B.W., PPV Pre-Show -- Alexandra Callaway vs Drake Styles.

[THE Mac Bry v2]

Their edited version, at the end--

www.boardwalkwrestling.com/index.php/events/results/335-boardwalk-xtra-episode-020

My original cut--

-MAIN EVENT-



DRAKE STYLES -vs- ALEXANDRA CALLAWAY

Amber Rose: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for ONE fall, and is your Boardwalk Xtra main event of the evening!!

The beginning riffs of "Shepard Of Fire" by Avenged Sevenfold, begins to play as the light's in the arena dim down and a spot light appears at the top of the ramp.

Amber Rose: Introducing FIRST, from Tombstone, Arizona!! Or Dallas, Texas, depending on which section of her contract you happen to glance at! She is the Wiccan Poser...ALEXANDRA 'SAMANTHA NANCY HERMIONE WITCHIE-POO' CALLAWAY!!

Phil: ...Witchie-Poo? Oh, and she seems to be accompanied by Hunter Jay Wilson The Volleyball Esquire, aka H.R. Huffin' Stuff!!

Steve: I already don't like where this is headed...

Alexandra Callaway makes her way out onto the top of the ramp with her whatever the fuck he is, Hunter Jay. They do the macarena as the song's speed begins to pick up, before transitioning into "Chocolate Rain" by Tay Zonday.

Phil: HELL YEAH!! Now that brings back memories!

Steve: Of like, what, five or so years ago?

Phil: Good times! I actually got to touch a boobie!

Steve: ...I really wish the countdown to Dealer's Choice would hurry up.

Alexandra makes her way down the ramp, not touching the fans hands. Hunter tries to touch the fans hands but instead one of them bashes him in the head with a billy club. Alex slaps Hunter in the face for laying down on the job. She then drags him down to the apron, before just dumping him off at ringside.

Phil: Great show of friendship there, leavin' the guy high and dry!!

Steve: Alex has always been known for her loving heart and care for others feelings.

Steve and Phil then look at eachother, before looking at the camera, and in a scene right out of Wayne's World they shout in unison--

Phil&Steve: NOT!!

Alex then slips into the ring, under the bottom rope, and climbs up onto the turnbuckle. She smirks evilly, cuz she's a witch and everyone knows witches is evil. She throws her arms up, showing off the 'devil horns'. Cuz she's EVIL, and she's a witch, therefore she worships SATAN-ATAN-ATAN!!.... Even though that's completely unfounded, but nevertheless, she jumps down and--

"HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GONNA TRY AND SHUT ME OUT?!"

Phil: Oh thank GAWD, some REAL TALENT!!

The first guitar chords of “Last One Standing” hit the P.A System.

Amber Rose: Hailing from Miami, Florida... Weighing in at Two-Hundred and THIRTEEN POUNDS, standing at an even six feet tall. He is the self-proclaimed "Mr. Boardwalk"... THIS IS, Drake 'Mad Love' STYLLLEEEESSS!!!

Steve: I STILL have absolutely no idea what 'Mad Love' means...

Phil: At least he's better than Callaway!

Steve: We can only pray...

"Did you think that I would surrender easily?
Just like that, you were getting rid of me?
Is that the way you saw it all go down? I don't think so!!
I'm always gonna be the last one standin'! I'm never gonna give up tryin'!!
And now I'm ready to go, I'm here, I'm waitin' for you!!
And I'm gonna be the last one--"

Phil: Where the hell is he?

Steve: I have NO idea. I sure hope Callaway didn't turn him into a horny toad!!

Phil: Well she sure turned me HORNY! Rowwwrr, SCHWING!!

Steve: Okay, I think we've already worn out the Wayne's World references...

Phil: ...WYLD STALLYNS!!

Steve: .....*facepalm*

"Last One Standing" by Simple Plan fades out. Plays again. Before fading out again. The people in the truck play "Itsy Bitsy, Teenie-Weenie, Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini" just to make sure. Nothin'.

Phil: Maybe we can just listen to music and forego the match altogether?

Steve: I can't believe I'm agreein' with you for once...

SUDDENLY...The following clip is shown on the big screen, the censors bleeping out a certain name whenever it's mentioned--

------------------------
-- xwf shove-it:
vive la revolution
9.22.13 --
-----------------------

- Christine Nash vs *bleep* -


Night fell on Chateau Bonaguil and pyros shot off from the top of the castle, the townsfolk and entertainers had come to the Castle on the hill for what was promised to be an amazing night. A camera panned in on Alexandra who was sitting on a throne, in the courtyard where a makeshift ring had been set up. She smiled evilly [EDIT: SEE SHE'S EVIL, EVIL I TELLZ YA!! SOMEBODY MENTIONS THE WORD 'EVIL' FOURTY-TWO TIMES IN EVERY PARAGRAPH, YA KNOW THEY'Z EVIL, IT'S SCIENCE I SAY. EVIL SCIENCE!!], and Alex turned to Joy and Payne her special guests for the evening. They smiled back and she stood, lifting the microphone to her lips.

