![World Sports Entertainment : To iNSANITY... & Beyond! [get the wrestling OUT!]](http://i4.photobucket.com/albums/y127/shanomacbry/7312847a-6aad-4bcc-b1f7-ca83b78c33fc_zpsyhuncysr.png "World Sports Entertainment : To iNSANITY... & Beyond! [get the wrestling OUT!]")
Post by THE Mac Bry v2 on May 19, 2010 3:32:05 GMT -6
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September 18th, 2008
+++++++++++++++++
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...
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*static*
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[Finally, the screen begins to clear up... cheap ass tv...]
Wes Rivers: Welcome sports fans, to the very first televised UnFed event! Following a tremendous pay-per-view extravaganza -
Rex Winters: Tremendously CRAPPY! Ha! I still got it.
Wes: We're prepared to deliever the most action-packed wrestling showcase of all time!
Rex: As long as by "action-packed", you mean sucky, and by "wrestling showcase", you mean load of suck!
Wes: I'm Wes Rivers, alongside, as always, Rex Winters!
Rex: The HILARIOUS, talented, and witty Rex Winters!
Wes: And -
*static*
...
*static*
...
*static*
...
- ads -
...
*static*
Wes: ... an amazing display of -
*static*
Wes: ... reverse springboard enzigu -
*static*
Wes: ... irrestible force meeting the immovable object!
Rex: Why do you keep saying sentence fragments, in between long pauses?
Wes: ... Uh... STATIC!
Rex: I don't think so, Wes, not gonna work.
Wes: Well -
*static*
Wes: And what an amazing match that was!
Rex: ... What match?
Wes: Yes, Super Sized Shnozz has managed the unthinkable, and defeated Rock-ishi in a tremendous Chair Match to become the very first Unimportant Champion!
Rex: ... I didn't see anything in the ring... Are you sure that -
Wes: And next up folks, after these very important ads, we'll see -
*static*
- ads -
*static*
Rex: Ya know, I think we're over using the nWo gimmick. The abundance of static... the ring mat spray-painted with the 'jWo' logo... The static... Seriously, what's with the damn static?
Wes: I dunno, but -
*static*
Wes: SEMEN DID IT! SEMEN DID IT! John Semen has managed the unthinkable, and outlasted seven other men, to become the very first Mastery of the Fine Art of Jobbing Champion!
Rex: I think I get it now... the writer's being incredibly lazy.
Wes: Pretty much. And next folks, the main event! After these -
- ads -
Wes: And welcome back to the Sinister Stadium! It's time for our main event, where we'll be seeing raYne duke it out with "Drunk Ass" Don Stevens, in an Anywhere Falls, No Count Outs, No Disqualifications, No Holds Barred, Hardcore Streetfight. The winner of this match will stay on the payroll. The loser? ... Won't.
Rex: Whoopdie-fuckin' doo.
Wes: And with that, let's send it to Rat Bore.
Rat Bore: Faggot homo queer he be in ring and so is does drunkard ass man, Steve Don! So fuck intros, lemme have match time!
Wes: ...
Rex: Even Rat Bore's lazy as fuck. Apathy's runnin' wild!
Wes: The bell sounds, and raYne and Stevens lock up... raYne sends Stevens flying into the ropes, Stevens rebounds, and raYne goes for a superkick... but Stevens ducks under, turns around, boots raYne in the gut, and tries for a Drunk Ass Drop... but raYne shoves Stevens off, before leaping into the air... QUEERBREAKER!!! Which is most certainly NOT the Codebreaker!
Rex: Yup.
Wes: Stevens flies through the air, before rolling out underneath the bottom rope... raYne bounces off the ropes on the other side of the ring, before speeding toward Stevens' side... raYne leaps into the air, over the top rope, performs a somersault, and snaps off a flying hurricanrana, sending Stevens crashing into the barricade! raYne reaches underneath the ring apron, and pulls out... a beer bottle!
Rex: You'd think a guy like him would drink somethin' fruity, like a Raspberry Shnapps or somethin'.
Wes: Actually, that's his favorite drink.
Rex: ... Yup.
Wes: raYne goes to smash the bottle over Stevens' head, but Stevens boots raYne in the gut once again... and goes for another Drunk Ass Drop, but raYne lifts Stevens up and slams him to the ground with a back body drop.
