. Heaven Suplex for Jerri! Heaven Suplex on HFO!

THWUP!

Styles: The Great just NAILED Angel with that fruit cake.

.........................................................................

["Hero" by Nickelback plays.]

NH: Introducing next, Goo the Adventurer.

Styles: It's another WSE entrant. I understand he's an extreme risk-taker. A great disturbance presented itself within the land of Hyperbolithica many years ago, in the form of an evil wizard known only as 'Disgruntledorf'. The evil wizard overthrew the king, and took the throne for himself. Disgrunteldorf turned everyone into his minions, except for Goo, who was lucky enough to escape.

SW: Borrr-ing.

Styles: Goo checking on Viruz, who's just NOW getting up? Man, rough night for Viruz. I think Vi's asking Goo to go get his laptop.

SW: What's that? A plastic sword?

Styles: Yep. Here comes Goo.

SW: Said the Scotty to the hooker.

Styles: Scotty!

SW: It's funny because it's true.

Styles: Goo's hitting everyone with his plastic sword.

SW: Ahahaha, and everyone's no-selling it! WSE invasion my ass!

Styles: All seven competitors are now stomping the crap out of Goo.

SW: And possibly Scatman, but that's just by accident.

Styles: He's going to be a pile of goo if this keeps up. The Great's got him. Elimination, no! Trable tries to toss him! No! Jerri grabs Goo and tries herself. Scatman for the elimination? No! Everybody wants to make eliminations because any one of these could win them a title, and the wrestler with the most will win the Swiss Army Belt.

SW: And everybody's brawling again. And somehow, Goo is still in there.

Styles: The Great's got Goo. Goodbye, Goo! And he tosses the plastic sword down on Goo as an exclamation point.

.........................................................................

SW: I'm surprised the jobbers have lasted this long. They haven't even been on any recent iMPLOSIONS. We must be getting close to some RCGs.

Styles: RCGs?

SW: Ring-clearing guys.

Styles: Ah. Hey! Goo just got Viruz's laptop from the mat. And he's making a hasty retreat.

Crowd: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

HONK!

["This is XXXtreme" by Harry Dick & The No-Tones hits.]

NH: Introducing next, XXXtreme Machine.

Styles: And XXXtreme Machine just took out Viruz and Goo in the aisle!

XM: o kul @ lqp tpo!!!

SW: *Snort*

Styles: And now XXXtreme Machine is bringing in Viruz's laptop as HIS weapon. Stunner on Viruz! Stunner on Goo! And now XXXtreme Machine's heading to the ring.

SW: Oh man, we aren't even halfway through yet? I need this clutter removed, stat!

XM: fuk u coclat m@n!!

Styles: And XXXtreme going right after Chocolate Mr. Fantastic for some reason.

SW: He's probably pissed that a chocolate clone of another wrestler is more over than he'll ever be.

Styles: Laptop shot takes down Chocolate Mr. Fantastic. And yes, Chocolate Mr. Fantastic is now wearing the, uh, caramel mask?

SW: He should've taken some aspirin before the match. It'd thin out his caramel.

Styles: Chocolate Mr. Fantastic up top. XXXtreme Stunner coming up? No! Super atomic drop by Chocolate!

SMASH!

Styles: Bottle of rum to XXXtreme Machine's skull! Chocolate Splash! And here it comes. The. Most. Painful. Move. In sports entertainment today. The Black Pearls by Kid Pirate! Chairsault on XXXtreme connects! Kurt's got XXXtreme now. Angel's Wings!

.........................................................................

Crowd: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

HONK!

["Bleed" by Meshuggah hits.]

NH: Introducing next, [Sir Zeno]!

SW: Sir Zeno?

Styles: No, no. [Sir Zeno].

SW: Uh-oh! Check this out. He's got his sword, and he's helping Goo up.

Styles: You call THAT helping? He just stabbed him and pulled him up as if his sword were a toothpick and Goo were an hors d'ouevre.

[SZ]: (Pointing at Goo's toy) You call THAT a sword? (Stabs him) This is a sword. You know, the thing impaling you right now. *Chuckles*

Styles: Oh, cut away, cut away!

*Camera returns to the ring, where we've got…brawling.*

SW: Oh holy crap! [Zeno] just chopped off Goo's head. And now he's sticking his finger down Viruz's throat, forcing him to vomit down his neck! Oh, the horror!

Styles: I'm so glad we're not watching that right now. Though I'm sure we've traumatized everyone with eyes in the arena tonight.

SW: Styles, Viruz just vomited down Goo's gaping neck wound. You know, where his head used to be.

Styles: I get it, thanks. No need to paint me a picture.

SW: Oh, no [Zeno], no! He just cut that little flap of skin out from under Viruz's tongue. And here comes Viruz's tongue. [Zeno] is now choking Viruz with his own bloody tongue. This is so wrong.

Styles: Please stop calling that action and focus on what's happening in the ring.

SW: Oh NO! Now [Zeno] is jerking off. But his money shot? It's not a load of semen. It's wasps! Oh, and the wasps are stinging Viruz! Ooh, that's gotta hurt.

Styles: I'll take your word for it.

SW: Oh man, one of the wasps is flying around with Viruz's left eye on its stinger. Ga-ross!

Styles: Are you TRYING to make me vomit?

SW: Is it that easy?

Styles: Wait a minute. [Zeno] is in the ring. How could he be doing all that other stuff?

SW: He wasn't. I was just fucking with ya, pal!

Styles: *Sigh*

SW: Except about the part where he stabbed and killed both of them. That actually happened. Hilarious.

.........................................................................

*"Epic" by Faith No More plays.*

NH: Ladies and gentlemen, this is HollyRock.

Styles: It's time for more WSE. Oh man! You weren't kidding about Viruz and Goo getting stabbed horribly.

[SZ]: Oooh, fresh WSE meat.

Styles: Here he comes. [Zeno] charges him and swings with his sword. Misses. Blockbuster! And here it comes, the worst move in parody sports entertainment today. The Box Office Disaster. OH MY GOD!

SW: Now that's a reversal I've never seen before. A sword to the arm.

Styles: [Zeno] just tossed HollyRock for his second elimination of the match. One more and he ties with Jerri Li.

.........................................................................

Styles: Let's see who's at number 20…

Crowd: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

HONK!

["You Know You're Right" by Nirvana hits.]

SW: Oh, get ready, Styles. The match just changed completely.

Styles: It can get worse than totally sucking? This I must see!

SW: Hey!

Styles: If YOU aren't making fun of Axl anymore, that leaves me. Axl's in with his black bat, and man, he's laying people out. Oh, and he's looking for Jerri! OH MY GOD! Fisherman neckbreaker with a bat assist! That was brutal! Trable and Angel fighting up top. Axl leaps! OH MY GOD! DOUBLE SUPER SINISTER SLICE!

SW: Did I tell you or did I tell you? I got Axl ready, baby! I'm in the fucking money! Next month, Axl vs. either Kobe or SMP for the title.

Styles: He just spied Jerri once again. Shot in the Dark, but Jerri with a cheese grater low blow!

Crowd: Ohhhhh!

Styles: Goodbye momentum.

SW: Goodbye momentum? Goodbye testicles.

Styles: Great unloading on Scatman in the corner. Death and Cyborg Angelina X are in the middle of a no-selling tug of war. Literally, with her bullrope arm.

Crowd: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

HONK!

Viet Kong/Terra Rism

["Charlie's Angels Theme" by Vietallica hits.]

NH: Introducing next, Viet Kong.