"Welcome everyone to Chateau Bonaguil. I promised everyone a night they wouldn't forget and I intend on giving it to you all. On with the show!"

The crowd went wild, cheering for her [EDIT: Evil fans! LOGIC, DUH!!]. She waved her hands and the first event went underway, as she returned to her throne, knowing what was coming next. She smiled up at Mystica who stood next to her, taking his hand.

The woman and the she/he/thing circle each other as the flames roar at ringside. They are about to lock up when the man/lady holds his hand out in front of him as if to stop Nash. He reaches for a microphone, which is thrown towards him over the flames. He wipes his already sweating brow and lifts the mic to his lips.

*bleep*: Stop, Christie sweetheart, and hear me out! You may hate me, but iAm *bleep*, and iAm going to fill you with happiness through the power of song!

With that, *bleep* opens his mouth and begins to sing, Nash immediately hits a superkick, sending *bleep* crashing to the floor! Before another word can be said, the lights suddenly go out, and………………………….AND JONES STRIKES! JONES JUST HOOKED *bleep* IN THE GABBER M8! *bleep* FALLS LIKE A SACK OF SHIT!.........N.A.Z.I. TAKES OUT A MOTHERFUCKING STUN GUN! He immediately shocks *bleep* to the floor, who twitches like a half-dead rabbit. NAZI IS IN THE MOTHERFUCKING ZONE TONIGHT! HE DAMN NEAR KILLED HIM!.......Smoke Man lights a match while Archie sprays the deodorant can, creating a flame thrower-esque tool that burns the shit out of *bleep*! DID SOMEBODY ORDER BARBEQUED SHEMALE?! *bleep* screams in agony as the TIGRIS CORPORATION make their way to the ring. The roster parts as two masked men storm the ring and beat the living shite out of *bleep* with nightsticks! They halt the beating momentarily as another man enters the ring and stands over the fallen *bleep*…..before STABBING HIM IN THE NECK WITH A SYRINGE! *bleep* froths at the mouth and convulses as the others look on gleefully!.....JIHAD pushes a button on his wrist AND TAKES *bleep*’S LEG CLEAN OFF! The man-lady howls in pain, crying like a little bitch! We look to the left and HERE THEY COME! IT’S THE DREAM TEAM! BARNEY MOTHERFUCKING GREEN IS BACK, AND HE’S WITH CRIMSON DONG! Green wastes no time in entering the ring, and he puts *bleep* IN THE ANAL SEX CAMEL CLUTCH! *bleep* starts to scream in pain, but he is soon silenced… BY CRIMSON DONG’S MASSIVE SCHLONG! Dong cockslaps *bleep* into the next motherfucking century! Holy shit!.....Micah and Zak Misery enter the ring and push *bleep* out, blood dripping from gaping hole where his leg should be. They drag him slowly, agonisingly to the top of the stage where Alexandra has stepped down off her throne, removing the cover from the Guillotine...*bleep*’s head is placed slowly into the guillotine as Callaway looks on with a smile. He looks up helplessly and opens his mouth. Callaway listens carefully for an apology.

*bleep*: iAm who iAm honey, iWas born this way!

"And I am who I am!"

He tries to make a heart symbol with his fingers, but Callaway pulls the lever! The guillotine blade slams down and takes *bleep*’s head clean off! Archie Lawson runs up and kicks *bleep*’s head to Smoke Man, who passes it to John Black. They’re using it like a soccer ball! Everyone at ringside cheers, as the screen fades to--

*STATIC*


Phil: Sooo...ALL those words were just fine for air, except for *bleep*?

Steve: ...Yes.


Suddenly...the lights cut out. And a different tune plays.





Coheed and Cambria. 'The Final Cut'.


"In the final curtain call, you left me here with the coldest of feelings.
Weight, kind, depression, blessing the floor with the places you stepped in.
Will they ever measure up? To the way you left me here by the roadside...

"The bloodiest cadaver,
Marked in your words,
I'm the joke, I'm the bastard."

"Here, WAIT... so I guess that you knew? That you're...

A SELFISH LITTLE WHORE. A SELFISH LITTLE WHORE...

If I had my way?

I'd crush your face in the door.

"This is no beginning...
This is the final cut.

"Open up."


The arena is engulfed in darkness. As the song continues to play, a voice speaks out through the PA system. An oddly familiar voice...


"Ally-cat... it was funny, wasn't it? So, so funny. HILARIOUS. As you all cheered eachother on. Patted eachother on the back. CELEBRATED...my demise. As I writhed on the floor, gasping out for help, and finding none?