Rex: It's like that Drunk Ass Drop move is the only move Stevens knows! He's going to keep going back to it until he hits the damn thing. Or until he jobs. Whichever comes first.
Wes: raYne rolls Stevens into the ring, but as soon as raYne slides in and stands, Stevens goes for ANOTHER Drunk Ass Drop... which connects! raYne flies over the top rope, and to the outside mat! Don Stevens lifts his two pinkie fingers into the air, before calling for a couple of Sudweisers.
Rex: Sudweiser - The #1 Choice Of the Broke Ass Poor!
Wes: Wait a minute, what's that music?!
Speakers: Kill me with a beat!
["Do You Call My Name" by Ra plays, and a man in torn jeans, a black shirt with the words "All Hail to the King" in red, and a face resembling that of the late Kurt Cobain, runs down the ramp, before sliding into the ring. Stevens has his back turned, but not for long, as the man spins him around... and boots him in the stomach, doubling Stevens over. The man then picks Stevens up in powerbomb position, rotates around a few times, before sending Stevens crashing to the mat with a devestating jacknife.]
Man: TAKE THAT, LUKE WARM!!!
Rex: Luke Warm? Who the hell does that guy think he just powerbombed?
Wes: I have no clue Rex... no clue whatsoever.
[The man stands up after yelling at the fallen Stone Cold rip-off... as raYne rolls into the ring. The man and raYne come face to face... and they both seem to have contempt for one another. The mystery man brushes past raYne, before leaving the ring, and heading back up the ramp. raYne shakes his head... and goes for the pin.]
Wes: One...
Rex: Two...
Both: THREE!
Wes: He got him! raYne has won the Jobber tournament, and has kept his job! What a way to pull this train wreck of a show to a close!
Rex: Yup... I wish I were Don Stevens. I could really go for losing my job right about now...
Wes: For Rex Winters, I'm Wes Rivers, saying -
[Suddenly, "Sweat Pants in Hell" hits, and Jack Hoff storms to the ring, with a pissed off look on his face, and the World Sports Entertainment Heavyweight Title over his right shoulder. He rolls into the ring, stands up (after a bit of a struggle) and grabs a microphone. raYne stares at his boss with fury...]
Jack Hoff: YOU GATDAM SONNOVA - ARGH! Don't you know you were supposed to lose?!
raYne: Yeah, I read the script. But after that bit of interference by... well, his name doesn't matter. The point is, I decided to take the opportunity as it came to me, and I WON babe! So I'm, like, so happy to tell you that I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!!! And I WILL be bringing that belt back around my pretty little waist, whether you like it or not!
Jack Hoff: I don't think so! I REALLY don't think so! Because, yeah, you may ah won the stupid match, and yeah, you may ah kept ya job... but from now on? You're nothin' but a damn JOBBER! You'll be on this show, jWo Nitro, and you'll be Eric Bitchcakes personal BITCH! jWo Nitro's your new home, pillowbiter, the only show I'll allow you on! And everything Easy E says? You DO, or I'll give him the power to fire your fruit cake ass on the spot! And that's the bottom of the ninth, cuz Jack Hoff said it be so!!!
[Jack Hoff heads toward the ropes, with raYne staring on with anger... when a man attacks raYne from behind with a double fisted axe handle smash. A man wearing brown boots with tan frills hanging from the top ; short, dark blue spandex with the letters 'VH' written in yellow across the ass ; long, brown, studded wrist cuffs ; a long, red cape and a horned helmet. His hair is long, blonde, curly, and whipping back in a mysterious wind. As raYne falls to the canvas from the axe handle smash, Jack says one more thing on the microphone.]
Jack Hoff: Whoops, sorry raYne... forgot to introduce you to my pal here. His name is Val Halla, and he's the great, great, great, great, great, great... great, great, great, great, great, great... great, great, great, great, great, great... GREAT grandson to the God, Thor! And he's now my new bodyguard. My "insurance policy", if ya wheel, to make sure I keep the belt for a long, long time. As long as he's around, you ain't got a chance in hell of taking the strap, even if you WERE to start showing up on my other shows, god forbid. Val... send this fairy flyin'!
[Val grabs raYne by his multi-colored hair, lifts him up, and sends him soaring over the top rope with a gorilla press. Jack cackles over the microphone.]
Jack Hoff: Damn it's good to be the boss!