Styles: Thankfully, no "Charlie" tonight, but he does have a kendo stick. And Kong goes after Cyborg Angelina X! Rice Cannon! Off the ropes. Another one! And a third eliminates Angelina!

SW: Watch out for Kurt!

Styles: Belly to belly suplex from the top? OH MY GOD! Axl just shoved Kurt and Trable to the floor! Chalk up two eliminations for your boy, Scotty.

SW: Brilliant. Axl just gave it to ya, Pete!

Styles: Jerri Li still in the lead with three eliminations, Great with 2.5, and now Axl with 2. Every elimination will be crucial as we head down the home stretch.

SW: See? If Pete wasn't so selfish, he wouldn't have had to get credit on that XXXtreme Machine elimination. Pete's in it for himself.

Styles: That's the way it's supposed to be! Jerri and Axl brawling in one corner now. Great and Kid Pirate going at it. Death and Viet Kong are battling mid-ring and Kong's kendo stick just broke after one shot on Death.

SW: Death killed a kendo stick?

Styles: Scatman's taking a breather.

Crowd: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!

HONK!

["Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life For Me)" by Jonas Brothers hits.]

NH: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Pretty Boy.

SW: Um, Styles?

Styles: Yes, Scotty?

SW: Have you noticed that the fans have been counting the wrong way for the last half-hour or so?

Styles: No. They are?

SW: I can't tell if they're dyslexic or The Flunky's holding up the wrong cue card. All I know is, the scriptwriter just realized it, and he's not going back to fix it now with cut and paste.

Styles: OK. If you say so. OH MY GOD!

SW: What?

Styles: Look!

SW: Did Viet Kong just pull an Ozzy Osbourne on Pretty Boy?

Styles: He just bit off her head!

SW: Wow. I heard she was having a contract dispute, but that seems a bit extreme.

Styles: And Pretty Boy is gone, as Viet Kong tosses her headless macaw carcass to the floor.

SW: No animals were harmed during the filming of his On-Demand. Wait, are birds animals?

Styles: Yes!

SW: Oh. Then, never mind my prior statement. Thank you!

Styles: Whoa! Axl just dumped Viet Kong, who was picking feathers out of his teeth!

SW: Yes! And he just tied Jerri for the lead while eliminating Kong, who had two eliminations.

Styles: The Great, Scatman, Jerri Li, Kid Pirate, the hardcore title belt, Death and Axl are all still in this match.

.........................................................................

NH: Introducing next, Joe Bananas!

Styles: Here comes Joe and his giant plastic banana. Joe's up! Springboard Asai moonsault takes out Jerri and Scatman! Joe quickly back out. Springboard dropkick to Death! He's got Axl! Coconut Crusher! Bananas is just flying around out there.

SW: Nobody gets as HIGH as Joe Bananas.

Styles: Yep, quite an impressive vertical leap. The Great and Scatman, entrants number two and three, now are brawling in the corner. Bananas grabs Death and Kid Pirate. Are you kidding me? Double sliced bread number two? Unbelievable! Bananas is on fire.

SW: Bananas Flambeau?

Styles: He's got Pirate and launches him. Oh, Pirate hit the top of the steel post, he went so far there. Backdrop backbreaker by Bananas!

SW: The Four B?

Styles: But Bananas turns into a Sinister Slice from Axl! Jerri has the cheese grater. Look out Axl!

SW: Oh no! Does one REALLY need a forehead?

Styles: I think we're about to find out. This is horrendous! Axl just jabbed her in the eyes.

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

HONK!

[“Zap Your Channel” by DJ Sharpnel hits.]

NH: Introducing next, Hamster Girl!

Styles: And she's bringing her own fuzzy pink ladder, as well as a novelty foam finger. She's still the hardcore champion until somebody else grabs that title hanging above the ring.

SW: She is so softcore, it isn't funny.

Styles: Twist of Great on Scatman! Jerri grabs The Great. Tombstone! But she walks into Sweet Splinters In Your Chin Music! Sinister Slice on Kid Pirate by Axl. Death has Axl. Netherworld Powerbomb! Coconut Crusher '08 for Death by Bananas! Pink mist to Bananas! Everybody's down except for Hamster Girl! Well played, ma'am!

SW: She's going to get the title!

Styles: Hamster Girl's got the ladder set up. Here she goes. But Scatman's up. He's got the ladder and Hamster Girl falls throat first onto the top rope! Scatman and Jerri now heading to the floor.

SW: It's table time!

Styles: You aren't kidding! Scatman and Jerri just pulled out, what, four, no, make that six tables. Dear lord. And they're stacking them up. Three rows of two. Bananas and Death slugging it out. Bananas whipped, but he kicks the fuzzy ladder into Death's skull. Bananas quickly climbing up the ladder now! Hold on. Axl's up the other side. Both guys trading fists, just a few inches away from the title. OH MY GOD! Axl with a sunset flip powerbomb from the top of the ladder on Bananas, a version of his Evil-ution bomb.

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

HONK!

Tia Tarr

["Enae Volare Mezzo" by Era hits.]

NH: Introducing next, Tia Tarr!

Styles: And Tia's got a trampoline. Aemoh press takes out everybody! Oh my GOD! Backflip kick on Jerri! Backflip kick on Scatman. Backflip kick for Kid Pirate. Axl caught her! OH NO! He just powerbombed her onto her trampoline on the floor. But she bounces up and lands on the apron!

SW: Bwahahaha! That was just bad luck there.

Styles: Axl charges, but here goes Tia. Multiple revolution headscissors takedown on Axl. Now she connects with the backflip kick on Axl.

.........................................................................

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

HONK!

["Snap Your Fingers, Snap Your Neck" by Prong hits.]

NH: Introducing next, Snapmare Kid.

Styles: SMK charges in. Snapmare attempt on Tia, but she lands on her feet. He tries again. Same result. A third attempt. No luck. The Great charges and clotheslines SMK to the floor! SMK is done!

SW: Oh no! And I think The Great just took the lead with 3.5 eliminations! Fuckity fuck fuck!

Styles: Rana bomb by Tia Tarr on Kid Pirate. She's heading up top. Death going after her, but he's way too slow. 900 splash! Death grabs for her, but Tia's flying around him like a hulahoop! Bulldog! Axl's got Pirate! Kid Pirate's eliminated!

SW: Back in the lead! That's four!

Styles: Bring on number 27!

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

HONK!

["Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood hits.]

NH: Introducing next, Redd W. Bloo.

Styles: Representing the WSE, it's the ultimate American patriot, Red W. Bloo. And he's got Old Glory with him.

SW: Oh no! Not that bitch who used to be BigBOSS's secretary.

Styles: No, the FLAG!

SW: That's a relief.

Styles: The WSE hasn't faired too well tonight, but without the threat of disembowelment here, let's see how this guy does. And how is The Great still in this thing. What an amazing performance tonight. Here comes Bloo. And there goes Bloo.

SW: Easiest paycheck of his life!

Styles: Jerri Li just dug the claws into his nipples and tossed him to the floor.

NH: Ladies and gentlemen… The winner of the OTHER half of the Not Good Enough to Fight Alone Tag Team Titles, Jerri Li!

SW: What?

Styles: Oh my GOD! Jerri won both tag titles all by herself? Are you kidding me? GFP2 is Jerri's night. Plus, I think she's now tied with Axl for the lead in eliminations.

SW: Shit. She is. Axl and Jerri both have four, and The Great has 3.5. That's really dangerous now, because if he gets one pin, he hops over both of them!

.........................................................................