"I was a joke to the lot of you. Nothing more, nothing less, and you can try and deny it but the PROOF...is in the footage. You targeted me because of my sexuality, my gender identity. It's funny? It's a joke? I'm nothing more than the jester in your court? After I came into that place, feeling as if I could make a friend out of you. Someone to turn to. Someone to trust.

"Well...I no longer 'trust' anyone. If someone shows me their true self, SHOWS me someone I can Believe in? I repay the favor."

A brief pause follows...

Before the voice once again speaks.

"...But if someone proves to be nothing more than a hollow shell, devoid of true emotion? SHOWS me...their true colors? And those colors are dark, twisted, and vile? Well...I have no choice but to repay the debt.

"You see, I can play judge, jury, and executioner just as well as any other. And I look into your eyes...I see NOTHING. Heartless. That's what you are, Alexandra Callaway.

"And today? Today is YOUR Judgement Day.

"Joke's over."


The lights return momentarily. Hunter Jay finally makes it to his feet, and tries to slide into the ring to protect Alexandra...but he's spun around, RIGHT into a superkick!!

Steve: That's the gal from the video clip!

Phil: Christine Nash is HELPING this guy? But I thought she was a part of the attack?!

"Ally...Some people aren't as cold-hearted as you. Some people? Know what's right, and what is wrong. Christie...seeya on Facebook, darlin'."


Christine lifts the heart sign high into the air, to a positive reaction from the crowd. She then picks up Hunter, and carries him to the back over her shoulder.

Phil: I gotta feelin' that isn't the first time Miss Nash has CARRIED Hunter, if ya know what I mean!

Steve: Hunter's GOTTA be on a one-way trip back to XWF w/his 'pal' after tonight. If not, I gotta believe the guy's "doing favors" for a few of the BW Directors!

Phil: Again, I gotta feelin' it wouldn't be the FIRST time he's pulled that card...


"...now that that's taken care of? THIS...is where the fun really begins. How about a little FIRE, scarecrow?!"





Alex has been watching the scene between Hunter and Nash this whole time...when suddenly, a HUGE explosion of pyro rocks the stage, startling the "The Angel of Fire".

Phil: For a gal that goes by the name "Hellfyr", she SURE did seem a bit jumpy when that blast of flames hit the stage!

Steve: And the lights have been cut off again! It looks like the big screen's comin' to life...

The screen shows a face...A face as of yet unseen on Boardwalk Wrestling programming. The figure is the same as the one from the clip. The figure lifts the heart symbol, as Alex has turned pale...He leans into the camera, uttering one word--

"Boo."

Steve: And Alex looks as if she's seen a ghost!

Phil: Are you kiddin' me, she LOOKS like a ghost!!


The unknown figure speaks...grinning from ear to ear.

"Ya look surprised tah see me, Ally-cat!! Well, allow me to assure you...iAm alive and kickin'. Unfortunately... my stunt double? He's not doin' so well. Last time I heard anything, his head was being used in a game at Wembley! Which is too bad... he was the spittin' image of me. In the words of your daddy dearest? May he rest...in...peeeace!!"

Steve: And now Alex is sitting in the middle of the ring, rocking back and forth...it seems as though she's having a mental breakdown!!





Phil: If ya ask me, the guy on our big screen is just as crazy!!

"You cannot kill what you did not create! But don't worry...I'm not gonna 'kill' ya. I'm not even gonna maim ya. Not gonna lift a single finger to ya. Why? Because that's not me. That's not who iAm. I don't stoop that low, I don't play those games. But more importantly? I'm comin' tah B-Dub....and you're leavin' on a jet plane. Outta here, adios, vamanos, seeya later, buh-BYE!!"

At this, the fans let out a unanimous cheer, before singing 'sha-na-na-na, hey hey hey, goodbye'!!

"That's right, Calico. You've been future endeavored. When ya get back to the land of Xtreme...stay there this time, wouldja? Cuz you're just not cut out for a place like the Boardwalk."

The BW Universe cheer their heads off, as the figure speaks one last line-- "Oh...and say hi tah Tony Santos for me. I may be a 'worthless shemale'? But he's just worthless. Sayanora, Broom Hilda!!"

Alexandra Callaway is carried to the back, by a couple of men in white. They strap her into a straight-jacket as she cackles malevolently. Like a witch. Cuz she is so one, ya know? The cauldron, the black cat, the twitchy nose and bitchy mama, the whole nine-yards.

Steve: And speaking of magic?

Phil: Alakazam, it's PAY-PER-VIEW TIME BAY-BAYYY!!

Steve: Thank GODDESS...

Phil: And blessed be! Dealer's Choice, here we come!!