[As "Sweat Pants in Hell" blares over the speakers, Jack Hoff lifts Val Halla's arm high into the air, to the... uh, silence of the fans. Since there are no fans.]
[...]
*static*
Wes: Goodnight everybo -
*static*
- ads -
September 18th, 2008
+++++++++++++++++
*static*
...
*static*
...
*static*
...
[Finally, the screen begins to clear up... cheap ass tv...]
Wes Rivers: Welcome sports fans, to the very first televised UnFed event! Following a tremendous pay-per-view extravaganza -
Rex Winters: Tremendously CRAPPY! Ha! I still got it.
Wes: We're prepared to deliever the most action-packed wrestling showcase of all time!
Rex: As long as by "action-packed", you mean sucky, and by "wrestling showcase", you mean load of suck!
Wes: I'm Wes Rivers, alongside, as always, Rex Winters!
Rex: The HILARIOUS, talented, and witty Rex Winters!
Wes: And -
*static*
...
*static*
...
*static*
...
- ads -
...
*static*
Wes: ... an amazing display of -
*static*
Wes: ... reverse springboard enzigu -
*static*
Wes: ... irrestible force meeting the immovable object!
Rex: Why do you keep saying sentence fragments, in between long pauses?
Wes: ... Uh... STATIC!
Rex: I don't think so, Wes, not gonna work.
Wes: Well -
*static*
Wes: And what an amazing match that was!
Rex: ... What match?
Wes: Yes, Super Sized Shnozz has managed the unthinkable, and defeated Rock-ishi in a tremendous Chair Match to become the very first Unimportant Champion!
Rex: ... I didn't see anything in the ring... Are you sure that -
Wes: And next up folks, after these very important ads, we'll see -
*static*
- ads -
*static*
Rex: Ya know, I think we're over using the nWo gimmick. The abundance of static... the ring mat spray-painted with the 'jWo' logo... The static... Seriously, what's with the damn static?
Wes: I dunno, but -
*static*
Wes: SEMEN DID IT! SEMEN DID IT! John Semen has managed the unthinkable, and outlasted seven other men, to become the very first Mastery of the Fine Art of Jobbing Champion!
Rex: I think I get it now... the writer's being incredibly lazy.
Wes: Pretty much. And next folks, the main event! After these -
- ads -
Wes: And welcome back to the Sinister Stadium! It's time for our main event, where we'll be seeing raYne duke it out with "Drunk Ass" Don Stevens, in an Anywhere Falls, No Count Outs, No Disqualifications, No Holds Barred, Hardcore Streetfight. The winner of this match will stay on the payroll. The loser? ... Won't.
Rex: Whoopdie-fuckin' doo.
Wes: And with that, let's send it to Rat Bore.
Rat Bore: Faggot homo queer he be in ring and so is does drunkard ass man, Steve Don! So fuck intros, lemme have match time!
Wes: ...
Rex: Even Rat Bore's lazy as fuck. Apathy's runnin' wild!
Wes: The bell sounds, and raYne and Stevens lock up... raYne sends Stevens flying into the ropes, Stevens rebounds, and raYne goes for a superkick... but Stevens ducks under, turns around, boots raYne in the gut, and tries for a Drunk Ass Drop... but raYne shoves Stevens off, before leaping into the air... QUEERBREAKER!!! Which is most certainly NOT the Codebreaker!
Rex: Yup.
Wes: Stevens flies through the air, before rolling out underneath the bottom rope... raYne bounces off the ropes on the other side of the ring, before speeding toward Stevens' side... raYne leaps into the air, over the top rope, performs a somersault, and snaps off a flying hurricanrana, sending Stevens crashing into the barricade! raYne reaches underneath the ring apron, and pulls out... a beer bottle!
Rex: You'd think a guy like him would drink somethin' fruity, like a Raspberry Shnapps or somethin'.
Wes: Actually, that's his favorite drink.
Rex: ... Yup.
Wes: raYne goes to smash the bottle over Stevens' head, but Stevens boots raYne in the gut once again... and goes for another Drunk Ass Drop, but raYne lifts Stevens up and slams him to the ground with a back body drop.
Rex: It's like that Drunk Ass Drop move is the only move Stevens knows! He's going to keep going back to it until he hits the damn thing. Or until he jobs. Whichever comes first.