[“Pokemolesting Dead Hamsters” by Execution hits.]

NH: Introducing next, Christian St. Christian!

Styles: And now all the Fetish Freaks are in this thing. As if they didn't have enough momentum already. Jerri and Scatman are both climbing the ladder. Uh-oh. We've got an argument about who gets the title!

SW: Christian's up top. Double stomp on Hamster Girl missed.

Styles: She rolled out of the way, and right into the ladder! Oh, but Jerri and Scatman are able to get a foot on the top rope to avoid a nasty fall through those six tables. They push back, and the ladder rights itself. Look out! Netherworld Powerbomb on Scatman! Evil-ution Bomb on Jerri! Now Death and Axl climbing up the ladder!

SW: They've got company.

Styles: Tia just climbed over Death's back. TORNADO DDT FROM THE LADDER ON AXL!

Crowd: HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!Styles: The Great's up to stop Death. SUPERPLEX! Christian grabs the ladder and puts it on top of Hamster Girl Oh no! Ultimate Crush on the ladder and Hamster Girl! It's a car wreck out here! Everybody's down!

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

HONK!

["Sweet Home Alabama" by Lynyrd Skynyd.]

NH: Introducing next, "Drunk Ass" Austin Stevens.

SW: Just what the world needs, another Austin parody. The guy hasn't been relevant in like seven years, people!

Styles: He goes for The Great. Drunk Ass Drop! No! Great shoves him away, right into Joe! And goodbye, Stevens. Bananas just sent him flying, and Bananas could still get in the running with plenty of people left to eliminate.

SW: Plus it doesn't hurt that he's the only one standing.

Styles: Right. Joe looking for the hardcore title here, actually. Can he make it up before anybody else gets up? Here comes Christian St. Christian. They're trading punches on top. Oh, what a hip toss by Bananas, and both men crash to the mat. The Great grabs the ladder.

SMACK!

Styles: Ooh, and just blasted Christian in the face. And there goes Christian St. Christian!

SW: Hey! Axl's got Tia! Oh no! Rana over the ropes!

Styles: Look at this. Both of them are hanging on by the legs and fighting upside down like bats. I've never seen anything like this before.

SW: Here comes Jerri!

Styles: And there goes Tia! Tia's eliminated! Axl quickly gets out of the way, and Jerri flies through the ropes! But she isn't eliminated, as she didn't go over the top rope.

SW: Jerri's got 5, Great's got 4.5, Axl with 4.

Styles: Death's up. He's going for Hamster Girl. Touch of Death misses. Misses again. Flying Asshole by Scatman. Scatman backs up! Death catches him in mid-air! Sideslam! Great and Axl going at it now! Look at them fight.

CRACK!

Styles: Flying ladder ends that.

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

HONK!

["Firestarter" by Prodigy hits.]

NH: Introducing next, Kevin the Pyromaniac!

Styles: And look at Kevin eyeing those tables. He's gotta be loving that.

THUNK!

SW: But not loving having that banana hit him in the nose. Hey, where's his flamethrower?

Styles: Fire department. Something about not wanting him to burn down the arena and mass casualties.

SW: Pussies.

Styles: Oh no! He has Axl's bat. He's setting it on fire! Flaming bat on Death! The ladder's on fire. THE LADDER IS ON FIRE! And Kevin's trying to climb it?

SW: Flaming cheese grater! Jerri's back. And her weapon is somehow flammable as well.

Styles: Can somebody please get a fire extinguisher out here?

[THE Mac Bry v2]

Styles: Hey! The Great just dumped Scatman! That's 5.5! The Great is in the lead for the Swiss Army Belt!

SW: Shitcuntyfucker!

Styles: Axl's got Hamster Girl! And she gets tossed! Axl tied for second with 5 eliminations. It's pretty obvious that one of these three BOBsters will get the Swiss Army Belt.

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

HONK!

["Not All Who Wander are Lost" by DevilDriver hits.]

NH: Introducing next, Trey Vincent!

Styles: Hold on. I thought Trey promised no shenanigans. How in the hell did he end up with this slot?

SW: I'd guess either extremely good luck, or extreme abuse of power.

Styles: Hold on! Death is gone! The Great just dumped Death! But Axl just superkicked Bananas out! 6.5 eliminations by The Great. 6 by Axl. 5 for Jerri. And now here comes Trey Vincent. And I think we all know who got number 32.

SW: I think we'll get a nice MegaBrawl III preview tonight.

Styles: The Great. Jerri Li. Axl. Kevin the Pyromaniac. And Trey Vincent.

SW: And don't forget that stupid title belt is still eligible. I swear, if it wins itself again, I'm quitting. Again.

Styles: Trey's in. And he's unloading on everyone with punches. Shocking Conclusion, and Jerri bounces out of the ring!

SW: Trying to impress the boss, much?

Styles: Axl charges right into a spinebuster. Kevin's climbing the ladder! And Trey's letting him?

SW: Trey just gave Kevin a thumbs up? The hell?

Styles: Vincent stomping Axl to keep him down. Kevin's got The You Gotta Be Kidding I Ain't Doing That, Are You Out of Your Frickin' Mind T&A Hardcore XX Division Title Belt! He did it!

SW: OH NO!

CA-CA-CA-CRUNCH!!!

Styles: OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD! Trey just tipped Kevin over off the ladder through the six stacked tables!

NH: Ladies and gentlemen, here is the NEWWW You Gotta Be Kidding I Ain't Doing That, Are You Out of Your Frickin' Mind T&A Hardcore XX Division Champion, Kevin the Pyromaniac!

SW: Axl!

Styles: TREY'S GONE!

SW: BWAHAHAHAHA! AXL ELIMINATED TREY VINCENT! AHAHAHAHA!

Styles: And Trey is PISSED!

[Axl collapses in the middle of the ring, exhausted.]

SW: What's the score? What's the score? What's the FUCKING SCORE!

Styles: It's, uh…7 Axl. 6.5 The Great.

SW: We may win the Swiss Army Belt AND be the number one contender? Oh hell yes!

Crowd: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!

["War" by Sick Puppies.]

NH: And the final entrant, Steve Studnuts!

Styles: And Vincent is laying in wait with his skull cane. Studnuts is laughing as he gets inside. He's got his condom filled with concrete ready. Axl's a sitting duck. OH NO! Axl moves. Kicks to the head. Sinister Slice! No! Studnuts powers Axl up. Fairy-Go-Round coming up!

CRACK!

SW: Vincent blasted Studnuts with the cane! And there goes Studnuts! Axl has just eliminated both Trey Vincent and Steve Studnuts back to back! Unbelievable.

NH: Ladies and gentlemen…the NEW Swiss Army Belt champion, Axl!

Styles: And Axl's celebrating! He thinks he's won the match.

SW: Axl! You forgot The Great! AXL!

Styles: The Great's back in. Fruit cake to Axl's face. And The Great tosses Axl! THE GREAT WINS! THE GREAT WINS! The Great is the number one contender! Oh my GOD! What a Rumble match. The Great lasted the ENTIRE match, starting at number two.

NH: Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner, and the number one contender, The Greeeeeeat!

====================================

BOB STAR WINS WSE TITLE!!!

==================
May 04th, 2009
==================

[The camera opens... to the Hell Hole. Sinister City, Utah's very own crappy, run-down, poorly lit, small fit arena. Almost like the original ECW's Hammerstein Ballroom... only far, FAR trashier.]

[Two men stand in the center of the ring, set up in the center of the arena. Two men... one, Wes Rivers, the other, Rex Winters. Both with microphones.]