~BACKSTAGE, PRE-iPPV, FIVE MINUTES TO SHOW-TIME~

We fade back in, after seeing whatever the hell that was that just took place. Alexandra Callaway is being dragged to a padded truck, while she sings--

Alexandra Frickin' Callaway: COME LITTLE CHILDREN, I'LL TAKE THEE AWAY, TO A LAND OF ENCHANTMEEENT!!

SUDDENLY, that very song is heard, coming from the sky, only now it actually sounds like a beautiful, enchanting voice singing, instead of a batshit insane psychopath--





Alex looks up toward the sky, and a figure glides down on a broom...IT'S FAIRUZA FUCKIN' BALK, aka 'Nancy' from "The Craft"!!

She hops off her broom, and walks toward Alex, as 'The Touch' by Heather Nova somehow plays in the background.






She stands before Callaway, smiling demonically--




The men in white get the fuck outta there cuz they know what this gal can do. Alex uses her magical mystical powers to break free from the straight jacket, before she waves her hands around.....and a bunch of cards fall out of her sleeves. She shakes her head, and tries again....a few colorful handkerchiefs, some doves...Alex is getting frustrated. She reaches into her pocket, and pulls out a ball of some sort...she tosses it to the ground...and a puff of smoke appears!! She's gonna disah-ma-pear!! Ohhhh, nope. She's still here. Dammit. 'Nancy' tilts her head to the side, not amused.



Nancy/Fairuza: So. You wanna play 'witch', right?

Alex reaches into her other pocket, and pulls out a hat. Then she pulls out a rabbit. It's dead. She tosses it at 'Nancy'.

Alex: Abracah-cadabra!!

'Nancy' looks down at the rottin' rabbit...before glaring back at Callaway.

Nancy/Fairuza: Well...I don't play. iAm.

A sinister smirk then crosses her lips, as she giggles slightly to herself. Alex looks pissed! She reaches into her OTHER pocket [damn this chick has a lotta pockets]....She pulls out two golden hoops! She clinks them together, showing they're real! Then, she puts them together and.....I said, she puts them together...she TRIES to put them....OH C'MON, WOMAN, ARE YA EVEN TRYING?!

'Nancy' claps her hands together for the astounding 'magic show'.



'Nancy'/Fairuza: GOOD JOB, hun!! GOOD show, you ALMOST didn't make a complete ass of yourself, so it's a start! Keep your chin up, babe, one of these days you'll pull out a rabbit that ISN'T dead!!

Now Alex is absolutely fuming. She pulls out a SAW!! Oh shit... I gotta feeling this isn't some lame magic trick, Alexandra's gonna cut 'Nancy'!! Ally swings the saw......but...suddenly, her hand repels back. 'Nancy' smirks, tapping her temple, as if to say 'not today Ally-cat'...



And now Alex is...She's bringing the saw to her OWN ARM?! The fuck...'Nancy' has lifted her hand, and she's motioning in the air...Now THIS gal is legit! Alex's arm is bleeding profusely!! She winces is unimageinable pain, not being able to do ANYTHING about what's happening to her character!!......I mean...herself. Yeah, that's the ticket...

Alex: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! HOW ARE YOU DOING THIS?!

'Nancy'/Fairuza: Why? Ya wanna know WHY? Because......you fucked with the wrong Storm. And now you pay. As for how....well. Let's just say? I was born this way, bitch.

Alex: .................I'm sorry.

And oh SNAP. That is the one thing you don't wanna say to this chick. As for what happens next...Is there any doubt?

'Nancy'/Fairuza: ...sorry? You're...SORRY? So, little miss play pretend is SORRY?!



"...after what you did to him? That's supposed to make up for everything? I don't think so...."



'Nancy' slowly raises her right hand, extending it as tiny sparks of electricity form in her palm...

'Nancy'/Fairuza: Azarath....Metrion.........

Alex: ....oh shit....

'Nancy'/Fairuza: ....ZINTHOS!!

She then quickly moves her hand out, and Alex is set on fire!! 'Nancy' then stops in her tracks, and smiles. Alex screams in agony, clawing at the air as the flames cover her...

Nancy/Fairuza: Bubby may not be willing to hurt you...But I won't let you off so easily. I came her for three things. The Storm. The Show. And some roasted poser on an open fire. And Ally...I ALWAYS get what I want.



'Nancy'/Fairuza: Oh...and by the way. Narrator?

...Yes?

Nancy/Fairuza: The name's not 'Nancy'. And it's not 'Fairuza'.


"It's Tifa. Tifa BonJovi. Boardwalk......it's showtime."

--the scene is black. we hear the sounds of blood-curdling screams and a raging inferno...Dealer's Choice is live, in 3,2... --


C://_2B.Continued


www.boardwalkwrestling.com/index.php/events/results/337-dealer-s-choice-results