Wes: raYne rolls Stevens into the ring, but as soon as raYne slides in and stands, Stevens goes for ANOTHER Drunk Ass Drop... which connects! raYne flies over the top rope, and to the outside mat! Don Stevens lifts his two pinkie fingers into the air, before calling for a couple of Sudweisers.
Rex: Sudweiser - The #1 Choice Of the Broke Ass Poor!
Wes: Wait a minute, what's that music?!
Speakers: Kill me with a beat!
["Do You Call My Name" by Ra plays, and a man in torn jeans, a black shirt with the words "All Hail to the King" in red, and a face resembling that of the late Kurt Cobain, runs down the ramp, before sliding into the ring. Stevens has his back turned, but not for long, as the man spins him around... and boots him in the stomach, doubling Stevens over. The man then picks Stevens up in powerbomb position, rotates around a few times, before sending Stevens crashing to the mat with a devestating jacknife.]
Man: TAKE THAT, LUKE WARM!!!
Rex: Luke Warm? Who the hell does that guy think he just powerbombed?
Wes: I have no clue Rex... no clue whatsoever.
[The man stands up after yelling at the fallen Stone Cold rip-off... as raYne rolls into the ring. The man and raYne come face to face... and they both seem to have contempt for one another. The mystery man brushes past raYne, before leaving the ring, and heading back up the ramp. raYne shakes his head... and goes for the pin.]
Wes: One...
Rex: Two...
Both: THREE!
Wes: He got him! raYne has won the Jobber tournament, and has kept his job! What a way to pull this train wreck of a show to a close!
Rex: Yup... I wish I were Don Stevens. I could really go for losing my job right about now...
Wes: For Rex Winters, I'm Wes Rivers, saying -
[Suddenly, "Sweat Pants in Hell" hits, and Jack Hoff storms to the ring, with a pissed off look on his face, and the World Sports Entertainment Heavyweight Title over his right shoulder. He rolls into the ring, stands up (after a bit of a struggle) and grabs a microphone. raYne stares at his boss with fury...]
Jack Hoff: YOU GATDAM SONNOVA - ARGH! Don't you know you were supposed to lose?!
raYne: Yeah, I read the script. But after that bit of interference by... well, his name doesn't matter. The point is, I decided to take the opportunity as it came to me, and I WON babe! So I'm, like, so happy to tell you that I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it!!! And I WILL be bringing that belt back around my pretty little waist, whether you like it or not!
Jack Hoff: I don't think so! I REALLY don't think so! Because, yeah, you may ah won the stupid match, and yeah, you may ah kept ya job... but from now on? You're nothin' but a damn JOBBER! You'll be on this show, jWo Nitro, and you'll be Eric Bitchcakes personal BITCH! jWo Nitro's your new home, pillowbiter, the only show I'll allow you on! And everything Easy E says? You DO, or I'll give him the power to fire your fruit cake ass on the spot! And that's the bottom of the ninth, cuz Jack Hoff said it be so!!!
[Jack Hoff heads toward the ropes, with raYne staring on with anger... when a man attacks raYne from behind with a double fisted axe handle smash. A man wearing brown boots with tan frills hanging from the top ; short, dark blue spandex with the letters 'VH' written in yellow across the ass ; long, brown, studded wrist cuffs ; a long, red cape and a horned helmet. His hair is long, blonde, curly, and whipping back in a mysterious wind. As raYne falls to the canvas from the axe handle smash, Jack says one more thing on the microphone.]
Jack Hoff: Whoops, sorry raYne... forgot to introduce you to my pal here. His name is Val Halla, and he's the great, great, great, great, great, great... great, great, great, great, great, great... great, great, great, great, great, great... GREAT grandson to the God, Thor! And he's now my new bodyguard. My "insurance policy", if ya wheel, to make sure I keep the belt for a long, long time. As long as he's around, you ain't got a chance in hell of taking the strap, even if you WERE to start showing up on my other shows, god forbid. Val... send this fairy flyin'!
[Val grabs raYne by his multi-colored hair, lifts him up, and sends him soaring over the top rope with a gorilla press. Jack cackles over the microphone.]
Jack Hoff: Damn it's good to be the boss!
[As "Sweat Pants in Hell" blares over the speakers, Jack Hoff lifts Val Halla's arm high into the air, to the... uh, silence of the fans. Since there are no fans.]
[...]
*static*
Wes: Goodnight everybo -
*static*
- ads -