Wes: Hello sports fans! Welcome to World Sports Entertainment's brand NEW home arena, the one and only "Hell Hole" in wonderful, beautiful, Sinister City, Utah!

Rex: Are you BLIND man?! This place is a DUMP! The only thing wonderful and beautiful around here is my gorgeous face... and ass!

Wes: I do NOT need to hear about your posterior, Rex...

Rex: I know, but all the lovely ladies around the world can't get enough of it! ... Too bad none of them are watching. ... Of course, none of the dudes are watching either. Friggin' Weather Channel cancelling Nitro, and forcing us to do all of our material via GeoCities. ... Wes, you do know about Yahoo closing GeoCities, right?

Wes: ... What? What do you mean? Of course they're not! GeoCities has been around for TEN YEARS! There's no chance in HELL they'd do something that foolish! Nothing that lasts for ten years could possibly...

Rex: Well, just because BOB's still around...

Wes: Who's Bob?

Rex: Not "Bob", BOB!

Wes: ... Huh?

Rex: Brawler's on a Budget! WSE's only competition! Wes, five of our own roster members competed on one of their OnDemand events only a few days ago, I'm sure you've heard of them?

Wes: Well... to tell the truth, I don't exist outside of "WSE 24/7" and our PaperViews. So, you know, the whole "Outside World" is kinda foreign to me.

Rex: Is your name Wes or Shane?

Wes: Who the hell's Shane?

Rex: Oh, nevermind...

Wes: And nevermind I will sports fans, because tonight, in THIS very ring -

Rex: Which looks about as pretty as dog vomit and smells just as good...

Wes: - our two champions will go head to head, title for title! Xtrmkor Champion, Drunk Ass Austin Stevens, will take on WSE Heavyweight Champion, HollyRock, in a no dq, no count-outs, extreme, hardcore, falls-cout-anywhere, anything goes Sinister City STREETFIGHT!

Rex: So, basically... a hardcore match.

Wes: Well, if you wanna dumb it down, I suppose.

Rex: Yeah, I know, right? Logic in the new millenium is SOOO boring...

Wes: BUT ANYWAY, this match will also be contested in an empty arena, to add to the hardcore element.

Rex: Which is kayfabe for "Chairman Jack Hoff didn't feel like paying a bunch of people to pack the seats like he usually does".

Wes: AHEM... Anyway, the Xtrmkor Champ, Drunk Ass, is standing outside the ring, at the bottom of the ramp, awaiting the arrival of the WSE Champion, HollyRock...

[The Not-The-Titan-Tron comes to life, showing the image of a helicopter flying over Hollywood... the 'copters searchlight targets in on the Hollywood sign... When suddenly, the "Wood" part of the sign is set ablaze! The fire rages, until all that's left is the word "Holly". Someone in a black tanktop and track pants uses his strength to shove up off the ground another sign... this sign is pushed into place, right next to "Holly"... and the entire sign now reads ; "HOLLYROCK". The figure in the track pants walks over to the side of the sign, pulls out a championship belt, and slings it over his shoulder. The chopper's searchlight steadies over the figure... and our camera zooms in... revealing it to be the WSE Champion, none other than HollyRock! HollyRocky arches his eyebrow, and a voiceover whispers over the speaker system in an ominous tone... ]

Speakers: ... just pooted.

[HollyRock bends over in front of the camera in the middle of the helicopter's light, and rips a juicy fart!]

Rex: ... BWAHAHAHA! I LOVE Rock's new video! It even shows the gas emitting from the back of those 50,000 dollar trackpants! HollyRock is SO much better now than when he went under "Rocky Joe-Kishi-Maga"!

Wes: Yeah, well, all I know is he stabbed each and every one of the fans in the back when he turned on "Those Guys" and became the new co-leader of The Glass Ceiling Gang. He should be ASHAMED!

Rex: You should be ashamed off that cheesy suit...

Wes: Hey! My mom always tells me I'm a sharp dresser!

Rex: Phff, heheh! Your MOM?! What, do you still live in your mom's house or something?!

Wes: No... just her basement...

Rex: HA! You are SUCH a loser, Wes! Seriously, lemme tell ya, I just moved into an apartment here in Sinister City, and while it's pretty much a fire hazard, a rat trap, and a roach motel all balled up into one nasty mess, atleast I can say I live on my own! Why, if I had to tell one of my buds I lived with my MOM... Honestly, I'm sorry Wes, but that's just...

[BAMMO!]

[Wes falls to the canvas, a victim of a shot from a black baseball bat... Rex looks at the assailant, who is dressed in black track pants, and a black t-shirt with "HollyRock" printed across the front... but the man wears a wide-brimmed, black cowboy hat, black, dark sunglasses, and a black bandanna around his mouth... so it's hard to tell if this is really Rocky...]

Rex: ... HollyRock?

[Drunk Ass rolls into the ring, and crouches into position, ready to hit the Drunk Ass Drop as soon as "Rocky" turns around... but is suddenly spun around himself.]

Rex: BLOCKBUSTER!!! And THAT'S HollyRocky! So, who in the heck is...

[The man in the hat, bandanna, and glasses rips these off and tosses them aside...]

Rex: Holy CRAP! It's BOB's Swiss Army champion, AXL!!! Brawlers on a Budget... have they just invaded WSE?!

[Axl smiles at Rex, before looking at HollyRocky. Axl and Rock bump knuckles, before Axl... Axl's going for the pin on Stevens! AND HE GETS IT! Axl has just won the Xtrmkor Title!]

Rex: Oh, dude! Axl, can I be the first member of the WSE staff to officially welcome you to the company! And may I congratulate you on your victory over Drunk Ass, and becoming the Xtrmkor champion! You're now the holder of TWO titles! Do you have any words for those at home? ... Well, whoever's bored enough to log onto GeoCities and check this garbage out?

[Axl stands up from pinning Drunk Ass, grabs the Xtrmkor title from the ref, and slings the Xtrmkor title over one shoulder, the Swiss Army over the other. Wes Rivers is STILL ko'ed, and Drunk Ass Austin Stevens has vanished because this was his last match and I decided to delete him from the roster page. Hey, like Scotty Whatbody said at Gluttons for Punishment, the world's already had enough Stone Cold parodies. It's time for the John Cena and Edge and Y2J parodies to have their time in the sun! ... Oh, and parodies of the Rock. Cuz we all know there haven't been much of THOSE!]

Rex: Uh... "The Crock" ring any bells?

[You mean the XAW version?]

Rex: No, the WWE one.

[Oh... you're sure it's not the GNA one?]

Rex: No, you know, the one that Triple H did when Rock was in the Nation of Domination?

[Hm... what about the WWECWCWWF parody?]

Rex: No, no... well, actually, come to think of it, alot of e-feds did that EXACT same gimmick...

[Yeah, you're right... well, Stone Cold is old. The Rock's STILL relevant!]

Rex: You call Return to Witch Mountain "relevant"?

[... YOU HAVE AN INTERVIEW TO DO! So DO it! Raza frackin'...]

Rex: Ahem... Axl -

[Axl grabs the microphone away from Rex, and HollyRock grins. He places a palm on the head of the mic, and whispers something to Axl. Axl grins...]

Axl: [tilts his head back] FINALLY...

[Axl lowers his head, looking into the camera]

Axl: ... The Axe Man... has COME... to World Sports Entertainment. [looks over to HollyRock] Did I nail it, or did I NAIL it?

HollyRock: Nailed it.

Axl: Awesome. [looks back at camera] Fans... if there ARE any fans, that is... I just want to let all of you ugly, disgusting, pig feet gobbling REDNECKS out there, that the champ... [lifts both belts into the air] ... IS HERE!

HollyRock: Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA... Ixnay on the ripping off Cena. That's John Semen's schtick.

Axl: Oh... whoopsie. Anyway, I just want to set the record straight. I'm not joining WSE. And BOB isn't invading WSE. I don't know WHAT gave you that idea, Rex.

Rex: Oh... I just thought -

Axl: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THOUGHT!!!

[Axl smiles over at HollyRock, who gives the thumbs up. Axl then returns his glare to the camera.]

Axl: You see, the fact of the matter is this... I came here to WSE, not simply to take this belt from Drunk Ass, but to do something revolutionary... something ground shaking... something foundation ALTERING...

Rex: No! You don't mean -

Axl: Yes, indeed I do!

Rex: You're getting Pat Benatar to sing "Love is a Battlefield" at our next Paper View, The Great American BackLash at the Beach?! YOU SOOO ROCK!!!

Axl: ... No.

Rex:

Axl: I'm merging the Xtrmkor title... with the Swiss Army title... to create the very FIRST cross-promotional title between Brawlers on a Budget and World Sports Entertainment : The Swiss Army 24/7 Title!!!

Rex: ... I'd still prefer Benatar.

[Axl hands the Xtrmkor title over to HollyRock, who folds it up and places it inside a suitcase... before pulling out a large, face-plate sized sticker from the case. HollyRock gives Axl the sticker, and Axl peels the sticker from its paper... Axl then slaps the sticker over the face-plate of the Swiss Army strap. He holds the belt HIGH into the air... The title now reads, across the sticker, "24/7", with the word "Swiss" above, and "Army" below, both in smaller lettering.]

Axl: BEHOLD... the Swiss Army 24/7 CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

[HollyRock gives a small round of applause, while Rex returns the microphone to his own mouth.]

Rex: Well, there you have it folks! Tonight, on this night, at night, under a night sky, not tomorrow night, not last night, but TOnight... Axl has become the very first EVER... BOB/WSE Swiss Army 24/7 Champion!!!

[Suddenly, Axl is creamed from behind -

Rex: HAHAHA *snort* Sorry... HA! Creamed from behind, whoo boy!

[... Axl is attacked from the back -

Rex: For Axl, that's the ONLY way to be attacked!!! HAHA, I'll be here all night folks!

[Oh brother... Someone strikes Axl... and it's WES! Wes drops Axl with the black bat Axl brought in when he was disguised under the cowboy hat and shades... Wes goes for the cover!!! He gets a two count, but HollyRock pulls Wes off Axl, and Axl rolls to the outside, clutching the 24/7 title to his chest. HollyRock sends fist after fist toward Wes' face, backing him up to the ropes... When Wes is cornered against the ropes, Rock pulls back his hand in an outstretched palm, looks at it, and licks it... before rocketing the full force of his punch at Wes' mush, sending him tumbling over the top and to the outside. Axl rushes for the exit as fast as his feet can take him, and HollyRock climbs to the top turnbuckle. As "Epic" by Faith No More hits [the theme of The Glass Ceiling Gang], HollyRock raises a fist to the sky... giving the camera the "Critic's Eyebrow"... as cameras fade to black.]

|ads|

====================

Just a couple of hours ago, Wes Rivers and Rex Winters were set to call a title vs title match between HollyRock and "Drunk Ass" Austin Stevens... when Wes Rivers was attacked by a man dressed as Rock, but with his face concealed by clothing accesories. After "Drunk Ass" entered the ring behind the assailant, prepared to deliever the Drunk Ass Drop, the REAL HollyRock slid into the ring and hit the BlockBuster on Austin Stevens!

Once the Xtrmkor champion was layed out, the WSE Heavyweight Champ called for his cowboy hat wearing double to reveal himself. As the hat, glasses, and bandanna were disposed of, the WSE Universe was shocked to find none other than Brawlers on a Budget Swiss Army Champion, Axl! Axl quickly announced that he had merged the BOB Swiss Army and WSE Xtrmkor titles, to create the first EVER inter-promotional title between Brawlers on a Budget and World Sports Entertainment!

The title, which Axl has dubbed the "Swiss Army 24/7" title, will be defended anywhere, against anyone, at ANY time. This was displayed when ringside commentator Wes Rivers blindsided Axl, and tried to capture the strap for himself, but to no avail, as HollyRock broke up the pin. Axl scurried out of the building at breakneck pace, but with the new rules in effect, even by the time this article is published, another new champion COULD be crowned! ChinLocked and Loaded will keep you posted...

- TG

center]==================
May 05th, 2009
==================[/center][/b]

A mere day after BOB Substar Axl defeated former WSE Stupid Star "Drunk Ass" Austin Stevens for the WSE Xtrmkor title, WSE's "Rated G Stupid Star" Nicky Mowse "won" the title back for World Sports Entertainment. Oddly enough, all he had to do was ask. Here is a transcript from the events that occured only a few moments ago on the WSE Geocities live streaming video feed ;

===================================

[Axl is walking, Swiss Army title over one shoulder, the Xtrmkor title over the other... He is walking through Sinister City Mall, showing off his worthless WSE title, and his not-so-worthless BOB title.]

Voice: HEY! You with those two belts over there! I hear that that Xtrmkor belt is defended 24/7!

Axl: (without turning toward the guy who's talking to him) Uhm... yeah. I WAS trying to do this "Swiss Army 24/7" thing, but that didn't work out so hot, so now I'm left with two belts. It's hard to lug them around everywhere I go, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, especially since this belt from WSE isn't worth shit.

Voice: Well, for some reason or another, I WANT!!! So... HAND IT OVER!

[Axl spins around, and finds WSE Stupid Star, Nicky Mowse... the Rated G Stupid Star, in fact.]

Nicky: Heehee! Hidey ho, kiddo! Golly gee willickers, you must be the by gosh MOST ANNOYING, MIDGET ASS, PASTY FACED BASTARD I'VE EVER SEEN!!!

Axl: ... So, you want this Xtrmwhor belt, right?

Nicky: YES! NOW HAND IT OVER BEFORE I HAFTA... HAFTA... Aw shoot, I dunno boys and girls, gumballs and pepper wheels, I might just hafta CLAW YOUR FUCKING EYES OUT!!!

Axl: Here ya go.

[Axl hands the belt over, and Nicky takes it. He looks befuddled at how easily Axl complied...]

Nicky: Uh...

Axl: Peace.

Nicky: ...

[Axl pats the Swiss Army belt on his shoulder, and smiles... turning... and whistling to himself as he mosies off. Nicky is left holding the belt, and beginning to scratch his mouse costume covered head.]

Nicky: Well isn't that a bitch...

===================================

And indeed it WAS a bitch, as but a few seconds after Nicky "won" the title, former WSE Stupid Star, "Drunk Ass" Austin Stevens, RAN NICKY OVER WITH A TRUCK~!!! And then he dropped a bunch of cement on him! And then he hit him with a bedpan! Then he sprayed him down with a water hose! But it didn't shoot out water, it shot out BEER!!! And then he ran him over with a monster truck! And then he took out a gun and fired at him! But it didn't shoot him, it just popped out this little flag that said "BANG"! But I'm sure it had a loud noise, and that might leave a ringing in Nicky's ear! And then Drunk Ass pinned Nicky Mowse and took the Xtrmkor title! And it was the best Xtrmkor title victory filled with lots of random references to WWE Hall of Famer Steve Austin ever!!!

...

EVER~!!!1a

And so, at The Great American BackLash at the Beach, it will be Drunk Ass, FORMER WSE employee, vs Nicky Mowse, FORMER WSE Xtrmkor champion, to determine the undisputed WSE Xtrmkor champ. If Drunk Ass is able to retain the title, then he returns to the active WSE roster. If he loses, then he may not compete for WSE again, even as a bystander to take the 24/7 championship. This is Drunk Ass' last stand! Will he manage to walk away, not only as a champ, but once again as an active member of the roster? Find out, live [on tape], at WSE's "Great American BackLash at the Beach"!

BE THEEERRREEE!!!

Oh, and in a totally unrelated note, WSE Chairman Jack Hoff has decided to return WSE to Nowhere, Oklahoma, renaming the Middle of Nowhere as WSE's official arena. This is due entirely to Jack being pissed at Axl for giving up WSE's most prestigous secondary title [not to mention it's ONLY secondary title]. Jack had this to say ;

"Sinister City is Axl's home. I don't want it to be WSE's home. So we're moving back to his old home. Axl's old home, that is. See, Axl used to live in Nowhere. So now we're living there. Because Axl doesn't live there anymore. So... so THERE."

- TG

==================
May 07th, 2009
==================

[The camera opens to the non-packed Middle of Nowhere Arena, where in just a few moments the first contest in the "Burger King of the Ring" tournament will take place.]

[Wes Rivers and Rex Winters sit behind the commentary table, ready to call the action.]

Wes: Hello sports fans, and welcome to not only the first exhibition match in WSE 24/7 history, but the very first match in the opening round of the "Burger King of the Ring" tournament! I'm Wes Rivers, and with me as always is the dick known as Rex Winters!

Rex: ... That's cold, Wes. Real cold.

Wes: I call 'em as I see 'em! And sports fans, I see tonight's match being an EPIC brawl between two very different teams! Some of you may have read the card for our upcoming Paper View, "The Great American BackLash at the Beach". If so, you know that the rules for the tournament are simple.

Rex: And by simple, we mean "complicated and convuluted as hell". But hey, it wouldn't be a sports entertainment match without rules as simple as a trigonometry equation! Just ask TNA...

Wes: The rules are as such ;

Six teams of two will face off in three seperate tag team contests. The three teams that win will obtain a pass to the next level of the tournament.

The six men who don't win in their tag match will compete in a six pack challenge to determine the seventh competitor in the second round. The eighth participant will be kept a secret until the second round begins.

In the second round, all eight men who've survived the first round will compete in four singles matches. The winners of these matches will go on to Great American BackLash at the Beach to compete in a 4-way.

The winner of this 4-way will go on to the main event to compete for the World Sports Entertainment Heavyweight Title.

Wes: Tonight's bout will feature the first two teams in the tag team portion of the tournament. All four men are already at their corners, and Howard Fecal is ready to make the introductions. Take it away, Howie!

Fecal: Ladies and gentlemen that aren't here, welcome to tonight's contest!

Audience: ...

Fecal: Ah... yup. ANYWAY, tonight we will determine the first two men to proceed to the second level of the "Burger King of the Ring" tournament! The first team, to my right, hail from the 8-bit land known as the Mushroom Kingdom! They are the former WSE Tag Team champions!!! ... Maybe... whenever we HAD tag titles. ... They are Team... Two... DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[Brother Mario and Brother Luigi both take to the corner posts, lifting their index and middle fingers in the air, which looks like the "peace" sign, but is apparently also the Team 2D symbol.]

Wes: Team 2D is without a doubt the most experienced team in the tag team segment of this tournament.

Rex: Due soley to the fact that they have, you know, ACTUALLY teamed before! Hell, these guys have only probably appeared once or twice, and they already have the experience edge!

Fecal: And their opponents...

[Suddenly, one of Team 2D's opponent's, Mr. E, rips the microphone away from Howard Fecal, and raises it to his mouth... right below his "mask", which is nothing more than a pair of underwear with eyeholes cut out.]

Mr. E: JOO KNOW!!! I see joo pee-payl, an' ... an' I speet on JOO! [spits off to the side before returning to the microphone] LIKE SO! Joo KNOW who I yam... I t'ink joo do!!! I YAM... dee Mr. E! For... I YAM A MYSTERY!!! And dee E? He says, if joo smell what joo smell, then you can cook it! An' that? She be a line which is at her bottom! For MR E SAID IT BE SO!!!

[Mr. E is about to hand the microphone over to Fecal... when he spins around and slams the mic into the head of Brother Mario, busting him open immediately.]

Wes: Mario is already wearing the crimson mask!

Rex: YES! I love gushing blood! Except when it's my own.

Wes: I'd imagine so. Mr. E's partner, Jippy Jam the Japanese Jughead, or Quadruple J for short, is standing on the apron. He doesn't seem to approve of his "partner's" methods.

Rex: Aw come on, the dude's a Jap, he probably doesn't even understand what's going on!

Wes: ... For one thing, Jippy isn't really Japanese. He's just a huge anime freak. And secondly, that's RACIST, Rex!

Rex: Meh. Like anyone who'd care is actually watching this.

Wes: Regardless, Mr. E is laying in the fists to the skull of Brother Mario. Brother Luigi is trying to get into the ring to break it up, but the referee restrains him. While the ref is distracted, Mr. E pulls out something from his Spongebob Squarepants pajamas... is that... that's a half eaten jelly donut! What on earth is he doing with that?!

Rex: Saving it for later?

Wes: Apparently not, as Mr. E just SHOVED that donut into the face of his opponent! And now he's smearing the jelly and crumbs all over Mario's already bloody face! Mario's not only wearing the crimson mask, but he's wearing the STRAWBERRY mask as well!

Rex: Are you sure that's strawberry jelly? Looks more like cherry to me.

Wes: How can you tell?

Rex: Hey man, all I ever do at home is play video games, watch porn and eat junk food. I should be a connoisseur on all THREE subjects by now!

Wes: Whatever flavor it is, the jelly now covers Brother Mario's mustachioed face! The blood still drips, and Mario is a mess. He may be in need of a tag. Mr. E makes his way to his partner, Jippy Jam, and tags him in. The pace may be about to pick up here, sports fans. Jippy leap frogs over the ropes, and as he comes down, he lands a legdrop over the head of Brother Mario! Jippy stands and runs quickly toward the 2D corner, and as he comes close to Brother Luigi, Jippy takes to the air and lands a leaping, spinning roundhouse kick to Luigi, which knocks him off the apron and to the outside floor.

Wes: With Jippy's back turned, Mario finally manages to return to a vertical base. Mario sneaks up and lands an ax-handle smash to the back of Quadruple J! Jippy stumbles forward, and grasps the ropes. Mario goes for ANOTHER ax-handle, but Jippy mule kicks the pisano in the gut, doubling him over. Jippy jumps forward, springboards off the ropes, turns around in mid-air, and snaps off a lightning fast hurricanrana! Mario is sent for the ride, flying across the ring, and rolling under the bottom rope to the outside! Jippy runs to the side of the ring where Mario is sprawled outside of... and Jippy somersaults OVER the top rope without even grazing it, and slams into the prone body of Mario with a BEAUTIFUL senton!

Rex: Jippy needs to make the tag!

Wes: ... Why? He's doing just fine.

Rex: Because! If ANYONE's going to win this match, it's going to be my main man, Mr. E!

Wes: Rex, if Jippy gets the pin, then that naturally means your "main man" will advance as well. It doesn't really matter WHO gets the pinfall...

Rex: It matters to me! TAG OUT JIPPY!!! I'll give you a year's supply of sushi and uh... all that other nasty food Japs love so much!

Wes: Despite that moronic comment -

Rex: Hey!

Wes: - Jippy is still on a roll.

Rex: An EGG roll! HA! I'm a comedy GENIUS! I oughta have my own tv show!

Wes: Keep dreaming. Jippy performs a standing moonsault on the fallen Brother Mario... before landing another... and ANOTHER! Brother Mario is really taking a beating here. Jippy lugs Mario to his feet, before tossing him into the ring. Jippy slides in... but before he can stand, Brother Luigi pulls him back out! Brother Luigi has made his way around the ring to Jippy and Mr. E's side!

Rex: See! What'd I tell ya?! Jippy just HAD to do all that flippy shit on the outside, and now Mr. E's in trouble of losing a match he'd have won SINGLE HANDEDLY had it been a handicap match!

Wes: Seeing as he's a fat guy in a Ninja Turtles t-shirt... I highly doubt that.

Rex: Hmph! Says you...

Wes: Brother Luigi sends a few punches Jippy's way, before grabbing the Jughead by the back of his spiky yellow hair... Luigi runs toward the ring post, holding Jippy by the hair... and -

[GONG]

Wes: - Quadruple J's head is RAMMED into the pole, sending Jippy tumbling down, and rolling into the guard rail! Jip's busted wide open!

Rex: CRAP ON A STICK!!! I TOLD you Wes!!! Mr. E is going to lose this match and it'll be ALL Jippy's fault!!!

Wes: This match isn't over quite yet Rex, so don't get your panties in a bunch.

Rex: I DON'T WEAR PANTIES!!! Although... I have been known to wear a thong on special occasions.

Wes: REX! Too... much... INFO.

Rex:

Wes: Luigi is stomping away at Jippy Jam, keeping him down as the referee begins to count him out. Team 2D may be able to pull out a victory here, with Mario catching a breather inside the ring! The ref reaches six, and Mr. E's had enough! Mr. E hops off the apron, and marches toward Brother Luigi, who has his back turned! ... Mr. E just booted Brother Luigi right between the uprights from behind! Luigi crumples to the floor in a heap, and Mr. E is trying to drag Jip toward the ring! The ref reaches the nine... But Mario is up... and he just hit a baseball slide to Mr. E's mush, without sliding out of the ring! Mr. E tumbles backward, and Jippy is left on the outside... and there's the ten! Team 2D has done it! Both Mario Brotherz have advanced to the second round of the tournament!

Rex: FUCK! This is BULL! Sunnuva... Kick that Jap's ass, Mr. E! Teach him a lesson!

Wes: It looks like that's exactly what Mr. E has in mind! As Brothers Mario and Luigi head for the lockeroom to celebrate their victory with some mushroom pizza, Mr. E is standing over his now EX-"partner", berating him for supposedly "letting him down". Mr. E is screaming obscenities in his off beat speech pattern.

Rex: He's grabbing a microphone! I hope he busts Jappy Jim open with it like he did Mario!

Wes: Jippy Jam!

Rex: WhatEVER!

Mr. E: JOO... joo STUPID-OH!!! Joo poo-poo head-oh! I SPEET ON JOO!!! [Mr. E spits on Jippy] LIKE SO!!! Dees? ALLLL of dees?! She is being YOUR fault, I will being have you know! For she is no my fault! For I yam... MR. E! And I YAM... zee win-hair!

Rex: ... The win hair?

Wes: I think he means "winner".

Rex: Ah... Shut up and kick his ass, Mr. E! Or atleast shut up, either way...

Mr. E: For joo see, in dee Seis Pack-oh Shell-anje, I... DEE MYSTERY... will no have only dee numero uno contendership-oh on mine mind... but JOO, Senor Juggalo el Jip-oh! As dee others all fall before zee mighty WRATH of mine, so also be joo!!! For I YAM... the Cellery Assasin! I YAM... the GAME-OH! And I YAM... that... damn... el mui bueno!!! Viva la Russo!

Rex: Did he just say "Viva la Russo"? As in Vince Russo?

Wes: Yes, I believe he did, Rex.

Rex: ... No wonder he lost.

Wes: Well, sports fans, as Mr. E alluded to, and as was mentioned in the card for WSE's Great American BackLash at the Beach -

Rex: And as you already said earlier, but really, who's paying attention?

Wes: - the six men who lose their tag matches will compete in a six pack challenge to determine the seventh entrant in the second level of the tourney. The eighth entrant will be randomly selected and revealed when the time comes.

Rex: Which means they'll get a free pass from all that icky "earning your spot" stuff. Who needs the hassle of actually competing to achieve something, when you can just be "randomly selected"?

Wes: So many things are random around here, what's one more going to hurt?

Rex: Our virtually non-existant credibility?

Wes: ... For Rex Winters, this is Wes Rivers, saying catch us NEXT time, here on the WSE 24/7 streaming video feed, right here on GeoCities - For ten years, the leading home of web-based internet hosting!

Rex: I'm tellin' ya, we may need to look into another provider...

Wes: Don't be CRAZY, Rex! GeoCities is solid like a rock!

Rex: You mean "a" rock, or "The Rock's movie career"? Because the latter... not doing so hot.

Wes: ... Goodnight everybody!

|ads|

==================
May 27th, 2009
WSE 24/7 - Now ONLY on AngelFire~!!! ;D
==================

[The camera opens to the desk of Wes Rivers and Rex Winters, in the middle of the non-existant crowd, RIGHT HERE... in the Middle of Nowhere Arena.]

Wes Rivers: Hello sports fans, and welcome back to Nowhere, Oklahoma!

Rex Winters: It's been twenty days since the last update... I almost thought this place was going to go the way of so many other e-feds.

Wes: Don't worry, Rex, WSE hasn't closed up shop just yet!

Rex: Worry? I was about to CELEBRATE! Damn Jack Hoff... Can't he just let this dump DIE?!

Wes: ... Ahem. Anyway sports fans, tonight, we have the second of three tag matches in the first round of the Burger King of the Ring tournament! The last man standing in this tournament will receive the opportunity to face the WSE Heavyweight Champion at the upcoming "Great American BackLash at the Beach".

Rex: Yeah, and by "upcoming" we mean anywhere from one week to one YEAR from now...

Wes: Regardless, both teams of two are standing in their respective corners, and Howard Fecal is ready to call the action. Take it away Howie!

Fecal: LLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages!!! Welcome to the second of three opening round tag team bouts, in the WSE's tournament to crown the first EVER "Burger King of the Ring"! Buckle your seat belts folks, because tonight, World Sports Entertainment is set to propel itself into TURBO DRIVE! This bout features four men so rapid quick, they'll leave your head spinning! Standing in the corner to my left... First ; He hails from a galaxy far, far away... he is one of the elite Tankoria Boarders on the planet Q-Bert. Regularly rebelling against the rules of society, not to mention the laws of physics and gravity... he is Zorlax FIRLING! And his partner for this contest ; The young hero of Hyperbolithica... he is -

[While Howard continues to make the introduction, the camera zooms into a side view of Goo the Adventurer's face. As he looks down at the ground, with his face awash with determination, the camera turns to black and white... and Goo thinks to himself.]

Goo: [thinking] I stand here now... looking into the deepest regions of my soul. I know that it is time to take the next step down the vast and dangerous, long and winding path that stretches before me. I look into my heart... and I know that this is the crossroads that the old sage spoke of. To obtain the power to bring down the forces that have captured my friends... my family... I MUST conquer many challenges... and I MUST find the golden treasure that they refer to as... THE BELT. For this is my destiny. This is my fate. This is -

[BLAMMO]

[While Goo was thinking to himself, he and Zorlax's opponents, Kris Y. Jeriko and Double-Oh Zero, are already introduced... and as soon as they are, Kris quickly hits the Choad Breaker on The Adventurer. Goo crumples to the canvas, and rolls under the bottom rope and to the outside. Kris runs off the opposite set of ropes, before charging toward the side Goo lies outside of... KYJ soars through the air with a somersault, and CRASHES into Goo! Goo stumbles back, tumbling over the guard rail, and falling into the first row of empty seats.]

Wes: Kris Y. Jeriko is REALLY taking it to young Goo at the opening of this match!

Rex: You're damn STRAIGHT! Something that few people know about Kris is that he's a HUGE mark for reality television.

Wes: ... So?

Rex: Well, it's not really pertinent to the match at hand, but the writer's just trying to set up a future gimmick. He thought he'd mention that, so that when Kris starts acting like a mix of the Miz and early 2000's Chris Jericho, that it didn't seem completely out of left field.

Wes: Sure. Only slightly out of left field, eh?

Rex: Of course.

Wes: Anyhow, while Kris Y. Jeriko chases Goo through the rows of empty seats, back in the ring, Zorlax and 000 are trading blows. 000 irish whips Zorlax to the ropes, but Zorlax leaps into the air, onto the top rope... and hops up, before landing BACK on the top rope, only now facing Double-Oh Zero. 000 runs at Zorlax, who springs off the rope... and seemingly hovers through the air... before landing a knee to Zero's face. Zero falls to the mat, and Zorlax drops from the air with a knee to Zero's chest. Zorlax then stands and pulls Zero back to his feet...

Rex: Zero may not be doing so well with Zorlax IN the ring, but outside of it, my man Kris Y. Jeriko is ramming Goo the Adventurer into every chair in sight!

Wes: You're right there, Rex. Kris climbs on top of one chair's seat, and grabs up Goo under his arm in the front chancery... Kris lifts Goo up into vertical suplex position... before dropping the Adventurer backwards, onto five or six chairs with a HARSH clatter. Kris then performs a moonsault from the chair, onto the prone body of Goo, sending another loud clatter echoing throughout the empty building!

Rex: Atleast there's one good thing about an arena with no fans. The echoes of all the moves sound even louder... too bad nobody's listening.

Wes: Kris begins to pummel Goo with rights and lefts... My GOD, Goo's jaw is nearly broken from Jeriko's vicous assault of flying fists!

Rex: Speaking of 'flying', back in the ring, Zero is still taking the brunt of Zorlax's aerial barrage. Dammit Double-Oh, you're a secret government agent! Go Skully and Mulder on his extra-terrestrial ass!

Wes: Zorlax is heading for his team's corner. He reaches for something... it's his Tankoria Board! Zorlax drops the board, but instead of hitting the mat, it hovers! Zorlax hops onto the board, and begins to use one of his orange feet to kick the board forward. Double-Oh Zero slowly makes it to his feet, turns around... and promptly has his head busted open thanks to Zorlax flipping the board into the air, and then bringing himself AND the board down upon Zero's skull! Zero is flat on his back in a puddle of his own blood... and Zorlax is going for the pin!

Rex: CRAP! Kris Y. Jeriko is still beating the hell out of Goo in the stands, but while he's distracted by dishing out an ass-whipping, Zorlax is getting the count for his team!!! THIS SUCKS DONKEY BALLS!!!

Wes: 1... 2... THREE! Zorlax Firling did it! He and Goo the Adventurer have advanced to the second round of the tournament! KYJ and Double-Oh Zero will now have to compete in the six-pack challenge to determine the seventh entrant for the next level of the tourney.

Rex: But things aren't over just yet! Kris is storming toward the ring after hearing his opponents being declared the winners... he slides into the ring, and he sees 000 ko'ed! And he's OUTRAGED! KILL HIM KRIS!!!

Wes: Jeriko is stomping away at Double-Oh Zero in a fit of anger. He truly epitomizes the term "sore loser"...

Rex: And now he's locking 000 into the LubricanTamer!

Wes: Jeriko's modified elevated boston crab is known to tear the tendons in men's legs... and I would venture a guess that that's EXACTLY what's occuring in the center of the ring right now!

Rex: Kris is NOT letting go! Which makes me all the more happy! Zero obviously cost Jeriko this match, and Jeriko is doing the only thing he CAN do... mercilessly breaking the poor bastard's legs in half so he may never walk again!

Wes: I'm sure there's one or two other things Kris could do... and besides, Zero couldn't have possibly meant to lose. If Kris had kept himself closer to the ring, he could have broke up the count, and he may have walked away with a win tonight. But, as it is, Jeriko took the fight with Goo far away from the ring, and has payed the consequences! But he still has an oppurtunity to advance to the second round if he can win the six-pack challenge.

Rex: All I know is, Kris is STILL locking on the submission hold, and now the security guards are being force to break him loose! Bastards! I was really hoping Jeriko would do us all a favor and end Double-Oh Zero's "top secret mission"... or atleast his career!

Wes: Well sports fans, Team 2D, Goo the Adventurer, and Zorlax Firling have already advanced to the second round of the tournament. Next time on WSE 24/7, we will witness the third and final tag team match of the tourney, and then, we will be treated to a six-man war for the seventh slot in the "Egg-Stream Eight". The eighth participant will be determined via a backstage drawing, and will be announced only when his match arrives.

Rex: So basically... someone's getting a free pass, while everyone else in the "Egg-Stream Eight" has to actually, you know, EARN their spot...

Wes: Basically. Goodnight sports fans!

Rex: Buncha losers...

|end transmission|

===================
June 19th, 2009
===================
Originally posted by: Justin
===================

\\\\\\\\\\\///////////
I ARE TEH SUFFERABLE~!!!
///////////\\\\\\\\\\\

FUCK!

That is all.

==================
June 24th, 2009
==================
Originally posted by: Legion
==================

The scene opens in a studio, where we find "The Nicest Guy In eWrestling" AlexK standing in front of a WSE backdrop. He stares at the backdrop in wonder, stroking his chin.[/SIZE]

AK: "Amazing...I wonder how much it cost."

He turns around to see the camera and a shocked look appears on his face.

AK: "Oh, hello there. You may or may not know me; my name is Alex K, and I'm, um, the nicest guy in, uh, eWrestling. You might remember me, uh, from that time I stumbled on my words trying to talk to what's his face...you know, the guy that did, um, the Crapshoot?"

Alex stops to think about this for a moment, and remembers with a smile on his face.

AK: "Ah, yes, I remember now...Thomas Masonry. Anywho...I've been invited to a special battle royal of some sort at WSE's Great American Backlash At The Beach."

He stops to hear something from his earpiece.

AK: "Oh, pardon me. It's THE Great American Backlash At The Beach. You know, I come from the beach, myself...Long Beach, that is. No, not the one by New York, the one in California. Beautiful city, except for all the construction. Evidently, I'll be facing some really tough folks at this event, but no matter...I have my plans."

He motions for the camera to shut off before muttering.

AK: "I'll wait until the last couple of guys are at it, and knock them over the top rope. Brilliant!"

He stops to realize that the camera is still rolling.

AK: "Hey, you were supposed to shut that off, you big jerk!"

With this, we finally fade to black.